I am beyond pissed off

[QuickNM]

I just want to Tell someone how pissed off I am. I'm tempted to go ranting at DP when I see him but wondering if I'm unreasonable regarding this one issue and it it's worth the argument.

DS has an autoimmune disease is regularly ill.
He was a bit teary after school yesterday and didn't eat his dinner so I guessed it was coming and in the night he woke disorientated temp 39.

I opened our bedroom door and the window DP asked why I explained DS was unwell. DP said ok.

He goes to work before we wake and last night before we were aware DS was ill he said was planning to go for a few drinks after work with his friends. I was pissed off anyway because I'm pregnant and jealous, I'm lonely, he's been out quite a bit and spends 6/7 days with these people anyway but I am aware those thoughts are unreasonable so said nothing.

He didn't call to ask about DS but text me about 1pm to ask if tomorrow we just wanted to stay in and have a roast to cure his hangover but didn't ask about DS.

I text back to say that was fine and incase he was wondering at all DS still unwell with temp and tummy pains.

He hasn't text back. I'd be coming home but then I know I'm PFB but the fact that he hasn't even asked about DS or doesn't seem to even give a flying fuck is making my heart race with anger! Not to mention he would never ever be willing to be left alone to look after poorly DS whilst I went out on the piss with the people I see every day.

It's just the cherry on top ATM. He things he is the loving family man and I'd be lost without him. It's bollocks but I'm pregnant and shitting it and DS keeps dropping heart wrenching bombs such as I love my mummy and daddy and when baby's here we will all be partners and a proper family!!!

I just wanted to add OP that I made the decision to leave my then DP when I was ill in hospital. My dp barely came to visit me and left my parents to look after Dd who was then a baby. It was a galvanising time for me. I sat there feeling grim and thinking "No, this it IT. This is not the sort of relationship I want" When I came out of hospital myself and Dd came home. I told my DP on that day that our relationship was over and I actually felt really calm. Once dp actually left the main emotion I felt was relief. I had no concerns about finding someone else, I just wanted to be a contented single person and also to get on with parenting on my own...which was largely how it had been up till then anyway.

I'm not saying it was plain sailing after that but it was pretty much. I was much happier on my own than with someone who didn't give a toss. The tension between us had been so wearing and distressing and to be without that was fantastic. Of course 2 years later I met my now amazing DW as I've already told you but even if that hadn't happened there's no way I'd still be with my ex. I'd much rather be single.

Hope you are doing ok OP today. Try not to worry. You are a very strong person who has basically been doing it all yourself anyway!

QuickNM I just ready your update.
Coke has such a pull on users, which is why he was never going to offer to cancel the night out. That now makes perfect sense.
He's shoving family time and money straight up his nose. You and your DCs deserve so much better.
I think you should invest in some legal advice. You have a great future ahead of you.
And yes, he felt like shit this morning. Good.

Thank you very much Mooncup for taking the time to be so helpful.

Partner has no assets. We have no finance or credit on anything everything that is here is mine. Money is an issue though and one he can very much hide. He has recently started to manage his own company at the moment there are no payslips. I do worry about maintenance and I know he would be taking a lot more than he lets on and probably very easily hide that from anyone if he was to.

He would give me £100 a week. Despite having a lot more for himself but hey ho I can survive and karma and all that.
At the moment he pays the rent. The majority of that would be covered by housing benefit I would need to put about £100 a month towards it. His other financial responsibility is food shopping which would be covered by child main tenets so all in all I'd be worse off by about £100 a month bills wise but can make that up by cancelling sky and gym membership.

The only other thing is miscellaneous bills such as a washing machine breaking or BABY STUFF. He has the lump amounts to pay out for this stuff no worries where as t would take me months to save. I will get insurance on all of my products and devices to save having to pay out for something. It is only baby stuff I am then concerned about. If he is amicable He will help out. If not I will buy second hand and have a grabby baby shower

I'm going to sit down and write a list to remind myself why I am doing this. Because I know the negatives will more than outweigh the positives.

I want out right now, he's lying on the Sofa and has asked me to make him a bacon sandwich twice which I have obviously said no to

The only thing I'm worried about is I need to move. Which will cost me nearly £2000 and I just don't have it.

Be clever, be mercenary, be stealthy.

I have lots of baby stuff.
Where are you?

Can you squirrel away some housekeeping towards the move into an account of your own? It's also worth looking around your home to see if there's any old toys etc that might be worth selling off. Did your existing child get any never used christening presents?

In your shoes I'd aim to stay until the baby was born, squirreling away every secret penny that I could(to ensure that the he purchases the large items like cot, pram and car seat that you'l need).

I hate to say it, but if he's an addict then he'll only deteriorate over time, so please don't EXPECT to get a penny out of him once you split as his addiction will take priority. The CSA is utterly useless, especially if the absent parent is self employed. This is also the reason I think he needs to go as in 5 or 10 years time he'll bear NO resemblance to the man you met and fell in love with and will have done a lot of damage to your children & family life. Growing up with an addict for a parent basically screws you up.

I just think that you need to be sneaky, secretive and smart about how you go about leaving him. Expect a huge fuss when you do, as the man hasn't adapted to adult life at all and can't look after himself.

Don't fret about meeting someone else - men are like buses, one always come along eventually & then it's up to you to decide if you like that particular route or whether you'd rather wait fror the number 53. .

Besides he's no damn catch is he? A cokehead that can't pay a bill or make a bacon sarnie for himself is hardly gonna have clued up beauties beating his door down for his arrogant dismissal. One of the effects of coke is that it leads you to totally delude yourself about your capabilities and attractiveness.

What you do need to watch out for is school or the HV picking up on his addiction as they'll bring SS down on you, which could blow your sneaky, quiet exit plans out of the water totally.

I probably should have been sneaky secretive and what until baby's here but I couldn't. He's been snappy with DS asked me to make bacon sandwiches, iron his tshirt and just moaned whilst sat on the sofa sniffing. He snapped at me and I just thought you know what what's the point in living like this for the next 6 months - for what? The baby doesn't care if he/she is pushed in an £1000 buggy or a £100 one.
And it would probably be a hell of a lot harder to ask him to go when I have a newborn.

I'm sad I'm petrified. He's still here haven't had much chance to say anything as DS is here I'm assuming he's waiting to put DS to bed before he goes.

He's given me a good luck

Oh and he said I'd been acting 'shady' and if I was seeingm anyone!!' IM PREGNANT

Oh quick

I'm afraid I have nothing useful to say.
Bumping for good advice to appear.

If you tell him now or at some time in the near future would he leave or would you have to go? I mention that because you said you would have to move.

I've never said this to anyone on MN because you never know the other side of the story, you never know about other people's relationship in detail, etc, but you need to leave this guy asap. I appreciate it must feel very very scary but he is such a loser you'd be better off without him.

Good luck dumping him and I hope your DS is feeling a lot better.

I've told him already and he's gone.
DS still sick and I feel completely lost.
I don't have to go but I'm supposed to me moving closer to work and I don't know if they are going to renew my tenancy and we live in a box so was planning to get some more space to prepare for the baby but I will just roll with each day now.
I'm just hoping DS is better tomorrow so I can put a form in for some help to put towards rent. It's due in 3 weeks so not sure that would be enough time anyway but just worried if it's late payment it will go against me getting my tenancy renewed.

Anyway - I will deal with day by day.
Today has been very hard

He is just asking you these sort of stupid questions to try and guilt you into making him a bacon sandwich

What a total cunt.

You will feel so, so much better when you're free of him.

I'm going to repost in relationships under my normal name redandchecker. Thanks again

Those practical issues are very difficult to get on top of I totally agree. However, you didn't have alot of choice really unless you wanted to live with this selfish person for the rest of your life. Would it be easier just to stay put for the time being while you get yourself sorted in other ways first? Have you called any friends or family to tell them what has happened? Big hug to you and your DS, sorry he is still feeling poorly.

Good idea, was going to suggest that. Will check in on you later and see how you're doing. There is great advice on that board.

Thanks TheReal I was totally rude there with your offer for baby stuff. That's really kind of you. I'm in bristol but I have worked out I should have about £300 per month disposable income for clothes etc for all of us. I'm going to do a carboot sale and save what I can for the big stuff.

Thanks Gurnie I haven't told anyone, I dropped him to his car an hour ago my mums abroad for the next week. I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Yes I'm going to stay put I don't have the funds to move if they don't renew my tenancy I will deal with it if it happens

Loads of people have lovely baby stuff that looks practically brand new, I know I had tons of gorgeous stuff that I gave to people when Dd was growing up. You really can get great stuff for next to nothing. Well done for being brave.

Well done.
Not rude at all.
I'm sorry you're scared. That's Normal isn't it?
But you're very brave and you will be fine.
For certain you and your dcs are already better off.

I've tried ringing my mum as I'm in a state but her phones off
I have no idea how I'm going to do this

Derlurking to say you are already doing this OP. You have been for years. Nothing will change day to day apart from you won't have a man child being useless and making to you feel crap. You can now live your life how you want and be happy. Well done :)