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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed my dd 7 has come back from friends house saying she's fat?

62 replies

annoyedmum10 · 27/04/2014 20:52

Name changed.

I need some mumsnet perspective on this.

DD went round her friends house today, she came home and at dinner time said she did not want any dinner as she was already fat and burst into tears.

It turns out round her friends house they went on the wii and her friends mum set her up as a character on the wii fit and measured her height to get an accurate height, when she weighed her it came us as risk over being overweight, apparently (and you will have to excuse me I dont have wii fit) there was a healthy weight and an at risk of being overweight and dd just crept into the at risk of being overweight. Her friend laughed and said a few comments about being fat, from what I gathered from dd, her mum did tell her not to say nasty things.

But AIBU in thinking that is not something you do to someone else's child without talking to the mum first.

DD is not overweight, she is not skinny, but is just bigger build than some girls, she gets plenty of exercise walking the dog etc and eats healthy with the odd treat.

The friends mum never mentioned anything about the wii fit when I picked her up, and when I called her a little while back there was no answer.

I managed to speak to DD and think she is ok now, I just wandered what others views were. TIA

OP posts:

Molotov · 27/04/2014 21:45

Thank-you, Monte

Molotov · 27/04/2014 21:47

I might add that my message was misleading. I would aim to express myself to the mum without being abusive towards her. Having a stern word is what I would do, not literally 'do my fucking nut' at her.

Minifingers · 27/04/2014 21:49

Can't believe the hysteria on this thread.

My dd is overweight. She knows she is. She hasn't become anorexic or suicidal. People love telling her she's not overweight - maybe because they think being fat is akin to being evil or something. It's not.

If the wii fit game tells your dd she's overweight, weigh and measure her and show her on the NHS Choices site that her weight is normal and the game is mistaken. But only do it if it's really worrying her. Then forget about it.

Minifingers · 27/04/2014 21:52

Would you be wetting your pants over it if she'd stood on the board and it'd told her her weight was normal? No? Then stop demonising the mum.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2014 21:55

But AIBU in thinking that is not something you do to someone else's child without talking to the mum first.

Yes, YABVU to think that. It's a games console, not a health check.

My kids have lots of their friends on their Wii Fit as characters. It's really not something you'd think twice about.

I'm sorry your child got upset at being teased, but the mother told her child not to be nasty...therefore it's been dealt with.

I would leave it now, instead of making it into something big.

NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary · 27/04/2014 21:58

Wii fit measurements fir children are flawed google wii fit measurements ( on iPad so can't link).

If your daughter us still worried you can show her.

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2014 22:00

Also OP you said "DD got weighed and measured at school by the school nurse about 6 months ago. Everything was fine."

Is that normal practise for the school nurse to be weighing and measuring 7yr olds, or was it just your child?

Vikingbiker · 27/04/2014 22:32

If never think of weighing another child. Bonkers!!

Ubik1 · 27/04/2014 22:37

It's just one of those things that happens

I'm sure if your dd looked overweight she would never have done it.

Just tell your dd the scales were fir grown ups and wrong for children. And that's she's perfect.

VivaLeBeaver · 27/04/2014 22:40

HairyMary is right, the Wii weight calculations aren't accurate for kids. Obv the actual weight is right, just not the bmi type classification. Tell your dd that.

I believe when you play the Wii you have to set up a mii character to be able to play. Not sure if each character needs to be weighed before starting.

jacks365 · 27/04/2014 23:00

I wouldn't even guarantee the weight either the wii can't be zeroed for different surfaces so it's affected by things like how thick and soft a carpet is.

Minifingers · 27/04/2014 23:02

"I'm sure if your dd looked overweight she never would have done it"

Why? Is being overweight the shame that dare not speak its name?

Ronmione · 27/04/2014 23:17

I feel really sorry for the other mum, they are just trying to play a game that for you to use has to weigh you. Would you rather the mum had said sorry girls you can't play the wii fit in case one of you tips into either over/under weight.

She didn't do a health check in your dd! She included her in a game.

I think you are over reacting. The fact that your dd didn't play any games on it could be because the mum saw there was a problem.

Tbh if I was in the other mums position i wouldn't have your dd round again in case I caused upset

Ubik1 · 27/04/2014 23:25

Don't be ridiculous Minifingers - I don't know about you, but if an overweight child came to my house I don't think we would be playing weighing games because I wouldn't want to start any teasing, I wouldn't want them to be upset.

Obviously if an overweight adult came round we'd jump straight on the scales and serve salad .

Minifingers · 27/04/2014 23:56

Ubik - it's not a 'weighing game', it's a fitness game. You create a little person in your own image to compete for you, a 'mii', putting in a whole load of physical details like hair texture, skin colour, nose shape. Weight and height are just 2 of a number of details.

hmc · 28/04/2014 00:11

As a mother of an 11 year old i can forearn you that you will need to get accustomed to this. My dd and her friends obsess about whether or not they are 'fat' ( for the most part, with just one or two exceptions, they are not - at all!)

PrincessBabyCat · 28/04/2014 03:46

The wii fit is barely accurate on anyone. My husband is big boned (no, seriously.. he has really broad shoulders), but certainly not fat and the wii listed him as obese. We thought it was funny.

My dad was listed as obese and it said that a healthy weight for him would be like 150lbs or something. He was already looking gaunt when he got down to 170lbs a few years ago from stress.

Sooo... it's a fun game. I just use it to keep track of my weight over time to make sure it's at least going down when I want it to.

But... they really should just rig it so that it tells kids under a certain age their weight and that they're fine.

SavoyCabbage · 28/04/2014 04:15

The wii fit game is really fun and dc live playing it and making their mii. The balance board doesn't work unless it weighs you first as otherwise it wouldn't be able to react to different people.

To me it sounds like they went on the wii, then the incident happened, then either the mum thought she was in a difficult situation and persuaded then into another activity all the girls got upset/worried and decided to do something else.

mummytoedwardandflora · 28/04/2014 06:06

Well - I wouldn't go for a reaction as extreme as a poster over the page, but I wouldn't think it had "been dealt with" either. I doubt I'd say anything but I'd be a bit hesitant to let my DD go there again.

Yes, the child being nasty was "dealt with" (if indeed "stop saying nasty things" is dealing with mocking another child's appearance - I wouldn't be as mild to my DS if he was as rude to one of his friends in front of me) but the child's self esteem has been knocked, in public.

The mother could have done a LOT here to soften that knock. If it had been me I'd have laughed and said "goes to show how inaccurate these things are, doesn't it!" Pointed out she is a normal weight - "at risk of overweight" I get the same thing on the WII in fact because according to the WII, I am a healthy BMI but right at the top end of it, in fact I am a good 5lbs over but to be honest I don't care, I'm comfortable at my weight and my clothes fit.

It isn't the same as tall either, because I've yet to see TV shows dedicated to getting tall people to shorten, posters and food labels warning people of the dire consequences of being tall and so on.

I also don't think minifingers has quite appreciated the point here either. An overweight person, or even a normal sized person, can have a really messed up relationship with food without being remotely anorexic.

Most slim, healthy people I know are slim and healthy because they have never been on a diet. They eat "normally". The second someone's mind goes into that "diet, must lose weight" mindset is triggers a guilt and shame alert, and makes certain foods very desirable indeed. Look around you and find someone obese next time you're out. They probably didn't become that way through normal eating, I bet they have been on more diets they care to mention.

I want my DD in particular though obviously my DS as well to recognise when they are full up, to be physically active and to enjoy a range of foods, including McDonald's (gasp) chocolate, and so on. The only things forbidden in this house are energy drinks, I really don't like them at all. The only set snack time is when DS comes in from school as he's quite peckish then but other than that I try to discourage snacking. I think three substantial meals a day is the way forward personally.

Anyway, I digress: I just think that a lot of food issues - not anorexia, but a lifelong battle with food - are often set up in adolescence and before adolescence, I would rather have a chubby DC than a slim DC who is unhappy with herself and food and takes that unhappiness into adult life.

Original poster

annoyedmum10 · 28/04/2014 07:41

My daughter got measured as last time they measured at school she was away.

I did not want to make it into something big, that is why I called the mum after dd had gone to bed.

I am not an angry confrontational person, just wanted to speak to other mum about it, but she never called back. A little surprised as the phone is normally glued to her. I will hopefully catch up with her at school this morning.

OP posts:

hackmum · 28/04/2014 07:49

It sounds like the friend's mum was very apologetic and had no idea it would put your DD in the at risk of being overweight category.

The thing is - this is Wii Fit works. You enter your height and then it weighs you and gives you your BMI. If your DD had actually been overweight, probably the mum would have stopped the kids from doing it.

I do think you are over-reacting somewhat.

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 28/04/2014 07:54

It's a problem with the wii fit board, it says my very thin girls are over weight, luckily they are too young to understand and just like playing with the mii characters in the games.

Original poster

annoyedmum10 · 28/04/2014 07:54

Very Apologetic!

Nothing was mentioned to me and dd's friend was only asked to stop saying mean things, not sure how that's very apologetic.

Glad I asked as I have more of an understanding of the wii fit.

OP posts:

candycoatedwaterdrops · 28/04/2014 07:59

I'm not sure what you want from the other mum tbh. She told off your DD's friend, what else can she do? It's up to you to reassure your child and continue to be a positive role model, as I'm sure you are already doing.

Fizzybangfanny · 28/04/2014 08:08

I think it's a massive over reaction. You have been explained to how the wii board works yet are still looking for an apology.

I think you need to focus on your dd self esteem rather than chasing the mum.

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