Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

WIBU to take Â£40 off dd ?

82 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 24/04/2014 22:08

Dd begged to get her ears pierced but every time I took her up she would cry and be too scared . She eventually got them done the 5th time we took her .

So 6 weeks have past and it's not time to take them out . It took 3 night of crying screaming and holding her ears we eventually got them out . Now she is refusing to put a fresh pair in so her ears are going to close up . WIBU to make her reimburse us the Â£40 it cost us to get them done ?

OP posts:

MoominsAreScary · 25/04/2014 00:09

You shouldn't have taken her back after she cried the first time. 5 times really?

feathermucker · 25/04/2014 00:22

You would be incredibly unreasonable to take Â£40 from her; you really would!!! You didn't need to take them out.

It would be inappropriate to punish her for being in pain.

You weren't necessarily wrong to allow her to get them done, but punishing her would be.

Lovecat · 25/04/2014 00:41

I think your clue there that she wasn't ready for it was that it took 5 times of going there to actually get them pierced.

DD is 9. She desperately wanted earrings. I bought her some sparkly clip ons, £4 in Claires.

She's made up that she has earrings, I don't have to look at her perfect ears with holes punched in them or supervise her cleaning said holes (as I have to stand over her to make sure her teeth get cleaned properly I sure as hell knew she wasn't going to clean piercings off her own bat), there's no risk of infection or scarring... win-win.

Taking £40 off her is punishing her for your own stupidity, quite frankly.

sarinka · 25/04/2014 07:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thattimeofyearagain · 25/04/2014 07:20

Erm , she "demanded" that her new earings had to go in ? Good luck for the teen years if your that much of a pushover

DogCalledRudis · 25/04/2014 07:30

Whoa... She screamed her head off, and you still proceeded with piercing? YABVU

googoodolly · 25/04/2014 07:34

YABVU.

She obviously isn't mature enough for earrings if it took you five trips o the shop before she got them done. You should have said "no, you're not ready, we'll try again next year" after the first trip.
You shouldn't have made her cry with pain/fear to take them out! They don't need to be changed at six weeks. Put the earrings back in, clean them everyday with a seasalt solution and leave them alone. They don't need to be twisted or changed yet.
When she decides she wants to change them, make sure they're surgical steel or gold earrings - cheapies from Claire's will probably give her an infection this early on, and a lot of people are intolerant to that kind of metal. I've had my ears pierced for over 14 years and I can't wear cheap earrings for longer than a day without them getting itchy and red.

Next time - don't give into the begging of a 9 year old!

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 25/04/2014 07:40

I can't get beyond the 5 times to be honest.

However use this experience constructively, do not charge her £40. This is a warning sign about teenage years and how you approach them. You're going to need to stand firm a lot in the future so practice now.

Icimoi · 25/04/2014 08:26

I do hope you and dd have learnt from this that the fact that she begs for something doesn't mean it's necessarily appropriate for her to have it.

Hoppinggreen · 25/04/2014 08:38

Is this for real?
If so I just bloody despair.

redskyatnight · 25/04/2014 08:41

I can't get beyond a 9 year old actually have 40 to take away!

DowntonTrout · 25/04/2014 08:43

I honestly think there should be a ban on children having their ears pierced, at least until the age of 12. As for taking them to Claire's....well I despair.

Your DD wasn't/isn't ready. You both made a mistake, but you are the adult here. The screaming once should have been enough to make you realise she was too young.

So now it's done. Tell her you have to either put the original studs back in ( or some decent gold/ titanium studs) or she chooses to let them heal up and it won't be discussed again until she goes to senior school and can take responsibility. As for charging her £40, yes YABU. It sounds as if it's been enough of a lesson for her anyway.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 08:46

I have 3 dds and i went through this, leave them then when they heal up a bit they will probably go back through which is what happened to first DD, second DD i left them in for much longer than 6 weeks to make sure they were healed, DD3 got hers done was on a trampoline and banged into a pole resulting in the earing getting imbedded and having to be surgically removed. If this had happened to my first DD non of them would have got their ears pierced, its was horrific and very scary for my DD who was in a huge amount of pain even more so when they tried to pull them out at A&E and she had blood running down the side of her face and back then she had to have a GA for surgery, then the healing process. If i had my time again i would wait till they were 16 and better able to deal with it. The older two rarely wear earings anyway and are not allowed to for school anyway so it was a waste of time and money, DD2 couldnt do PE for 4 weeks after having them done at the beginning of the 6 weeks holidays

Should she give you the £40 back - NO, she must be in pain

ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 08:49

i never paid more than £8.50 for my dd's pierced either so YABU for going to claires and being charged £40

MRSjayy · 25/04/2014 08:54

no dont take her money from her thats daft lesson learned i think she was to young and scared to get them done you should have left them in they don't have to come out, fwiw i got dd2 ears pierced at 8 was the same faff to change earrings she wanted anther pair in then changed her mind sigh so they closed up, she got them re done at 13 with her own birthday money she was fine with them I cant believe ear piercing cost 40 quid they say you coming

crunchyfrog · 25/04/2014 09:40

DD had hers done at 8. She didn't beg, she asked and we discussed it, making it very clear that looking after the piercings wasn't optional, that it might hurt etc. I was quite concerned as my sister was like the child in the OP (hysterical with every earring change, but begging for them to be changed) so DD was warned about that too.

DD didn't find the piercing painful at all, didn't even wince, and has looked after them beautifully for 2 years now. She wants her second set done, but we're going to wait a couple of years for that I think. Some kids aren't ready at 8!

(My own experience is that ear piercing doesn't hurt particularly, so I have never understood the drama.)

lollilou · 25/04/2014 12:08

I don't think that 6 weeks is long enough for them to heal. My dd (14) has had hers done twice now both at the start of the summer holidays but as her school doesn't allow them to wear any piercings for PE they just weren't healed enough for her to take them in and out 2 times a week.
We have left them out now and she says she wants to wait until she is older.
I don't think you should take the money from your dd she didn't know what could happen.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/04/2014 12:31

No don't take the money off her. Really after the second time of her refusing to go through with it you should have just said she is obviously too young and you will think about it again in a couple of years.

Why on earth did it cost £40? Sounds a bit odd.

Don't make her pay for your parenting mistakes, why you would take her 5 times is beyond me, you must have the patience of a saint.

MyrtleDove · 25/04/2014 12:56

I had my ears pierced on my 9th birthday (at a proper piercing place not Claire's) and was fully capable of looking after them properly, and I'm now in my 20s and they haven't caused me any problems. However, my mum still helped me keep them clean with salt water - have you been making sure they've been cleaned? They don't need taking out, just cleaning.

Definitely don't make her pay £40 (what 9yo has £40 to spend anyway???) for something which was your decision/gift. Do you make her reimburse you for clothes that don't fit?

I'm also puzzled as to how it costs £40 to get ears pierced at Claire's, it's never cost that much!

SavoyCabbage · 25/04/2014 13:13

I'd be pleased if they closed up.

Give her the money back. Throw away all the earrings. Don't mention them again.

If she asks ever again, raise an eyebrow and change the subject.

HavantGuard · 25/04/2014 13:23

Far to immature to deal with it appropriately. You not her.

Lj8893 · 25/04/2014 13:29

So much wrong with this op I don't even know where to begin!

Dawndonnaagain · 25/04/2014 13:30

The only ones that cost £40.00 are the 18 carat gold ones. To have pierced a nine year olds ears with 18 carat gold earrings when they really weren't ready is the fault of the parent and the parent alone.

TinyTear · 25/04/2014 13:34

Unless £40 is £8 x 5 times?

ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 13:51

Are you sure it was not you who wanted her to change her earings, im struggling to undertsand why you would want to remove 18 carat gold earings after paying £40 for them, i also don't understand why your forced them out when she was screaming. If you read the aftercare section on Claires website it says this

EAR LOBE PIERCINGS: Leave ear piercing earrings in your ear for at least 6 weeks. After 6 weeks, the ear piercing earrings can be removed and other post type earrings can be worn. Post earrings must be worn at all times for the first 6 months to ensure that your ear piercing will remain the proper size.

If she was screaming when you tried to remove them then they were obviously not ready to come out and had you read the aftercare it clearly states leave them for at least 6 weeks. no wonder after trying to force them out for 3 nights she will not let you put them back in, i wouldn't either. Why is it so important for her to put them back in when you took them out too soon and shes in pain?

Flip

1 2 3 4