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AIBU?

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Original poster

about DDs diet

76 replies

mylovelyfamily · 24/04/2014 14:58

DD is sixteen.

She is slim but not skinny and weighs 8 stone. She is 5'3.

She only eats fruit and raw veg for breakfast and lunch and has done since the middle of year 9 (she read a magazine article about it.) She eats normally at dinner time.

She swims competitively and she trains at the gym as well.

Friends think I should be worried but she's not underweight at all - would you be worried?

OP posts:
AvoidingEasterDIY · 24/04/2014 22:29

I think she sounds determined to maintain a good weight & eat healthily (physically & mentally healthily) rather than 'eating disorder' ish about her eating. If she was mine I would be happy that she was eating healthy food for breakfast & lunch & yet still eating as she pleased in the evenings - so not being totally controlled by her 'diet' iyswim.

BIWI · 24/04/2014 22:36

She will be eating a lot of carbs and very little fat/protein until it comes to her evening meal. It's difficult to comment on what her overall diet is like without knowing what she's eating in the evening. But I'd be worried that she thinks that only eating fruit/veg is a healthy diet, because it really isn't. Fat and protein are essential, especially if she is sporty.

Flux700 · 24/04/2014 22:59

Forgetting her weight, which wouldn't worry me anyway, her diet isn't good, although she might think she is eating well.

Firstly her bloodsugar levels will be up and down with all that sweet fruit - banana, apple, pear, strawberries etc. long term this could be a real issue. She would be better off with veg then fruit.

Secondly she needs a palm sized amount if protein at every meal. So for example breakfast could be Greek yogurt with berries or poached egg and asparagus or bacon and tomatoes. Lunch could be a quinoa salad or homous with veg sticks or a chicken leg with grilled veg.

Being sporty, protein is particularly important for her muscles and hormones.

I agree carbohydrates are less essential. In reality everything is a carbohydrate - not just rice/potato/pasta

Flux700 · 24/04/2014 23:07

I would probably buy her done books about nutrition (not dieting).

Try sports nutrition by Amanda bean on amazon. Great reviews

dancersdad · 24/04/2014 23:14

From a weight point of view she sounds fine, from an eating habits point of view it's very rigid and it would worry me. DW was on a similar regime right before she developed full blown anorexia.

dancersdad · 24/04/2014 23:16

What does she do on holiday/in circumstances in which it's harder to come up with her 'normal' breakfast or lunch?

Trillions · 24/04/2014 23:22

What happens if she has to attend a daytime event or have a family meal out before 6 p.m.? Does she fall in with what everyone else is doing or freak out and demand her usual rabbit food?

Preferthedogtothekids · 25/04/2014 00:11

My DD(15) is 5ft7 and weights 7st5lbs. She is a competitive swimmer too and has a small appetite. I know she's underweight but I'm not worried as she looks healthy and lives life to the full. I would judge your daughter's health on things other than her weight.

bellybuttonfairy · 25/04/2014 00:39

Over eating is a huge issue. Too many people worry about people of a'healthy weight' not eating enough fat and protein when ehrm, protein and fat is infact eaten in too high quantities by most people.

What she is currently eating is unprocessed natural food. Her diet is more than maintaining her at a healthy weight - its also adequatively fuelling a huge amount of sport.

She. Is. More. Than. Fine.

jasminemai · 25/04/2014 07:02

I dont see how a young girl who isnt apparently eating many calories can be that weight at that height? I eat 2000 calories a day and its difficult to keep a weight this high at her height with an active lifestyle. She must be eating food somewhere when your not with her.

AvoidingEasterDIY · 25/04/2014 10:03

I agree with BIWI that her choice of food wouldn't be what I would choose for her, but at the same time, given what a lot of teens eat, I could live with it (whilst leaving a lot of info lying around the house re fruit being high in sugar and carbs and veg being better for you etc). Just because a girl wants to eat 'healthily' (whether I agree with what she calls 'healthy' is another issue) and maintain a good weight, doesn't mean she has an eating disorder or will get one. Her willingness to eat 'whatever' in the evenings shows she's not being totally controlling re food.

Jasmine - most of us would easily maintain 8st at 5'3" eating what the OP says her DD eats, I would gain weight eating like that, easily.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 25/04/2014 10:30

OP, 'sturdy' isn't an insult! I think the poster just meant she sounds healthy rather than frail.

Again - I would be concerned about 1) the rigidity (which would be equally concerning whether she was rigidly eating 5 snickers or 7 portions of fruit!) 2) the fact that you daren't speak to her about lest you make her worse 3) the frequent weighing. It's just not a great or very sustainable attitude to have around food, IMO.

Edenprime · 25/04/2014 14:48

I'm not concerned about the weight. I'm little worried about the restriction of when to eat and weighing herself a lot.. but I am not her parent and you know what's normal for her better than any one else. :)

Is she ok with her body image and does she discuss her weight a lot?

Dancingqueen17 · 25/04/2014 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mylovelyfamily · 25/04/2014 20:24

Well to be fair my motherly instincts don't tell me anything is amiss, although I don't know how many instincts I actually have to tell you the truth! It was the mother of one of her school friends who raised it.

OP posts:
dancersdad · 25/04/2014 20:29

My concern would not so much be if anything was amiss or not, it would be why she is doing it.

DW went practically overnight from eating normally to a normal meal at work during the day, and only fruit for breakfast and avocado on toast for dinner. No exceptions. That went on for months before it turned into a full blown eating disorder.

Original poster
mylovelyfamily · 25/04/2014 20:32

She's been doing this since she was twelve/thirteen. She does insist she's fat - clearly she isn't - but self perception is tricky I know.

OP posts:
dancersdad · 25/04/2014 22:35

The insisting she's fat on top of the rigid food regime would worry me. Especially when she's swimming competitively, I wouldn't have thought it's possible to be fat with that level of exercise on a diet of mostly fruit. My DD is younger but I certainly wouldn't let her follow a diet like that unless I fully understood why she wanted to do it myself. I spent yesterday evening and this morning in hospital with DW who's suffering chronic constipation and edema which is linked to anorexia recovery- this is her third recovery attempt in three years. You really don't want to risk escalation to that point because recovery is an absolute nightmare.

If it was my DD I would want to establish her reasoning to sticking to that regime before I assumed anything.

SoftSheen · 25/04/2014 22:58

She may be taking in sufficient calories but I would worry that she isn't getting sufficient protein, and she may be lacking in minerals such as calcium, iron and zinc.

IIRC the protein requirement for a 15 year old girl is about 45-50 g per day, the majority of which would have to come from her evening meal, since most fruit and vegetables are low in protein. To get 50 g protein she would need to eat the equivalent of around 200 g steak or 250 g fish, rather a large portion for most people.

Likewise it is difficult to see how she is getting sufficient dairy products to meet her calcium requirements (or non-dairy calcium-rich foods such as almonds etc).

SystemIDUnknown · 25/04/2014 23:04

I would be most concerned about the lack of protein. I'd see if you could find a good article about the importance of lean protein. There don't have to be drastic changes - introduce two boiled eggs or some natural yoghurt with breakfast and a tin of tuna or chicken breast with lunch.

That's pretty much how I eat - a boiled egg and natural yoghurt with fruit, salad and tuna/sardines/chicken for lunch and a cooked meal at night.

SystemIDUnknown · 25/04/2014 23:09

The insisting she's fat on top of the rigid food regime would worry me

I disagree. If weight is normal and there's nothing 'major' worrying you (dd being withdrawn/tired etc) then I would just focus on a couple of simple changes.

At this age I was also convinced I needed to lose weight. At 18, dh and I went on our first holiday together and I can remember being horribly self-concious in a bikini...all I could see was flab. When I look back at photos now, I had a stunning figure at that age (I can say that without being vain because I certainly don't any more!) There wasn't an inch of flab on me, I was a perfect size 10 and looked amazing. I would kill to have that body back now!

I've never had any sort of eating disorder...I just think self-perception being off is a trait of teenage girls tbh. Not overly concerning in itself.

RedSoloCup · 25/04/2014 23:15

I think her weight is fine and I think if it's not broken don't fix it, as in if you try to insist she eats more x, y, z, you may drive her into an eating disorder so just leave her to it.

I was 17 and decided to go veggie and fat free, my mum sighed but just left me to it and I soon gave it up as a bad job and ate pretty normally, if she'd tried to insist I ate things I would have just rebelled against her.

Sleepwhenidie · 26/04/2014 09:22

mylovelyfamily I guess you are feeling a bit confused by the mix of answers you've had on here. As with any forum like this, you've asked a question and got a load of different responses from a bunch of mostly unqualified people. The truth is, none of us can give you a definitive answer and your DD may be absolutely fine and there's nothing to worry about, but I would keep in mind

  • there is nothing wrong with her weight, but you shouldn't rely on this as the sole indicator.
  • the answers from the people with direct experience of eating disorders. The majority will tell you that the way your DD is controlling food is the way their issues began (pose a question on ED board to get more evidence of this if you want). I agree with the last two posters who say that teen girls have a distorted view of their body and go through phases of sometimes strange diets, but your DD sounds like she really may have some body dismorphia and the way she eats much more than a phase. Again, that's not to say
  • the answers regarding the quality and calorie content of her diet from people who actually know something about nutrition (hard to distinguish I know). Posters who think people generally get fat from eating too much protein and fat or who themselves exist on a low calorie diet are not the ones to listen to. If DD is genuinely only eating what you describe then it's really not a healthy diet for a very active teenage girl - in terms of calories she would need much more like 2000 (unlike the majority of us older, heavier and less active posters) and she will be missing out on important elements (protein, fat and other nutrients) purely by virtue of the lack of food consumed. This should be looked at separately from the ED question.
  • think about your DD's approach not just to diet but life in general, it is very typically the 'perfect', competitive, high achieving female teen that is the one who exerts control over her diet and appearance and ends up with ED. What is her school environment and friendship group like, being very honest with yourself, what is your and your family's general view of people who are overweight? Do you have a history of dieting, or being judgemental about your own body? Generally speaking, has importance been placed on attractiveness/slimness by you or DP or other family? Also was there any kind of stressful event around the time DD started controlling her diet, a bereavement, divorce, bullying at school for instance, these things can sometimes be a trigger for teens to start to use food as a means of control over their life, whether by restriction or emotional eating.
  • I haven't been back through the thread but iirc you said it was DD's friend's mum who brought this up with you? That, for me would suggest that it is DD's friend who has concerns and has discussed them with her mum...often our friends at that age know us much more intimately than our parents, if a friend is worried about DD then I would be too.

So overall, my answer is YABU not to worry at all about DD's diet but at the same time, don't panic and keep a very careful eye on her. She may, as you say, be eating more than she lets on - try and find out. Without directly tackling it immediately, think about ways you could get her to relax a bit more and eat more nutrient dense food at breakfast and lunch?

Sleepwhenidie · 26/04/2014 09:24

Sorry...meant to say 'that's not to say there's an issue but potentially there could be.'

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 26/04/2014 09:29

I do wonder why you bothered to ask, if your instincts are so hot!