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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To this this does not make this man sick or weird?

84 replies

Anonynony · 22/04/2014 19:58

An ex colleague was telling me today that one of my other ex colleagues (her current colleague) was telling the team that his sister was in labour. They're very close I know this from my years working with him, they're like best friends and he lives with her and her partner. Anyway apparently this male colleague (who was receiving texts from either herself or her partner) said she was x amount of centimeters dialated (sp?) and now the whole team are saying he's sick for talking about his sister that way and have written him off as a complete weirdo. My blood was boiling listening to this, this same female colleague also tried to insinuate something sinister when an older gay man in work was really interested in hearing about my pregnancy and new baby (just a really nice guy and still a very good friend)

Is it really that horrific for a brother to mention how many centimeters?? It's not as if he checked himself, I can't see the big deal but I'm really pissed off at female gossipy ex colleague. AIBU??

OP posts:

MelonadeAgain · 22/04/2014 20:30

I can't comment on your work colleagues, but I tend to be a bit wary of men who display a great interest in female things that are never likely to affect them or which don't affect them directly.

I find it weird and it makes me suspicious of them. Why someone would discuss this in such detail at work I don't know either.

I can't think of any for example sports masseur, physio or doctor who do deal with the workings of the female body who would be anything other than circumspect about this kind of things.

Its about respecting boundaries that the majority feel comfortable with.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/04/2014 20:31

yes how strange a close relative talking about the natural progress of child birth

I wonder what response he would have got if he said she was about to have a cesarean, that is not quite as embarrassing is it

YANBU you work with uptight strange people

FunnyFoot · 22/04/2014 20:37

I would much rather hear about somebodies labour than the constipation convo that was going on in my office today

Funny isn't it, something as wonderful as child birth and actual miracle event that has affected everyone in the world is seen as a gory subject but poo or lack of poo or the need to poo can be discussed at length in various settings. I have heard this discussed on buses in the work place at family gatherings (it is my 82 yo aunties favourite subject) but mention the word cervix and dilated and people are fainting like Victorians all over the shop.

BeyondTired · 22/04/2014 20:55

It never ceases to amaze me how prudish some people can be.

Its just biology.

BeyondTired · 22/04/2014 20:57

God forbid we mention what happens in childbed.
Its just so victorian

BuzzardBird · 22/04/2014 21:00

It's not probably even something he understands anyway, he is probably just repeating what his bil is telling him. Hope he holds back on the shitting the bed bit or the office will have an attack of the vapours anyone would think that its not a normal thing for a man to be excited too.

MelonadeAgain · 22/04/2014 21:01

Well, why draw the line there? Why not talk about the intimate experiences of anal sex, second hand if he has never experienced it himself? Or have a little revel in pelvic floor collapse or the effects of testicular cancer? They're all biology too. But I'm guessing he isn't showing quite the same relish for discussing them...

Thurlow · 22/04/2014 21:02

I don't think it is allowed for a relative to be excited about the imminent birth of a baby. Especially not a male relative. They're obviously either too cloyingly close to their relative, or a touch perverse...

TooOldForGlitter · 22/04/2014 21:03

Anal sex/pelvic floor problems and cancer aren't quite comparable to giving birth are they. Not sure what point you are trying to make there.

BeyondTired · 22/04/2014 21:08

If more people spoke about pelvic floor problems, i wouldnt feel so much like a freak. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Meloria · 22/04/2014 21:14

Saying 'it's just biology' is a pretty poor justification. Would it be 'just biology' if I popped my head up from my work and told everyone about the massive shit I did earlier and how long it was?

The man's not a weirdo for talking about childbirth, just a bit of an oversharer. After all, if the colleagues don't know his sister, what does it matter to them if she's 5cm or 50cm? It's extra information they don't need. In exactly the same way, when I said my son was a bit ill over the weekend I didn't mention that he vomited ten times and shit himself twice. Just biology but completely unnecessary.

FunnyFoot · 22/04/2014 21:17

Sorry Melon you lost me at anal sex.

Out of the ones you listed I would only talk about anal sex with DH or very very close friends anyone after lots of wine however child birth has affected everyone and I mean EVERYONE.
Anal sex is a choice.
Testicular cancer is very much published and many male colleagues grew a tash for Mowvember therefore it was discussed openly.

I actually wish I was allowed to discuss my prolapse in public. It would go some way to making me feel like a normal person and less like a women with a wellie boot top for a fanjo.

But hey that's just me. I am not prone to Victorian style fainting.

MrsCakesPremonition · 22/04/2014 21:18

I keep stumbling across threads on MN in which large numbers of people seem to think it is inappropriate to have any interaction with other people (relatives or not) at all.

HavantGuard · 22/04/2014 21:27

I managed to get to 30 without actually knowing what the cm dilated specifically referred to or how it was measured. I knew you had to hit 10 to start pushing but that was it. I'd imagine if you whispered in his ear exactly what it means he'd shut up fast. He just sounds like an excited relative to me.

Ploppy16 · 22/04/2014 21:33

god I feel sorry for men sometimes. Always someone wanting to find something they do offensive or wrong..

motherofmonster · 22/04/2014 21:35

Bit lost at the mention of Anal sex?
if someone dropped it in during conversation i wouldnt be disgusted. its two little words that describe something. same as 5cm is just a brief medical term.
They didnt go into details like oh, her water is a bit bloody or she is pushing so hard she shit the bed so where is the problem.
Same with Anal sex, someone says it not a problem it is not as if they are describing intimate details like first you have to rinse it out, clean the cling on's, spread the marge and your good to go lol

FunnyFoot · 22/04/2014 21:40

There is not an emoticon to describe my face right now mother so this is the best I got!

scarletforya · 22/04/2014 21:54

It's not a measurement of her vagina. It's a measurement of the cervix.

Gurnie · 22/04/2014 22:03

It depends on your workplace and colleagues. My colleagues would be excited and interested to hear about someone who was in labour. I guess in other workplaces people would find this a bit much. It certainly doesn't make someone a weirdo though.

FunnyFoot · 22/04/2014 22:03

Who said vagina?

Thurlow · 22/04/2014 22:07

MrsCakesPremonition I keep stumbling across threads on MN in which large numbers of people seem to think it is inappropriate to have any interaction with other people (relatives or not) at all

I think that's the most spot on description of some strange areas of MN I've seen in ages

Ilovexmastime · 22/04/2014 22:07

MrsCake, I was just thinking exactly the same as you.

OP, your ex- colleague sounds as though she is a bit immature and enjoys creating drama.

ThePriory · 22/04/2014 22:08

I really feel sorry for the guy... I think sometimes men just don't know what to say in these situations and he has obviously just repeated something he has heared in a medical environment, and now he is getting slated by his colleagues! U should back him up and tell them how awful they are being. Its a medical term fgs nothing weird at all.

Ilovexmastime · 22/04/2014 22:08

X-post with Thurlow!

ThePriory · 22/04/2014 22:10

If it's any relevence, a friend of mine posted how dilated his wife was on Facebook! He got flamed, but people eventually saw the funny side...

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