To ask when you felt ready to leave your baby or toddler?

[Writerwannabe83]

I only ask because I can't work out if I'm being precious or if other people are being unreasonable to expect more from me.

I posted a few weeks ago about how I didn't feel comfortable about my IL's turning up unannounced because they wanted to take my breast fed baby out for a walk in his pram when he was just three weeks old. I told DH to tell them no and it caused a bit of tension. The support and advice I got on here was really helpful.

However, I have since been asking my RL friends about it and I'm getting really mixed reviews. My sister told me that when her DS was 6 weeks old she allowed her IL's to have him overnight, I was really shocked as I just can't imagine doing this. She also allowed me and our DM to take him on holiday for a week when he was 7 months old. She obviously knew we'd care for him but a week apart just seems so long at such a young age. My sister wasn't fazed by the separation at all.

My best friend on the other hand wouldn't let her DD be away from her overnight until she was 2.5 years old when she was finally allowed to sleep over at her Grandma's house.

My DS is now 5 weeks old and yesterday the IL's suggested we leave the baby with them if me and DH ever needed a break. They live on the same street as us so I know they'd bring DS straight back if he got upset but I still felt uncomfortable at the thought.

How was everyone else?
Am I just being a clingy mother with my PFB?

Should add, DS1 took a bottle from birth so he had expressed milk when I went out, DS2 took a bottle from 3 weeks and so he had formula when I went out (I found it harder to express second time round for some reason).

My eldest was 6 months old before she spent time alone with my parents (who from that point on were our childcare two days a week). My second was 10 months old.

No way would they have gone off with my parents at 3 weeks old!

Don't be pressured into doing what you don't want to do. If you are not comfortable leaving him, then there is nothing unreasonable about it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I left DD3 (7 weeks) for the first time yesterday to go for a jog. It was bliss

Each to their own, obviously, but I do think it's unusual not to be happy to leave your children to have dinner with your partner after six months. That seems to be the norm in our group, and as far as I can see, it makes for relaxed and happy children that aren't too demanding or clingy (which in turn makes for happy parents who have time to spend alone just with each other). It's good for them to learn to trust other people, especially family. DH has a cousin who is lovely, but who refuses to leave her 3 and 5 year old if she's going to be more than an hour's drive away. Her children refuse to behave if she or her DH aren't there in the room and as a result she never gets any time on her own, which I think is a shame and can't be great for her relationship. Obviously nobody should ever be forced into doing anything they're not comfortable with, but for the child's sake it might be worth remembering that the first time will always be the hardest...

I would just make yourself do it - the second time it will feel a lot easier.
My DC1 started nursery 3 days a week at 3 months. I felt totally fine about it.

I was talking to my friend about it today and she told me that when her DD was 6 weeks old she left the baby with her sister whilst she went to EuroDisney for 3 days!!

Dd is 6 months and I still haven't left her with anyone at all. Yes I'm getting comments about it, but I'm just not ready. What is the point in me 'getting a break' when I don't want it?!

DD is 6 mo and I've let IL babysit for 2 hours once during the day and my DH had her in the evening while I went out for diner with the girls for a few hours but that was only after I had put her to bed and felt sure she would be asleep for a good few hours and not notice I had gone!

Back to work soon so I'm going to have to start leaving her a bit more frequently so she gets used to it, but no way will anyone be having her overnight and I definitely wouldn't have let anyone take her when she was just a few weeks old.

All this "give you a break" nonsense does my head in, I know full well you just want a cuddle! prays no-one she knows is on MN

It's up to you really. I left my daughter with my parents for a few hours at 4 days old so DH and I could get out and run errands and relax for a bit after a stressful hospital stay (nothing dramatic, I just hate hospitals).

My parents took her for a walk at 3 weeks, and then let a bunch of neighbors hold her, which I was upset about. I told my mom she wasn't suppose to be held by a bunch of people before 8 weeks, her excuse was that the neighbors would have just popped by and held her. I told her they could pop by all they wanted by I wouldn't have let them hold my baby and to come back in a few weeks. But DD survived, and didn't get sick. She's a hardy little thing, not so much as a sniffle so far. So, all is well I suppose.

Do what feels right for you, without letting anyone pressuring you. If you do it against your better instinct you'll just be worried the whole time and not enjoy the peace and quiet.

Left my son at a few weeks old with my parents so I could sleep. Was a single mum from when he was born, father has no involvement whatsoever so I needed the break. Left him many times since with my parents and sprints weekends away from him whilst I was on mat leave to go sailing. I trust my parents 110% to look after him and his well being. I needed to do things separate from him for my own well-being (suffered PND). But I don't think it effected my bond with him. Everyone is different I suppose

Spent not sprints*

You do exactly what you want and what feels right for you. My DP kept telling me to leave my ebf DD with his parents to give me a break when she was only a few weeks old. I just told him that I didn't want to be apart from her just yet. It's fair enough! Just tell them thanks but maybe when the baby is a bit older

Ha, I'm a total wuss, my PFB wasn't away from me for a full day until he was 18mo. He's now 3yr5mo and still haven't been away overnight! I've missed a handful of bedtimes for socials and work. Just haven't the stomach for it. I have been encouraging the idea of.an overnighter with my parents, whom he adores, but he's quite clear that that's a shit idea.

To me, a small baby is like an old car that will only start if you hold the key a certain way and hold your tongue to the left. There's no way I'd leave my small baby with someone who doesn't know her completely.

When they hit toddlerdom I am more than happy to unclench!