to find my ds' behaviour abnormal and worrying?

[Nummer]

He is my only boy so I am a little scared to ask this in case I am completely off the mark. However I have spent a lot of time with sons of friends and relatives and they don't behave like my ds.

He will be 11 in a couple of weeks but quite young for his age in my opinion. The issue is that he is never "calm". He needs so much exercise and activity and even if we give him this he can't sit still or leave other people alone. He constantly makes unnecessary noise and annoys other people by poking them, tapping them, roaring in their ears.

He only plays loudly and wants to push everything to its limit. For example I took the dcs to a pool and he got so wound up he was shrieking, screaming and talking in a silly voice for ages afterwards. He often talks in a silly voice and acts the "clown". Other children are often annoyed by him.

His emotions are always extremely one or the other - so excited he's almost manic or so angry he's having a meltdown. He's rarely in the middle.

I don't want to be always checking his behaviour if this is a normal boy thing but I feel like I'm always nervous waiting for the next thing he's going to do. He gets really angry if told off and fights against obeying adults.

This isn't normal, is it?

Hm. My 10 year old isn't like this but I frequently worry that we have 'squashed' his exuberance somehow...

He sounds like quite a handful but I don't know about 'normal' - most children hate being told off. The invasion of other people's space does sound a bit more unusual. Not much help really, sorry, hope some others with more clue appear.

He is indeed a handful! It sounds terrible but I breathe a huge sigh of relief when he goes to school or to bed because I am always exhausted by him. Then of course I look forward to him again....then the winding up and shrieking begins again and off we go. I don't know about squashing exuberance....I'm not sure I could if I tried with ds.

What does school say? Is he the same in the classroom?

Presume he has always been this way op

What do the school say? Is he the same at school?

Has anyone ever mentioned ADHD [http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder/Pages/Introduction.aspx here]]?

Sorry- link here

He sounds a lot like my son. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Is he a fussy eater?
How is his handwriting?
Is he clumsy or accident prone?

How is his tolerance to pain?

Sensory Processing Disorder

Id look into Dyspraxia as well.

It isn't 'a normal boy thing' OP and it does need looking into.

Exactly the same as my son and I hoping the paediatrician will finally agree it's sensory processing disorder.

No it's not normal behaviour, by that age I would expect that a child would have learned boundaries with regards to poking/touching people and shouting in their ears. It's just not something adults do and most 10yo have started to emulate more adult behaviour and develop a little impulse control. The loud and excited playing I wouldn't be worried about as a single aspect of behaviour, but combined with not being able to sit still/quiet I think it merits investigation

I have considered all the diagnoses mentioned, yes. At school he is a bit unfocused/disengaged and can act up at times, but nothing bad enough for me to get a call or anything....yet. It's funny because teachers have occasionally expressed concern about lack of effort in certain areas (we have moved quite a bit) but never about behaviour. It has never been suggested that we investigate further, those concerns are just mine. DH is not really concerned.

The personal space issues are controlled better outside of the family which does give me hope that he is learning appropriate behaviour.

To answer fairybaby's questions:

He is not a fussy eater as such, but quite particular in his tastes (like only a certain brand of mayonnaise for example) but not to the extent that it's a problem.
Handwriting awful, absolutely appalling.
Not clumsy - very athletic and sure of himself physically.
I would say low tolerance to pain -will scream the place down getting an injection but I think that's more being indignant about having to do something he doesn't want to do than the actual procedure.

Primary schools have to pay for any diagnosis so they tend to keep quiet until kids reach secondary (though to be fair it could be that the moving around has disrupted any chance to observe him for long enough for schools to refer him). I'd get the ball rolling through your GP iiwy.

DS is a pain like OP describes but in all locations and especially difficult at school. I dread him going to secondary. DS gets kicked out of clubs & asked to leave places like soft play. There is no hope of DS getting a diagnosis, but maybe OP's DS has some other attributes that tick the right boxes.

To me, It sounds like OP's DS is merely quite excitable.

What's he like in someone else's care?

not school?

I really would go to my GP and ask for a referral. Schools can be very bad at spotting SN even if they have a lot of experience, and they cannot suggest a diagnosis but will talk in veiled terms (exuberant, lively etc). Also it's better to get a diagnosis before things reach total breakdown - or expulsion.

He's better for other people. To clarify, things are not going badly at school. He doesn't find it easy, but he's holding his own. It's me/his siblings who find him difficult and I worry about him socially.

I would advise you to go to your GP and ask for a referral to a paed. His behaviour does need to god investigated further and assessed. Our son has autism and very probably ADHD but we are waiting further assessments for that. He is also very loud and unfocused.

Read the stuff on 'Pathalogical Demand Avoidance (PDA)'.

A poster earlier in the week mentioned it and I read up on it out of interest (had never heard of it), then randomly discovered in conversation that one of my colleague's children has been statemented for it.

It's very interesting, I don't think my 9 year old is extreme enough to come under the heading but he can be very 'wilful' and is bordering on it at times.

Link for PDA Syndrome

Yep, have looked into PDA too. I honestly don't know if his behaviour is that extreme or not, which is why I posted here. He does sometimes control himself, when he chooses to....? He likes to do only what he wants to do!

That's what I found interesting about the PDA thing actually.

From what I could understand it doesn't present like other autistic conditions (don't know correct terminology, sorry).

It seems like it is saying that they are perfectly fine and able, but they have to be in control. They have the equivalent a panic attack if they feel that they are losing control of their life and go into meltdown.

As I said, my boy isn't extreme all day, every day, I would describe him as wilful and with a disruptive temper, so certainly not on the scale of what I would imagine it is like with PDA. My eldest is nearly 12 and was nowhere near as wilful as my youngest but has his moments.

I just manage my youngest slightly differently to my eldest, there are some good behaviour management techniques for PDA which are worth a try in the meantime, but I would definitely see Dr if you are worried.

(I have no experience with sn or asd at all, I just read a few things on PDA through interest)

I agree, you need a referral to a paediatrician. You could also consider referring him yourself to an occupational therapist with a qualification in sensory integration, as it sounds very much as if he may have sensory problems.

What's he like in someone else's care?

not school?