To be unhappy with my children's nursery?

[differentkindofpenguin]

this is my first AIBU, although i have been lurking for many years!

I need some advice regarding the nursery my kids go to, I really don't know if IABU. DS is 3 1/2, and DD is 16 months, they go to the different rooms of the same nursery. they have both been going for 8 months. The nursery seems good on the paper, good Ofsted report, qualified staff etc. But a few things just don't seem right, and I don't know if I am overreacting. If there is a problem, should i try and resolve the issues or look for a new childcare provider?

Communication is not great. When we collect the kids, we just get told: "s/he's been fine today" before the member of staff hands me the child and turns away. I often have to chase after them to ask about if they ate their dinner, if baby had a nap etc. Old nursery before we moved house used to give a quick report. On one occasion baby had a temperature and has been given calpol which I didn't know about until I got a chance to read her book, which was not until the evening.

Food seems healthy but not a great variety, and does not look or smell appetising.

Baby's face is always covered in snot and food, it's dried on so doesnt look like she has been cleaned all morning. Staff ratio is fine and they do not look rushed off their feet.

More worrying are the things my little boy says. He does not like going in and always cries, although seems to enjoy it once he's there. Recently, he would shout things like " EAT.YOUR. DINNER!" or "YOU'RE A PAIN, GO SIT ON THE CARPET!" at his sister, in an aggressive way that is not like him at all. Also, we never, ever call anyone a pain, he could only have heard it there! There is no way he could have heard it at home, at greatparents', or on TV (not unless Fireman Sam has gone mean over the years!). I was once going up the stairs to DS's room in nursery to pick him up and heard a member of staff shouting at a child to stop going in the cupboards in a loud, aggressive manner. I brought this up with the manager who said she has spoken to the staff in the room.

Today, I asked DS what he did in nursery. He said he had to sit on the step for not eating his dinner! I was really shocked by this, he is a fussy eater but i don't believe punishing him will make him a better eater! I tried to call the manager but she was not available, and did not ring me back. no mention of this on collecting him, or in his book. He doesn't make stuff like this up, 3 year olds can't lie right?

It also worries me that they do not seem to know the children very well even though they go 3 times a week. Things like my kids are bilingual. They have a high staff turnover, and key workers have changed several times, mostly without telling us.

What do my fellow mumsnetters think? Help!

I think you need to find another nursery.
This sort of thing is sadly common.
Can you ask friends which child care they are happy with?

Tbh it sounds very concerning, especially your ds mirroring talk that he has heard, you overheard a staff member being aggressive to a child, punishing over not earring. Tbh I would find another nursery.

I wouldn't be happy with this - particularly the face cleaning (or lack of) and the shouting. But I caveat that with the fact that I have a13 week old and a 16 month old who have never been in any kind of child care. P

That said, I am looking at nurseries for two afternoons for my DS just for socialisation. Key for me is finding somewhere where I can raise any concerns and have good dialogue with the nursery about this.

I don't get the feeling that you can do that there - for whatever reason - and that is an issue. I do not think you are being unreasonable

My daughter's nursery was nothing like this, it sounds blimming awful. I'd take the DCs, complain to the nursery and to the relevant authorities.

It sounds like you should find another nursery

darmok - is it common? Can you tell me on what basis you say that. I'm massively swithering about sending DS.

I'm only doing it on the basis that I think that the socialisation will be good for him so what you say is really worrying me

Find another nursery. I work with early years and the things you have said would be more than enough to make me think they weren't anywhere near good enough.

The dirt wouldn't bother me, but the rest would. I'd find another nursery.

That seems really off, all 'small' things but they build up to a much bigger picture and it's not a nice one. If a RL friend told me this I'd be helping her find a new nursery.

I think my children wouldn't go through their doors again.

Sorry, meant the dirty face wouldn't bother me. The rest would though

I think you should talk to the manager first, and then consider moving them.

As to whether 3 year olds can lie - yes they can, but what they do more often is give their version of the truth which can vary from what actually happened.

Sounds a poor nursery.

However the dinner thing, may not be accurate. He might be associating the not eating with something else that happened at dinner time? HavinG said that it sounds like a bad nursery so wouldn't be surprised. Run for the hills.

I would look elsewhere. Always go with you gut with these things and being called a pain is so wrong for your little boy

Gobbolino - I don't believe that a 16 month old needs to socialise. At that age, they are curious about others, but don't play with them.

I think you should find a different setting.

I would:
Put your concerns in writing to the manager, plus area manager/head office if the setting is part of a chain.
I would also consider raising the issue relating to the language used with the children in your son's room with Ofsted.
I would start looking for alternative childcare ASAP.

My dc's nursery wasn't like this at all. They loved going. The workers were lovely and friendly and would take the time to chat at drop off and pick up time - obviously theu can't have a full blown discussion with all the parents but definitely if something had happened like the children not eating lunch they would tell you and they were very approachable and would always take time to talk over any concerns. When my dc were around 3 they would also repeat things the workers.had said to them in a role play manner - it was very sweet - but it was never.anything aggressive like your ds has said. Things like "sit still on the carpet, little fidget" etc. said in a kind tone. I would've been horrified if I'd heard any of the workers.being aggresive.

I'd trust your instinct and go somewhere that you and they feel happy. As someone.upthread suggested, can you ask friends for recommendations?

I think trust your instincts, it's not right and I would look for another nursery. Family information service in your area can give a list of local nurseries with places available. Good luck.

Your instincts are telling you something's up for a reason. Having worked in an awful nursery, and a lovely one I can tell you these are all red flags. Find another one. Perhaps it is sadly quite common, but there are some lovely ones.

Good luck

I don't think that this sort of thing is common. My DD has been to two nurseries - both sound much better than that. They wouldn't leave her unwiped (within reason), never shouted, never used "the naughty step" or similar. And none of my friends have mentioned anything like this at their DCs' nurseries.

My child wouldn't be going back.

I actually think that there is some value in "socialising" at a young age. My DD was fascinated by other children from a very young age and learned a lot from copying them. I wouldn't hesitate to send a toddler to a good nursery that felt like the right environment for that child.

I think take your children out as soon as possible. From tomorrow if you can. I agree, go with your gut instincts. You've seen enough. yourself to know that there's a very good chance your ds is telling you exactly what it's like.

Thank you all for confirming my feelings. I'm off next week, i think i will look at local childminders from monday. I hate feeling that my lovely, loveable kids are treating like this. And that I'm paying someone a lot of money for it :S

I have a13 week old DD too so quite wanted a little bit of time with her too. She's a typical second child and shoved in her Moses basket or bouncy chair whilst DS gets the lion's share of my time!

I thought nursery might be good for him as there would be activities that I wouldn't necessarily do a lot of at home. Eg there's a mud kitchen in the garden that I know he would love. Also, all my friends who have gone back to work have raved about nursery for their DC...the things they do etc.

I've really swithered about sending him and was about to send back the form. We picked one with an outstanding ofsted rating (I know that this is not the last important thing etc) and where the manager seemed very open to discussion etc. plus we have friends who use it and love it. But this has really put me off.

Sorry for the thread hijack.

different