Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a 12 year old and an 8 year old alone in the house together for 3 hours

43 replies

SATSmadness · 29/04/2014 11:16

Would like to say that I have never done this myself.

Family concerned live in a "naice" area of a small city.

Once a month the AP has to leave early whilst the Mum & Dad are at a regular monthly week-day evening fixed engagement (which cannot be re-arranged and which they really need to attend).

They have just started leaving the boys alone together for 3 hours from 5pm to 8pm.

AP gives kids their evening meal and leaves them watching TV or playing computer games. They are apparently under strict instructions not to open the door to anyone and to say M/D are in the toilet so will ring back later if anyone telephones.

Parents really see this as giving the 12 year old a taste of responsibility. I have to say they are both mature sensible boys in many respects but....... You just never know do you ?

Is this illegal do you think ? It's only happened twice so far (is only once a month as I said earlier) and kids obviously came to no harm.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 29/04/2014 11:18

It's not illegal, no.

TheWorldAccordingToJC · 29/04/2014 11:19

Well it's not illegal unless something happened and then it could be classed as neglect I suppose.

I don't think it's particularly ideal but like everything, it depends on the variables doesn't it? A sensible pair of boys and clear instructions would possibly be fine.

LineRunner · 29/04/2014 11:20

It's fine. I babysat two small girls on a Saturday morning at that age, which would have been three hours.

joanofarchitrave · 29/04/2014 11:20

It's not illegal, but they could be prosecuted for neglect if any harm does occur.

It sounds too long to me, but we probably leave our 10 year old more than others would do - I have to say, that's partly because there's only 1 of him so we feel it's less unpredictable.

I wouldn't do it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. I'm usually on the 'too slack' end of parenting though. I wouldn't be able to have peace of mind on this one.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/04/2014 11:20

No it's not illegal as there is no law that states it is against the law to leave a child or young person alone no matter what their age.

However if you leave them and they are or could be at risk then its neglect. The 12 year old would be highly unlikely to constitute that,unless there was an additional risk in the house but leaving a 12 year old in charge of an 8 year old is quite likely to be an issue

joanofarchitrave · 29/04/2014 11:21

Babysitting would be fine LineRunner - these kids are alone.

5madthings · 29/04/2014 11:21

It's not illegal and clearly the parents think it's fine.

I leave my 11 And 9 yr olds on their own at times.

It depends on the children's panther relationship, some siblings would fight. Others are fine.

As long ad they know what to do and who to contact in an emeragency then it's fine.

LineRunner · 29/04/2014 11:21

The only thing I would change is I would stick on the answer machine on the home phone, and give the older child a mobile.

Canus · 29/04/2014 11:21

I'd be happy to leave my older two together at those ages, they were both very risk averse and sensible.

Lots and lots of families make similar arrangements out of necessity.

tiggytape · 29/04/2014 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween · 29/04/2014 11:22

I think this is OK if the children are sensible and happy with it.

There are 2 of them for company.
They are not being left to cook for themselves or anything.
All they are doing is watching TV/playing games.

Provided they have emergency contact numbers and are sensible this is OK imo.

Especially this time of year with lighter evenings. For some reason I would be more iffy in winter.

CeliaFate · 29/04/2014 11:22

It's not illegal, the NSPCC state that there's no minimum age for a child to legally be left alone. What is illegal is leaving them in a dangerous situation or one likely to cause harm or injury.

It's quite vague, but being at home with access to a phone isn't really dangerous if they're sensible and have been told to avoid anything hot, sharp or poisonous.
I leave my two at home occasionally for a couple of hours, they're 13 and 11.

LineRunner · 29/04/2014 11:23

joan, I was 12, alone with two small littlies in a flat, is what I mean. In this situation, the 12 year old is effectively babysitting the younger sibling, in my eyes.

HolidayCriminal · 29/04/2014 11:24

I would do it if I felt very stuck like presumably the parents do, and the kids get along with each other fine.

Sheesh, in parts of the world the 12yo would already be married & the 8yo would be out on the streets working all day (for last 2 years already).

PoundingTheStreets · 29/04/2014 11:25

I would expect a 12-year-old to be capable of being left alone quite easily for that length of time.

I wouldn't leave an 8-year-old for that long, however.

The issue is whether it's fair to leave a 12-year-old in charge of the 8-year-old. That's open to interpretation. Many of us on here were taking paid jobs as babysitters or babysitting younger siblings at that age. It was common in the past as it remains so elsewhere in many other western countries in the world. It's not considered so acceptable these days. Whether that's right or wrong is a matter for the parents to decide, knowing as I'm sure they do that they leave themselves open to the interpretation of the authorities should the worst happen.

PrincessBabyCat · 29/04/2014 11:27

I was being paid to babysit other people's kids for a few hours at 12. My parents left me and my brother home alone as young as 6 and 4 so they could go for a walk for an hour. I would not recommend this, as a kid it was awesome, as a parent they are still finding stuff we glued back together and asking what happened to certain trinkets that disappeared. It depends on your kid's maturity.

5madthings · 29/04/2014 11:27

Yes the elder one is babysitting, I am going to a book club this week, I will put younger three to bed and ds1 and ds2 will stay up, ds2 will go to bed by 8:30 but ds1 will stay up till I get home.

My five are 14, 11, 9, 6 and 3. So ds1 will be 'babysitting' I am local enough I can be home in fifteen mins and he knows what to do if there is an emergency and has another adult he can contact if necessary.

On Sunday I left the 14, 11 And 9 yr olds for the afternoon as I took the little two out.

These are the kinds of things you may end up doing depending on a child's age and level of maturity.

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier · 29/04/2014 11:27

My ddd is 12 and my ds is 8, I would have no concerns about leaving them alone for 3 hours and I have done. However it does depend on how responsible the 12 yo is. I left my dd here on sunday whilst Dp and I took ds and dss to a park (she didn't want to go), We were gone around 3 hours and when we got back she had baked 12 cupcakes, 2 swiss rolls, hung out a load of washing, put another load in, washed up and cleaned the kitchen, She is very responsible for her age :)

exexpat · 29/04/2014 11:29

Three hours, once a month, sensible children, safe area, rules in place about not opening the door/cooking etc, and children capable of phoning or contacting neighbours for help in an emergency? Not a problem. I have done very similar myself (same sibling age gap).

cowsarescary · 29/04/2014 11:30

I leave my 13yo in charge of my 7yo once a week while I run my cleaner home. About 20 mins. That's my limit.

I do leave the 13yo alone while I go to Sainsbos, but I take the littler one with me.

Standinginline · 29/04/2014 11:31

I think it's fine ,at that age I was taking my 7 year old brother to the park (about 10 mins away ) surely that's worse than being left home alone. I was very independent and mature at that age though. I think it depends on the child ,my partners kids are older now but 3 of them were more than capable of being left home alone at 12 with younger siblings but his 12 year old now I would leave alone but not with a younger sibling to keep an eye on.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 29/04/2014 11:39

I can't see the problem - I leave my 11yo DS alone and he is fine. As long as the 12yo is a responsible sensible boy and happy to be left in charge.

No, it is not illegal either.

Merrylegs · 29/04/2014 11:43

It's not illegal but it is what is. A practical solution to the parents childcare issues. It shouldn't also be seen as a learning tool or an opportunity to give a 12 year old a 'taste of responsibility.'

Remembering to feed the guinea pigs, organising a lift to football, making sure your dirty socks go in the washing machine, are all useful responsible skills to learn. When left alone the 12 year old AND the 8 year old need to be responsible for themselves and each other equally.

squoosh · 29/04/2014 11:48

I don't see a problem with this.

BrianTheMole · 29/04/2014 11:48

I think it really depends on the individual children. Plenty couldn't cope with that, a few could.