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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the need is for a social services visit

30 replies

Star8369 · 25/04/2014 14:21

I have just had a phone call from social services saying they want to come out and see me and my 11 year old daughter because she has been using chat rooms.

Aibu in not seeing the need for a home visit because of this? Don't most children her age use them?

OP posts:
MrsDeanAmbrose · 25/04/2014 14:30

I'd imagine some issues have come to light in relation to who she may have been communicating with in a chat room, information she may be giving out, or another safety issue. Issues like this can come to light through school or the police, and are passed on to children's services to then discuss with parents the best ways of keeping their children safe.

When you've monitored your daughter's chat room use, has there been anything of concern you've noticed, eg people asking her for identifying info, or trying to get her to meet up?

(incidentally, children seem to not really use chat rooms so much nowadays, it's more social media or messenger services)

Canthisonebeused · 25/04/2014 14:31

Has someone reported something to them you are unaware of possibly, do you monitor her use? And what chat rooms is she using? Are social services already involved?

BillyBanter · 25/04/2014 14:33

I'd wait and see what they say when they come. Somehow or other they have been alerted to a possible issue and they need to follow up. Try not to see them as the enemy.

SpringBreaker · 25/04/2014 14:33

Why are you allowing a child to use chat rooms?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/04/2014 14:34

Maybe other children have been targeted in this specific chat room. How closely do you monitor her online presence?

Canthisonebeused · 25/04/2014 14:35

There are chat rooms aimed at kids.

FreeLikeABird · 25/04/2014 14:36

What sort of chat rooms are you talking about OP?

WilsonFrickett · 25/04/2014 14:37

Aren't you worried that something has happened to her, or that she has bullied someone? SS really aren't just coming out to check her internet use. Sorry. You need to have a conversation and take steps to protect her (or others).

HerrenaHarridan · 25/04/2014 14:44

Op you should have been more clear.

Lots of young children use chat rooms the Harry potter site for instance has a very heavily moderated chat room.

If there had been a serious breach of child safety at one if these sites I can well imagine ss checking up on others kids using it.

Tbh it's much more likely she's said something to or in front of a teacher that has been massively misinterpreted however teachers are obliged to follow stuff up.

We once had the ss round because my step dad had tried to hug me in chiropodists waiting room and I had pushed him off. The receptionist apparently felt like he was forcing physical attention on me.

For the record he absolutely wasn't!

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 25/04/2014 14:44

OP, there's obviously a SS history so they will be wanting to check your daughter's safety. She could be talking to anyone and being groomed by anybody. YABU.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/04/2014 14:46

What kind of chat rooms? Your OP comes across as naive. Do you know who she's talking to?

Original poster
Star8369 · 25/04/2014 14:53

all her internet use is monitoed and I have never seen anything inappropriate

OP posts:
Original poster
Star8369 · 25/04/2014 14:55

social services are not already involved

OP posts:
BackforGood · 25/04/2014 14:55

As others have said, I'd wait and see what it is SS are investigating - it may well be that they haven't wanted to go into detail over the phone but there is some concern they have and the fact your dd has been in the chat room has left her vulnerable.

I can't speak for 'most' dc her age, but I can say my dc don't use chat room, no. (Youngest is 12)

BuzzardBird · 25/04/2014 14:56

Does she have a smart phone?

5OBalesofHay · 25/04/2014 15:00

They won't be visiting for no reason, they may have information that you are unaware of but need to know. When are they coming? Try not to get anxious and see what its about

Original poster
Star8369 · 25/04/2014 15:01

no buzza she doesnt have a phone

OP posts:
Original poster
Star8369 · 25/04/2014 15:01

they are coming at 4pm

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 25/04/2014 15:12

I work as a social worker in child protection and we do loads of visits like this. There are a few different reasons i can think of they could be visiting.

The police could be monitoring the activity of someone who is using the chat rooms inappropriately (adult) and has spoken to your DD. Or your DD's name has come up when SW/police were talking to another child about sexualised talk on these chat rooms. Or you DD has been using the chat rooms to talk to someone in a sexualised way and they want you to know.

Of course it may not be this at all but that is my experience of young people using chat rooms in a way which might be risky.

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 25/04/2014 15:14

They may not be currently involved but history means in the past.

She could have said something at school that has been flagged up anyway.

BuzzardBird · 25/04/2014 15:17

Fingers crossed for you OP that it isn't anything too upsetting and it can be nipped in the bud now.

bochead · 25/04/2014 15:24

Identity theft is a real issue online nowadays - that was my first thought OP. The reason for their visit may have nothing to do with your parenting at all!

She could be being groomed by someone using a computer off your home premises such as during lunch time clubs at school. Or worse other children could be using social media to plan something horrid for her - bullying goes further than name calling nowadays. (You don't have to use facebook for others to use it to talk ABOUT you!). It may be the adult relative of another pupil is stalking her & using technology to do so. Bad things happen to good people. Secure chat rooms designed for kids can get hacked by the unscrupulous.

Don't assume SS are coming to judge you, they may be coming to show you how to protect your child from a situation that you could have NO way of knowing about. A good SS department should be doing a lot more than just the sort CP protection work the media seizes on - they sort out equipment and respite for disabled children where there are no issues with parenting to name just one example of what I mean.

It's a VERY strange world out there nowadays - keep an open mind when you answer the door to them please. Be prepared to work with them in the best interests of your child.

Original poster
Star8369 · 25/04/2014 16:41

the social worker rang ten minutes before she was supposed to be here to cancel and has rearranged for Tuesday

OP posts:
Canthisonebeused · 25/04/2014 16:47

I wouldn't be too happy about that if I were you did you insist on finding out the details of the concern?

HavannaSlife · 25/04/2014 16:51

Did you not ask them what it was about?