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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to borrow money off the kids to replace manky bathroom?

111 replies

gruffalobuffalo · 25/04/2014 14:22

We moved house not long ago and have been busy decorating, putting down carpets etc. We inherited a yucky bathroom complete with manky smelly carpet and our plan was to save up to replace the suite, tiles and flooring later this year. We had a leak at the weekend resulting in the bathroom carpet being drenched with water. The leak has been sorted out but the carpet absolutely stinks to high heaven (it was only water that leaked but it seems to have reactivated all the yucky smells in the carpet!). I could take the carpet up but then it's bare boards and with a SEN toddler, that would be difficult. I don't want to waste money on temporary flooring that could go towards proper flooring if you see what I mean.

It's going to take four or five months to put aside money each month to pay for the bathroom. We're not having anything fancy, only need about 1K but our savings have been swallowed up due to the moving fees and we're slowly building them back up and would rather not touch our 'emergency' money which is there for car repairs etc. This would be the last essential house job we'd have to do. Would it be awful to borrow out of the children's savings accounts to get the bathroom done soon and pay them back each month over the next four or five months?

OP posts:
Whyjustwhyagain · 26/04/2014 07:25

Just do it.
If you want/need to justify it further, you could reasonably have taken the £350 trip money from the child's account. Many parents will tell their child that expensive trips can only be covered in part by birthday/Christmas gifts.

mrgarybarlow · 26/04/2014 08:20

I would definitely apply to The Family Fund as you suggested earlier. My sister applies regularly as she has a dd with sen. Worth doing.

I would also borrow from their accounts with no guilt. Speak to them about it and tell them you will repay them. I would also have taken the £350 for the trip from dd's account too.

CSIJanner · 26/04/2014 08:29

Nope - don't do it. Agree with PP's of an interest free credit card. In fact, if you do have a credit card with unpaid money on it and it doesn't get paid off each month, transfer the balance so you're not paying fees, do the bathroom up then playit off with the money you were going to transfer back to your DC's account. No guilt, no interest payments and bathroom done!

MissMarplesBloomers · 26/04/2014 08:39

do it OP & ignore the naysayers, this is an emergency, it's for your childrens safety as well as the comfort of the whole family, not a session at a spa for yourself.

Sod illegal, you have put your own money in over the years too & why should you rack up debt or wait for a loan to come through. particularly as you have the chance of a decent suite for trade price from your chum.

You have made a plan that sounds eminently sensible for repaying the loan to the kids & more besides.

Go for it!

kali110 · 26/04/2014 08:54

Do it. You're going to pay the money back. Its going to benefit the whole family.

RedFocus · 26/04/2014 09:03

I wouldn't personally. You can pick up an odd bit of Lino very cheaply and that will last at least a year. Plenty of time for you to save. Just be patient!

FantasticButtocks · 26/04/2014 09:16

I would just ask the children. Say, we need the bathroom doing, if we borrow from you we can get it done straight away. We will pay it back like this etc. perhaps your dcs will enjoy being in a position to lend their parents money for a nicer bathroom! Smile

ILoveFrogs · 26/04/2014 09:18

Go for it, as long as you're sure you will pay it back. I had an unexpected expense around two years ago and borrowed money from DSs savings, I just added a bit more onto the monthly direct debit into his savings and paid it back over the course of a year. The money isn't for now so I didn't feel bad doing it and it's all paid back.

Jinty64 · 26/04/2014 09:21

Gosh, I can't believe anyone would hesitate. It is for their comfort and safety and they will be using it. You could have, quite reasonably, asked dd1 to pay for her own school trip. I would just do it and worry no more.

wheresthelight · 26/04/2014 09:24

missmarples "sod illegal" and "it's an emergency" Really??

I cannot believe all the people encouraging the op to break the law!!

Would you encourage her to cheat the benefit system "because it's an emergency" or drive after drinking because she had run out if bread for school lunches?? You are all idiotic!

Op save up, get a loan or a 0% credit card do not break the law

NotYouNaanBread · 26/04/2014 09:28

I think YABU. It's a lot of money & there may always be reasons to postpone replacing it, or to dip in again.

We took up our bathroom lino for similar reasons and painted the floorboards white. It looks fine. We'll try to fine the money for new Lino this year, but the white floorboards are fine and I can't think of any SEN that would make 1k worth of carpet an imperative alternative.

It's not a household emergency, it's an expensive personal preference & I don't think it's right to fund it with your children's savings.

therealeasterbunny · 26/04/2014 09:46

wheresthelight - Those examples are slightly different, don't you think?! Drink driving is seriously dangerous, and benefit fraud is much more serious than what the OP is proposing to do. This is in the interest of her family, no harm will be done, and she is going to pay the money back with interest.

Not nice to call people idiotic because they have a different opinion to you.

Besides, how do you know what sort of account it is, it may not be remotely illegal. I have an account for DS which is in my name and is in no way linked to him. (I have good reasons for this which DH and I discussed extensively.) It wouldn't be illegal to borrow money from there, it is all in my name.

ICanSeeTheSun · 26/04/2014 10:06

If OP couldn't pay it back I would be saying don't do it.

Family fund hasn't got a bottomless amount of money and as the OP looks like she is able to pay for it, then why take off a charity.

Op work situation is also nobody business, her DH is working and is probably earning enough.

SystemIDUnknown · 26/04/2014 10:21

First of all, take the carpet up! Bare boards always sound horrendous but we had bare boards on the upstairs landing for about a month last year when we were waiting for the useless carpet men to fit the new one and it's not that bad.

At least that will get rid of the smell...if you don't like boards, just cover the floor with sheets in the meantime.

I would be reluctant to take from the kids savings. It can be a slippery slope...once you 'break the seal' and do it once, it won't seem so bad to do it again, etc.

If you can afford to repay at £200 a month, it won't be that long to get it done anyway. Do it in stages...in 3 months you can replace the actual suite, then the month after the carpet, then the tiles.

But definitely remove that yucky carpet now! Bare boards are much better!

wonderingsoul · 26/04/2014 10:56

its not stealing!

op do it and dont feel guilty over it.

the way i see it's not their money till thier 18.

unless its their birthday /christmas money. which youv said its not.. its money youv put in.

your putting it back.

its no different from putting money into a savings account. under your name.. untill they reach an age where they can bank and you giving it to them in one lump sum!

wheresthelight · 26/04/2014 13:50

Breaking the law is breaking the law irrespective of the perceived severity.

If the accounts are in the names of your children then you are breaking the law!

Quinteszilla · 26/04/2014 13:56

I would lift the carpet, sand a bit, and paint with white bathroom floor paint for now. That would smoothe the floor and sort the splinter issue.

PrimalLass · 26/04/2014 14:02

Do not get credit, or wait. The money is sitting there and the children do not need it just now. You could involve them in the repayments.

PrimalLass · 26/04/2014 14:02

Honestly, why on earth would you take out a credit card when the money is there?

CoffeeTea103 · 26/04/2014 14:06

Don't be ridiculous, off course use the money! Why do you need to type out this lengthly post trying to justify it. You need the money, the children will benefit, and you would be daft to take out credit.

thebodydoestricks · 26/04/2014 14:07

Wouldn't think twice about it op.

You want a nice house and your kids will benefit from living in one too.

Original poster
gruffalobuffalo · 26/04/2014 14:52

Where'sthelaw, as for your comments about me not paying back my children if I'm not working, I'd like to reassure you that you're talking rubbish. I worked full time as a teacher until our son was born. I would still like to teach part time. However I am unable to be off work every other day (my son has appointments/sessions every day at the moment and this is likely to continue for the foreseeable future) even if I were to share the appointments with my husband. That doesn't mean that I can't afford to repay my children. We have a budget which we try our best to stick to that allows us to save each month. We've had a run of expense due to relocation but these expenses have stopped now bar the bathroom. We could save up by the end of summer but the work is essential now. The floor is not fit for sanding and our son will not stand on certain textures due to his sensory issues so sheets/card is not an option. Even if I could sand the floor, I wouldn't get chance to do so with DS around and the cost of doing so would be wasted money. His wild splashing in the bath means we would risk water soaking through the uncovered floor causing an even bigger bill even if I could persuade him to stand on bare boards.

As for your comments that I would be ripping off DLA money (we've not yet claimed for this by the way), I am of the understanding that DLA is to benefit the needs of DS. If I was already receiving DLA and used that monthly money to pay for the bathroom, I would view it as in DS's best interests to have a safe hygienic room. A rickety smelly damaged bathroom unpleasant for anyone, even more so when you have sensory issues (hypersensitivity to smells/textures/movement sensations). Most of any money received once we apply would be used for private speech therapy, petrol for appointments, trips to places that will stimulate him, but if we needed some of the DLA to do something to our home to make it safe for him (nothing is needed at the moment but in the future something like adding gates to our driveway could become essential if he continues to bolt off), then I would do so without any guilt.

I've spoken with both DD1 about the bathroom and the fact we need to save up. DDs were happy for us to borrow part of their savings money and even said they didn't want repaying; I've told them that obviously we will be paying them back each month and will let them both choose a treat/day out as a thank you at the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
gruffalobuffalo · 26/04/2014 15:01

I did speak to the Family Fund and bathrooms are classed as a home modification so would not be eligible for funding. Flooring would be but we would have to wait several months for the claim to be processed. We will however be filling in a referral to ask for some money towards sensory toys/garden toys to help with DS's balance and coordination.

Notyounaan, it isn't 1k of carpet we're borrowing of the children to buy. We're replacing a damaged bath, wobbly toilet, spurting taps and smelly carpet with a new bath, sink, toilet, taps, tiles and vinyl flooring. We can buy these things at trade price through DH's plumber friend who will also fit the suite for us at a mates rates charge (through his books before anyone accuses me of breaking the law yet again!).

OP posts:
Original poster
gruffalobuffalo · 26/04/2014 15:13

Easterbunny , thinking about it, yes the money could be said to be officially in our names. The three savings accounts are linked to our current account but each child has an account allocated to them with their savings in. So the account for DD1 says: Mr & Mrs Gruffalo Re: Buffalo. We then just pay any money into our current account and transfer it online to their savings pot. The same works when they've chosen to spend money from their savings - we just transfer it out of their savings pot to our current account.

OP posts:
PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 26/04/2014 15:20

If you were to save up, over months, in order to do the bathroom then presumably that would be money that wasn't then going in to the children's accounts for a while. You are just borrowing and the children need a usable bathroom as much as anyone else in the house. Do it and don't worry.