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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to take £40 off dd ?

82 replies

olaflikeswarmhugs · 24/04/2014 22:08

Dd begged to get her ears pierced but every time I took her up she would cry and be too scared . She eventually got them done the 5th time we took her .

So 6 weeks have past and it's not time to take them out . It took 3 night of crying screaming and holding her ears we eventually got them out . Now she is refusing to put a fresh pair in so her ears are going to close up . WIBU to make her reimburse us the £40 it cost us to get them done ?

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 24/04/2014 22:21

YWBU to take money off her.

You made a major misjudgement taking a child that age to have her ears pierced in the first place. You added to the misjudgement by taking her back repeatedly even when it was clear that she was frightened of the pain. You need to pay the price financially because she's paying it in fear and distress.

You would have been far better spending time helping her to understand that she doesn't need to make holes in her body to fit in or look pretty, especially if it's something she's scared of. Teach her to be confident in the person she is instead of punishing her for your own mistake in allowing her to be pressured into this in the first place.

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 24/04/2014 22:21

Yeah I would have done that picnic but she bought new earrings last week and was determined she wanted them in .

OP posts:
gamerchick · 24/04/2014 22:26

No don't take her money off her.. what you're saying is pretty ridiculous. They could have stayed in until she was ready to have them out.. one night of trying would have had me telling her to wait.

They don't close up that quick anyroad.

Dontwanttobeyourmonkeywench · 24/04/2014 22:26

I'll probably be flamed but here goes... I would clean her ears and put the new ones in but turn them every morning until the ears have healed. I had to do this with DD last year but I realised after I removed the earrings that the reason why she was reluctant to put in new ones was because the ones that they used to pierce her ears had a thicker post and the butterfly didn't slip on but had to be twisted slightly. It hurt when I removed them so she was scared it would hurt again.

I put ice on her earlobe and cleaned the area before I put in the new pair. Because the new ones had a thinner post, they slipped in with minimal fuss and the butterflies slid on rather than needing to be twisted so it was less fuss. She did scream the house down initially because she was anticipating pain but it was relatively painless (as in the holes hadn't started to heal and just needed a wipe). She's not as reluctant to change them now because she knows it doesn't hurt. She's 7, 6 when she had her ears done.

pinkie1982 · 24/04/2014 22:27

I wouldn't have taken them out. It's still tender at 6 weeks, too early really. I have piercings I have never removed a few years down the line. They are cleaned but no need to remove them completely.
You paid £40? Ripped off! You can't charge her for it, she isn't earning, still young and hasn't actually done anything wrong so not a punishment

wheresthelight · 24/04/2014 22:30

Frankly you are an idiot!!!

A) where the hell did you take her for it to cost £40???? Goldsmiths?!
B) the 5 times she cried and changed her mind should have told you she wasn't ready
C) there is no such thing as "time to take them out"! Youare talking bullshit! 6 weeks is the earliest you can take them out but it is not a deadline to take them out
D) for someone ad uneducated about it as you come across your had no right getting your kids ears pierced in the first place

Do not charge her for your own stupidity

DoJo · 24/04/2014 22:30

I agree with others that you need to toughen up a bit with her - 'begging' to have her ears pierced and'determined' to wear her new earrings both sound as though you made the decision to suit her wants rather than thinking about what she needs.

I would say write this all off as a bad idea, talk with her about how sometimes you know better than her and how she might sometimes think that she's ready for something but she needs to trust you if you say she's not.

Maybe everyone can learn a lesson from this and you can try and divert some of her more persistent behaviour in the future.

OurMiracle1106 · 24/04/2014 22:31

I had mine done on my 8th birthday. I cleaned and looked after them though mum had to buy a second bottle of solution but maybe I used a little bit more than i needed to never had any problems. As an adult I let them close up as I was working in the wrong environment to wear them. (horses) but two years ago for Easter my mum paid for them to be done again as I am away from that world now

OurMiracle1106 · 24/04/2014 22:32

And my mum paid either 6 or 8 quid for mine including the ear rings.

Coconutty · 24/04/2014 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DocDaneeka · 24/04/2014 22:36

Whoever said turn earrings to help them heal.

No

Wrong.

Don't disturb them at all, except to clean with salt water.

Ruushii · 24/04/2014 22:36

Why do people have to consider things like this? Are they really this thick?!

YWBU and cruel.

Fairylea · 24/04/2014 22:44

My dh used to work in a piercing studio.

You absolutely do not need to take a piercing out, ever if you don't want to. You do however need to clean it daily with salt water for at least 6 weeks, twice daily and then again if it looks at all red or sore after that.

6 weeks is the absolute minimum amount of time before you can attempt to change a stud but most people need longer than that. Dd had hers done at 11 and she hasn't been able to change the studs without redness for a whole 6 months.

Piercings should only be done with a needle in a proper studio. Guns can cause scar tissue and infection and are not as sterile as needles.

I hope the earrings you're swapping them to are either titanium or solid gold as anything else this early is likely to cause infection. Dd has had lots of girls at her school have nasty sore ears because they have put in studs from claires and so on which are just silver or metal.

softlysoftly · 24/04/2014 22:56

Let them heal up.

Learn from your error of judgement.

Original poster
olaflikeswarmhugs · 24/04/2014 23:01

For everyone who is asking where I got them done it was Claire's Accessories . Dh just had a look there while she's sleeping and I think they've closed up anyway .

OP posts:
Tinkerball · 24/04/2014 23:06

It doesnt cost £40 to get your ears pierced in Claires normally, what kind of earrings did you buy?!! And why are you ignoring all the posters who are querying why you gave in to a 9 year old who clearly wasn't mature enough to deal with this?

gamerchick · 24/04/2014 23:08

No it doesn't cost that much in Claires.. did you take her OP or did somebody else?

They won't have closed up yet.

MeYeahMe · 24/04/2014 23:23

DP had his ear pierced in Claire's last year (I went mad - horrible place, he should have gone to a proper piercing place, I'm so against the use of guns!) and only paid £10.

How did you pay £40?

wheresthelight · 24/04/2014 23:28

I had my second set done in Claire and paid £10 for surgical steel as I am allergic to gold but am sure gold studs were only about £15 so someone is talking bs!!!

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 24/04/2014 23:37

6 weeks is the minimum amount of time to leave in the new earrings. But I do remember my DDs bring really excited to put in new earrings...

However, now that they are out.
Stick with surgical steel for another few months.

Even a few years later, if DDs leave ears without earrings for several weeks they look closed up. But I found it much easier to put earrings in from back of ear, leave for a few mins and then put in correctly. Clean ears well first.

We still needed to do daily cleaning of ears for many more weeks. We just cleaned with the lotion provided by Claire's.

My DDs were similar age when their ears were pierced. I think it took at least 18 months before they could leave ears without earrings for any length of time.

Goldmandra · 24/04/2014 23:39

And why are you ignoring all the posters who are querying why you gave in to a 9 year old who clearly wasn't mature enough to deal with this?

Probably because she thinks that the child begging for them to be done was a good enough reason to disregard her own responsibilities as a parent. Her own wish to see her DD with pierced ears probably figured in the decision too or she would have just told the child they wouldn't be trying again when she couldn't go through with it the first time.

A nine year old doesn't want her ears pierced, she wants earrings which is different and it's because she thinks they will make her look pretty and grown up and fit in with her mates. The piercing actually happens if that's what the parents want too.

It should be illegal to mutilate the bodies of under 16s for cosmetic purposes with or without their consent.

Mofo2610 · 24/04/2014 23:54

Stuff like this makes me want to talk to the wall all day long!

YABCU!!! I cannot abide by parents that think taking their kids to Claire's accesories to have their ears pierced is ever a good idea. Clearly your child was not emotionally ready and not did she understand every detail of being pierced. But worse than that you did not think to find a clean, safe & experienced piercer to go to!!!

And I've never heard anything so stupid in all my life as to suggest taking £40 off your child because she doesn't like the holes you let her have put in her ears.

ICanSeeTheSun · 24/04/2014 23:57

How does a 9 year old have £40 in the first place.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 25/04/2014 00:01

Ridiculous. She wasn't ready to have them done. She also wasn't ready to take them out.

Toughen up - she'll beg for a lot more than earrings. Are you going to give in to everything?

Of course you can't charge a child - she's too young to realise the consequences of you giving in to her silly begging.

Pregnantberry · 25/04/2014 00:08

Take money off her if she costs you money through being naughty (i.e. breaking a window) but she was just scared and in pain, it sounds like she needs comforting not punishing.

But yes, don't let her go again until she is much older.