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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have shouted at my sister over this?

59 replies

fitmomof2 · 28/04/2014 18:04

My sister has been staying with DH, DS (3) and DD (5 weeks) for a week now to help me adjust to two children There have been a few things I haven't liked but I overlooked them as I can be a bit ott with cleanliness.

So DH planned a fun day out for the whole family to do yesterday as he'll be going back to work tomorrow. I asked Sis if she wanted to come and she said "no" so I left her to her own decision as she's an adult (22) and I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. We all set off around 10, but before we left, I asked her if she was sure that she didn't want to come with us, again, she said "No, you guys have fun though"

We ended our lovely day by going to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. I sent a text to my sister letting her know that we were eating out and that she can help herself to anything in the freezer/fridge.

We got home around 7:30 exhausted from our day. I put DS to bed around 8:30 while the rest of them all watched tv. Around 10:30 I couldn't keep my eyes open, so I got up to go to bed which is when my sister said "Aren't we having dinner then?"
I said: Dinner? we all had dinner out.
Her: oh... what about me?
I said: What about you?
Her: My dinner?
Me: You've got be joking me. You refused to come out with us and despite getting a text from me saying that we are having Chinese, you instead decided to sit here on your fat arse waiting for me to come home and cook for you? It's about time you went back home, you've been nothing but lazy and have added more work to my day when you are supposed to be helping me. Pack you bags and fuck off.

DH thought I was harsh but I really don't think so.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Joanne279 · 28/04/2014 18:22

Um, I think you have a right to be frustrated at her not getting her own dinner, but i don't think there was any need to talk to her the way you did.

Sorry op. Just saying it as I see it. X x

HavantGuard · 28/04/2014 18:23

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littledrummergirl · 28/04/2014 18:23

I call doanut. If not ywbvu.

TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 28/04/2014 18:23

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FreakinScaryCaaw · 28/04/2014 18:24

No words.

feathermucker · 28/04/2014 18:25

You were so over the top, it's ridiculous. Shouting and swearing when a simple re-explanation that you'd already had dinner would have sufficed!!

If I was your sister, I'd have been really pissed off with you for acting like that? Angry

trikken · 28/04/2014 18:25

You were very rude. Im sure you could have been nice and made the same point. Sounds like a mistake on the dinner situation I think.

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/04/2014 18:25

And yet you could afford a day out and takeout.

Interesting.

HaroldLloyd · 28/04/2014 18:25

I don't think you were hard enough on her.

Casmama · 28/04/2014 18:26

Barely any food in the house but you go to a Chinese restaurant - yeah ok.

On the off chance this is true then apologise for your outburst but suggest it would still be better if she went home.

YouTheCat · 28/04/2014 18:26

So after the first couple of days you say 'thanks for everything - time for you to go home now' . You give her a bottle of wine/some beers and send her on her way. Shouting and bawling and letting things fester doesn't work, ever.

EatDessertFirst · 28/04/2014 18:26

In that case it is understandable that you lost your rag but what you actually said was bang out of order. If she was that useless/eating all the food/wasting gas you should have sent her home earlier.

Original poster
fitmomof2 · 28/04/2014 18:26

She definitely got the text as she responded with "oo DH is really going all out! that's fine I'll sort myself out "

DH asked her as soon as we got in if she had eaten and she said "I ate, yeah" so we left it at that

I know I was Bitchy by shouting at her but the last week has been stressful. I also became tired of hearing my own voice constantly telling her to "wash up" or "please cab you not spend too long in the shower?" or "Can you pick up your hairs in the bath tub because it'll block the drain".. all. the. time.

OP posts:
missymarmite · 28/04/2014 18:28

YANBU to be annoyed. She sounds extremely spoilt and lazy. YWB a teensy bit OTT in the way you expressed yourself, but I guess that was understandable by the fact that she sounds a total flake!

mrstigs · 28/04/2014 18:30

You were a bit harsh tbh, but after reading your recent post I can see why you were fed up of her. You must be very tired with a new born and having someone come round under the disguise of 'helping' only turn out to be someone else to look after must have been extremely irritating. So in wanting her to leave yanu but screaming and shouting at her to tell her wbu. Unless you all talk to each other like that normally of course.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/04/2014 18:30

Your DM has a cruel sense of humour sending DSis round in her place.

Sorry it didn't work out.

missymarmite · 28/04/2014 18:31

And if I were your DM I'd be telling her to move out!

FloozeyLoozey · 28/04/2014 18:32

Why don't you just ask her to leave if she's doing your head in that much?

Gwlondon · 28/04/2014 18:34

Not great. Your DM must have known she would do that.

Original poster
fitmomof2 · 28/04/2014 18:35

DH had planned and saved for yhis for a while as he hasn't had time off since Christmas (he wasnt entitled to pat leave as he's only been working there for 5 months) . We also live according to budget as DH is the only one working.

OP posts:
GeordieMama · 28/04/2014 18:36

I understand why you're angry with her and having a newborn can make even the calmest person more on edge.
I think you were a bit on the harsh side though, maybe give her a call and apologise for losing your temper but explain how she made you feel?

Original poster
fitmomof2 · 28/04/2014 18:37

I've already spoken to DM about it and she said "I spoke to sis before she came over that she's coming to help, not to laze about". If only she knew half of it as I only complained about the dinner incident.

No, she's still here. I apolgised in the morning as I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable for the remainder of her stay but I really think she ought to go home as she's brought on more stress than actual help.

OP posts:
usualsuspectt · 28/04/2014 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/04/2014 18:44

You were unbelievably rude and very entitled to expect help just because you added to your family. One is in nursery anyway but two is hardly the end of the world.

If your sister isnt the most helpful, then why say yes in the first place?

Original poster
fitmomof2 · 28/04/2014 18:52

Happymumofone it was my mother who had asked to come over because I've been struggling to adjust. Yes, DS is at nursery but he only goes 3 times a week and for 3 hours, so it's not like it's every day. DH works incredibly long hours to support us, which I really appreciate, and so I tend to do the nights alone as he needs his sleep. It's been hard for me and I know that I should be coping better than I am.

I allowed my sister to come over out of desperation. I regret it now as it's made life harder but it is what it is. I now know I was BU and I'll apologise again.

OP posts: