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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make such a big deal of this?

67 replies

Littlebme12 · 29/04/2014 09:44

Dp sent my ds to school with mouldy bread yesterday. Mouldy bread that didn't even have a filling as apparently he couldn't find anything in the fridge (i always buy fresh school supplies on Sunday evening, plus I was upstairs - he ciuldve asked.

Said he didn't realise bread was mouldy. He was trying yo use up last of the old loaf before opening new one in the knowledge that it had been there since the middle of last week am hadn't been used over the weekend.Ds came home and said his sandwich tasted funny, so that's how i worked this all out. Ds has slight learning probs and needs reminded to pick up his lunch. Dp also 'forgot' this and Ds water and snacks were left behind.

I want to actually punch his face in. Im just imagining poor Ds at school eating a mouldy slice of bread and it quite honestly makes me want to cry. Am i over reacting? Dp thinks so, also cast up a thing i did with dd at school years ago in his defence!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 10:30

red mentions a 'ploughmans' type thing - is there any chance that he meant to do the same, quickly - and found there was no cheese - and ran out time? How often does he make your son's school lunch?

The snacks were ready as was the water so it's not complete neglect is it? Did you get the snacks/water ready, OP, or did he?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 10:32

I was trying hard to make the connection then, Vino... fresh cream - look for fruit to take, banana, mixed batteries and things.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 10:34

Sorry, that was to Enjoying.

It should also read 'mixed BERRIES' not batteries. Confused

unlucky83 · 29/04/2014 10:35

I'm just wondering if this is a case of deliberating messing something up so badly he is never expected to do it again...
In which case you need to give him a lesson, stand over him for the first time he does it again on his own and then of course he has to do it every day now - because he obviously needs the practise...Wink

Original poster
Littlebme12 · 29/04/2014 10:35

It was morning snack that was forgotten. He had put in a prepacked sausage snack and a muesli bar so Ds did at least have a bit of something else in his box. Apparently Ds ' likes' just bread and he was had that along with snacks before. My reasoning is Ds also likes being glued to a computer 24 hours a day meant mean its acceptable.

This is the latest in a long list of silly things that otherwise could be given the benefit of the doubt. But Im disgusted by it, i don't work directly with children but vulnerable families and if this had happened to them it would be straight onto children's services. My god id lose my bloody job!!

Maybe that over reating slightly but thank you for all the comments. He is an idiot.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 29/04/2014 10:36

Is this typical behaviour for him? My DH might do something like this - he has very random brain farts now and again - but he is a fantastic dad and would feel awful about it and never do it again.

His general behaviour and attitude would influence how I would respond to this. If this is one in a long line of neglectful things then I'd be considering showing him the door as it is really low not to feed your child, especially when you know he's got difficulties and won't speak up for himself (another child might blag food from classmates or ask the teacher to sort something out for him).

OnlyLovers · 29/04/2014 10:36

He sounds a bit stupid, TBH. Can't see mould, think of something to put in a sandwich, go and buy something to put in a sandwich, or even ask you for help?

Apologies if I'm wrong but is he not your son's father? (you say 'my ds', which is what makes me think this). Not that it excuses him AT ALL, but I wondered if there was something going on to do with him not feeling he had to take responsibility as your DS isn't his.

CailinDana · 29/04/2014 10:37

Sorry X-post. It sounds like your DP is lazy. Is that the case?

LisaMed · 29/04/2014 10:40

How dare you ask him to fix the lunch, that is your job. If you do not do your job anything could happen.

The above is a bit of a long step, but could that be a subtext?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2014 10:44

I've missed mould on bread before - not white bread, that's much easier to see but the seed stuff with random 'bits' in it. It's also true that you wouldn't necessarily look at the crust because you look at the slices 'face on'.

Not putting or giving something with the bread is a bit odd and unusual but I used to take bread and a jar of English mustard (which I still love). If your son genuinely has a liking for 'just bread', I can see how it happened. That doesn't make it ok - you want your son to have a proper lunch and you need to make sure that your partner understands that.

Innocentbystander01 · 29/04/2014 10:59

Yanbu I'm a lunchtime supervisor and during my interview I was told that I had to look out for children with mouldy bread or food and report to my line manager.
I would want to punch him too.

redskyatnight · 29/04/2014 10:59

If DS likes just bread, then it's fine to have bread with other stuff.
My DS refused to have sandwiches until he was about 6 - we always had to send things in, in their consituent parts.

Bread, sausage and a muesli bar sounds ok for lunch to me.

HolgerDanske · 29/04/2014 11:03

In that case I would probably send in a roll or some crackers or breadsticks or something, it seems nicer than just a dry slice of bread.

HolgerDanske · 29/04/2014 11:08

Yes I agree, it's not that bad when it's considered as a part of a whole meal, deconstructed or not. The OP did make it sound like all that was had for lunch was one slice of dry bread.

Still, he does need to take more responsibility for ensuring things are done properly, he should be as capable of remembering snacks as you are...

I agree with the poster above who said that some people just are a bit more absent minded at times. What's important here is whether or not this is a symptom of a bigger issue.

tiggytape · 29/04/2014 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 29/04/2014 11:13

sounds like the sort of thing certain husbands do to ensure they never get asked again (ie you do it from now on), result for your husband….

HolgerDanske · 29/04/2014 11:19

Yes I agree, it was stupid to use old bread when fresh was available. I don't like to waste food so I use stale bread for toast. And obviously mould is a no go.

Being crap in purpose is a big possibility. That's why we need to know what he's normally like. It's not on for him to be using his children's well being and nourishment as some sort of passive aggressive exercise. Oh sorry I see OP has already said this is one problem amongst many, so I guess we have our answer to that one...

silveroldie2 · 29/04/2014 11:26

YADNBU. I suggest that your DP eats the remainder of the old loaf if he thinks it's ok for your DS to eat.

DoJo · 29/04/2014 12:24

In that case I would probably send in a roll or some crackers or breadsticks or something, it seems nicer than just a dry slice of bread.

But if the OP's son likes plain bread then why not let him have it?

stopfuckingspraying · 29/04/2014 12:29

It's a good job the scool didn't notice otherwise you would probably have a lot of talking to do

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 29/04/2014 12:32

What parent would think that a slice or two of dry or even buttered bread and nothing else is an adequate lunch for anyone, never mind a growing child?

If you want to discover how adequate your DP thinks it is, just feed him that for lunch for the next week or two to find out.

In my opinion he's a Grade A arsehole, mould or no mould.

HolgerDanske · 29/04/2014 12:33

Nothing wrong with a plain slice of bread, really, just saying that I understand why the OP wasn't impressed. And I suppose if it were my child it would just feel wrong somehow. But I'm not saying it shouldn't be done if that's what the child prefers :-)

Original poster
Littlebme12 · 29/04/2014 12:37

Ds is my son Dp step son. I asked if it was our Ds how he would feel, is now saying it was unacceptable.

Not the first time he has done this type of thing, denies its because he feels i should be doing it or he feel he shouldn't etc but he would wouldn't he!?

It wasnt an attempt at a deconstructed lunch, Ds always gets these snacks alongside his lunch, is a hungry boy and i don't actually know whether he likes just bread as i havnt asked but i will. Iv never just gave him bread. Always a good decent filled sandwich and his other snacks.

Dp says he was likely being sloppy something he knows he needs to address. As i said its not the first time for similar issue. I don't know what to think. He's either just a bit stupid at these things, sloppy or passive aggressive ( i think he can tend to be) but this.is a whole new level and he is adamant he wouldn't do something so crappy to get back at me.

Still absolutely livid with him.

OP posts:
DoJo · 29/04/2014 12:37

Perhaps I am letting my love of plain bread influence my thoughts here, but a slice of bread and a sausage is basically a sausage sandwich in terms of nutritional value, so doesn't sound too bad.

ScrambledSmegs · 29/04/2014 12:41

Tbh it's not the fact that it happened, but more that he doesn't seem to feel bad about it that would worry me. Has he done stuff like this before?

Is it right that firstly he made excuses and secondly he's been trying to turn it into 'well you did this with DD'? Because that's pretty shit.