I am beyond pissed off

[QuickNM]

I just want to Tell someone how pissed off I am. I'm tempted to go ranting at DP when I see him but wondering if I'm unreasonable regarding this one issue and it it's worth the argument.

DS has an autoimmune disease is regularly ill.
He was a bit teary after school yesterday and didn't eat his dinner so I guessed it was coming and in the night he woke disorientated temp 39.

I opened our bedroom door and the window DP asked why I explained DS was unwell. DP said ok.

He goes to work before we wake and last night before we were aware DS was ill he said was planning to go for a few drinks after work with his friends. I was pissed off anyway because I'm pregnant and jealous, I'm lonely, he's been out quite a bit and spends 6/7 days with these people anyway but I am aware those thoughts are unreasonable so said nothing.

He didn't call to ask about DS but text me about 1pm to ask if tomorrow we just wanted to stay in and have a roast to cure his hangover but didn't ask about DS.

I text back to say that was fine and incase he was wondering at all DS still unwell with temp and tummy pains.

He hasn't text back. I'd be coming home but then I know I'm PFB but the fact that he hasn't even asked about DS or doesn't seem to even give a flying fuck is making my heart race with anger! Not to mention he would never ever be willing to be left alone to look after poorly DS whilst I went out on the piss with the people I see every day.

It's just the cherry on top ATM. He things he is the loving family man and I'd be lost without him. It's bollocks but I'm pregnant and shitting it and DS keeps dropping heart wrenching bombs such as I love my mummy and daddy and when baby's here we will all be partners and a proper family!!!

Yes I know.
Oh shit. I don't know. If it was an important "do" relating to actual work then I might let it go, if dh was showing concern for ds.
But if he was just out on the piss and was t checking that ds was ok/ I was ok I honestly think I'd be considering very serious action.
Possibly involving a large shovel.

It's just not on op. I cannot conceive of a partner behaving like this when their child is ill. My DW would not even think of doing that. I'm not trying to be smug. I just really think he is not being supportive of you at all. I know he is working but so are you, just not outside the home.

I would advocate leaving him to it on Sunday but I don't think I could actually bring myself to leave my poorly child with someone as inept as that. You have to put your foot down....sorry. It's not fair, I know.

Yes he's DSs dad
And nothing Mooncup. DS would be heartbroken as he's nearly five now and is besotted.
For me I know it's not right I've just been in this situation since 15, I'm scared, I'm pregnant and when I hear about all these amazing DPs and DHs I have a hard time believing it because I've never met anyone in RL with that but then we are young.

When we went through a rough patch I left him and he constantly told me no one would take on someone with a child. Now I'm definitely of the market with two!! That's what it boils down to really, I know id be fine alone I just have no experience of it in all my life.

theReal that made me chuckle so thanks!
gurnie I do work outside the home too!! I have two demanding jobs.

He is unsupportive you are right. I did send a text to say id be going for a swim tomorrow but I know I won't be able to be won't roll in till gone 6am and DS is demanding when unwell

FFS he can pay a bill and find pyjamas. He just chooses not too as that is YOUR job. He is far too important working to pay the rent to lower himself to dress his child ffs.

Stop paying for anything that he has. Actually fuck that. Just kick the twat out.

You might have been very young when you got together but you are about to have a second child together. It is time he grew up and you stopped letting him take the piss.

And you are NOT off the market with two kids but you need to stop thinking you need a make in your life to cope. I didn't put man as you aren't living with one currently.

My god QuickNM, it's too much. You are not "off the market" at all. I considered myself and extremely fabulous catch when I was single with Dd (she was 2 at the time). I met my gorgeous wife (we are both women) and she thought so too. We have been blissfully happy for 9 years now.

You sound like an extremely capable, sorted person, you are basically doing it all yourself anyway. MUCH better to be on your own that with a thoughtless, selfish person. Obviously that's just my view. It's entirely up to you but I can't see what you would be missing! Not easy situation for you though I agree.

Firstly I am very sorry your DS is unwell as thats your biggest worry.

Sorry to state the bleedin obvious but what attracted you to this man-child?

He does nothing round the house
He doesnt attempt to cook
he does give a flying 4X about DS
He cant manage money
Nights out? Deserve.. Him? WTAF!
He thinks all the above is cute and clever... Um hate to break it to him, he is an utter waste of space, by anyone's standards.

He could change his ways, maybe, if he realises what an arse he is being.. It will take you to point out these behaviours and habits he needs to change not next week, next month, but bloody well NOW, today, immediately. So when your new baby arrives he can start adding value to your relationship.

Hand holding and empathy, you are coping well but shouldnt do all this on your own! Xx

Excuse annoying typos!

You are giving me the kick up the ass that has been brewing. I'm not naive I do know I am just scared. If I wasn't pregnant I do think it would be an easier decision. What if he falls into a relationship with someone else whilst I'm
Carrying his child? What will I do on the day I go into labour? Will I want him there will it be stressful!? What if it's all too much for DS, I'm moving so requires new school. He'd have a new home, new school, new baby, and daddy no longer around - how would he cope?

These are the questions I ask myself.
I'm not asking anyone to answer them, just a clearer reason to why he's still around, maybe

Please don't cook him a lovely roast dinner tomorrow. He simply doesn't deserve it.
what is your DSs favourite meal? What would he/ you like to eat/ do together?

(if it's roast beef my plan is in The shitter of course, but stay with me...)

You don't have to explained yourself. You don't have to do anything you don't want to (apart from all the mum stuff of course )
Feel free to rant.

So what if he falls into another relationship? You should be seeing that as a good thing. You get shot of the prick.

Sorry but your reasons for why he is still there don't stack up when the negatives of him still being there are so big and damaging to your son. Your son is learning how to be a man and a father from this twat.

This man won't change as he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong so you either accept you are with a selfish bully or you get the hell out of there and have time and space to bring up your kids properly with values and empathy and get some self respect and self esteem for yourself.

I do understand, it's a very sensitive time and I'm not saying LTB. It's entirely up to you but you need to know that this isn't fair and he is so wrong when he tells you that you would be lost without him.

Yes and he only really sees DS Sundays anyway but is here for bedtime about 4/7 nights I'm just not sure of the impact on a four year old but yes he'd probably be happier when I'm Happier in the long run.
To be honest Mooncup I'm over trying now. I just want out. I just need the strength to do just that. I have tried hundreds of times and it has been all me and I'm worn out from
It all. There's so many issues that need fixing I wouldn't know where to start.

Do you have a supportive family QuickNM?

Listen, you know what you are going to do. And it is not right now. But it will be, one day. Start planning now, get those duckies in a row and when the day dawns, and it will, hit the door running...with his head. Out he goes, never to return. But just not now.

I did it. Got sick of the piss taking. DD1 was 2. There was precisely no change in my day to day life. She is 21 now. HIs uselessness merely continued. My DH is 9 years younger than me, we have a dd(6). if I had stayed with the other fella I don't know how much of my life I would have pissed up against the wall. But I only did it when I was well ready.

Your 4 year old's most important relationship right now is with you. That will continue till 7/8 when the friends they make or their favourite teacher will eclipse you.
There are so many people on here that have been single parents or are single parents doing far better jobs than if they were still with their partner. Sometimes it is just the way it has to be. It was for me the best decision I have ever made. I know I wold not be the person I am now if I stayed.

My mum's supportive.
Thanks for sharing lola, it makes me feel more positive.
It would probably be better for DS. He's been receiving mixed messeges from me and 'D'P now he's getting older we disagree on a lot regarding parenting

Similar to Lola, though it took me 14 years to work out how to leave. But I did it.

Couldn't be happier now.

If he is that much of a shit you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

A family member of dh's has 5 (you read that correctly) kids and a new bloke. 2 is nowhere near enough to mean you can't meet someone.....

Thanks Mooncup, very helpful.

I do need to disengage He strolled in gone 6am without any communication to say if he was ok / if we were ok. I took a quilt downstairs and explained DS was in our bed. He moaned because he had bought a friend back with him so the struggled for somewhere to sleep

Me and DS came downstairs about 9am after a long night and DS made me giggle, His dad said to him he wasn't feeling very well hungover and DS responded with well I Am really Sick!
He had definitely been doing coke. I heard him on the phone the other night asking for something from
Someone and wouldn't really explain when I asked what it was about and he's been blowing his nose CONSTANTLY.
I really really want to pack his bags and say goodbye and just deal with the consequences as they come but I do just need to disengage get myself sorted and then do it.

Of course you aren't "off the market" just because you will have two children!

My now DH took on three teenage boys, eyes wide open, and has had a great relationship with them. When the ex was being bloody awkward about paying something towards their clothes etc., (no maintenance) as agreed, my DH very explicitly told me he would support them completely. Not rich, just a decent human being. They exist.

Your children, and you, deserve so much more than what you are currently accepting. Good luck with your exit plan, you can have a wonderful future with your children if you take control and make positive choices.