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AIBU?

To this this does not make this man sick or weird?

84 replies

Anonynony · 22/04/2014 19:58

An ex colleague was telling me today that one of my other ex colleagues (her current colleague) was telling the team that his sister was in labour. They're very close I know this from my years working with him, they're like best friends and he lives with her and her partner. Anyway apparently this male colleague (who was receiving texts from either herself or her partner) said she was x amount of centimeters dialated (sp?) and now the whole team are saying he's sick for talking about his sister that way and have written him off as a complete weirdo. My blood was boiling listening to this, this same female colleague also tried to insinuate something sinister when an older gay man in work was really interested in hearing about my pregnancy and new baby (just a really nice guy and still a very good friend)

Is it really that horrific for a brother to mention how many centimeters?? It's not as if he checked himself, I can't see the big deal but I'm really pissed off at female gossipy ex colleague. AIBU??

OP posts:

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kentishgirl · 23/04/2014 12:50

I don't think it's weird or sick. Just TMI for the workplace.

Ev1lEdna · 23/04/2014 10:56

Good Lord, some people are just looking for an excuse to take offence. There's nothing weird or unsavoury about making statement about being dilated.

Exactly this. I despair, we live in a world where we can talk about Jordan's boobs and all kinds of dodgy TV with impunity but mention dilation in the context of labour (which is only really an indicator of how close the borth is and certainly doesn't make me think about people's cervix in detail) and it's adjusting of cardies all round.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 23/04/2014 10:49

Buttercup - id be less discomforted by a female saying it...but equally disinterested (not a prude but just not big on discussions of "girl stuff")

BlueSkySunnyDay · 23/04/2014 10:47

I dont think it makes him weird, he is probably just excited - either they are one of those earthy share everything familes or he hasnt got a clue what it means and is just parroting what he has been told.

Personally I dont understand why as a man he is interested - i'm not as woman Having given birth to 2 children I am still completely unaware of how many cms you would need to be for it to be game on.

Maybe a bit inappropriate in the workplace but not like he is giving a graphic account of his last blow job is it?

needaholidaynow · 23/04/2014 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuzzardBird · 23/04/2014 10:28

I am more grossed out by the use of "icky" by grown ups than I am about the dilation thing.

randomAXEofkindness · 23/04/2014 10:26

Wow, so many prudes! I wouldn't think anything of it at all. Your critical colleague sounds like a twat, I'd stay well away.

Buttercup27 · 23/04/2014 10:22

Would it be different if it was a female sharing info about her sister?

RoseRadish · 23/04/2014 10:15

People are really different on this. I remember a male friend being shocked and horrified that a female friend showed her 12w scan pic around because "it's her insides!" - to make matters worse, insides not too far removed from rude bits - and it was way TMI for him.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if a man said his sister or any other woman was 5cm dilated, it's just information that tells you about how things are progressing. But from experience I've realised that some people would really clutch their pearls.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 23/04/2014 10:07

But the question is not, "do you think it's icky in the workplace?" (many agree) but do you think "he's sick for talking about his sister that way and have written him off as a complete weirdo?"

That's a complete and nasty over-reaction.

kentishgirl · 23/04/2014 09:48

Well I think it's icky, and I don't care if others don't. I'm sure there are things I'm happy to discuss that others would find icky. We should all respect other people's limits and boundaries and not criticise them just because their boundaries are different to ours. There's no law that says you have to be happy to hear these sorts of details. It's not a matter of being weird or feeling there is anything disgusting about labour; I just think it's a special and private thing for mum, dad, baby and their nearest and dearest.

SirNoel · 23/04/2014 09:35

It's just a progress report, nothing icky about it.

Some people just stomp around looking for chips to piss on I reckon

Preciousbane · 23/04/2014 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shewhowines · 23/04/2014 09:11

It says more about her than him...

JohnFarleysRuskin · 23/04/2014 09:11

It may be TMI for some workplaces, but c'mon, it doesn't make the bloke a complete weirdo.

ShadowFall · 23/04/2014 09:08

Poor man.

I don't think there's anything weird about him telling his colleagues this. It's hardly like he's in there measuring the dilation himself, or passing round photos as evidence, is it? He's just relaying information about how the labour's progressing. And there's much ickier aspects of birth that I've heard discussed in offices.

Anonynony · 23/04/2014 08:58

It's complete double standards, honestly some of the women have discussed their prolapse and the very one doing the gossiping and name calling was telling us at the beginning of the year that she had a pollop on her ovary and it didn't hurt but bleeds every time she has sex

I can't believe that x cm dilated is seen as any different to saying she's 37 weeks pregnant or anything. It's the most natural thing in the world! My male friends were full of questions about labour and breast feeding because I was the first in our group to have a baby, I don't think it's weird at all but quite nice that men these days are actually interested!

OP posts:

shewhowines · 23/04/2014 08:43

Is this 1950? How bloody ridiculous. God forbid a man should discuss or even know about, women's bodily functions.

Fair enough if no personal info is ever shared in the office, then and only then, it may be thought of as tmi, otherwise it's nothing. Double standards.

firesidechat · 23/04/2014 08:41

This thread explains a lot. It explains why I sometimes feel so out of kilter with the modern world at times. It explains why I sometimes imagine (or not imagine) that people are looking at me oddly.

You get the impression that any subject, however intimate, is up for discussion these days and now all of a sudden "5cm dilated" is gross and tmi. I wouldn't talk about my sex life to anyone, but it wouldn't even cross my mind that mentioning how many centimetres dilated a woman in childbirth was would cause offence.

It must be because he's a man, yes?

Catsize · 23/04/2014 08:38

I have never understood why people are so funny about discussing labour etc., placentas and the like. And why we feel it is something not to be discussed by or in front of men. They don't have to go through it, the least they could do is talk about it! The weird thing is the person who was texting about dilation in the first place, not the chap who shared the info.

kentishgirl · 23/04/2014 08:32

It's TMI for me, and I'm a mother, and not a prude.

It doesn't actually provide any information on how the labour is going - well, quick, slowly, who knows? It's one point of labour, that's all. Could all be over in half an hour or take another 24 hours ending up in an ECS.

I don't want to know the details of anyone's labour. Tell me when you've had the baby. For those who say that's prudish, where do you draw the line? 'The mucus plug has come away; she's x dilated; she's pushing now; the baby's head is crowning; the shoulders are being delivered; she's pushing out the placenta now; she's having stitches; ???? All just biological medical facts of a labour. And I don't want need to hear them.

If you love birth stories then watch one born every minute. If you want to talk about it with close family and friends, go ahead. I don't need it as a non-connected captive audience over my cup of tea at work.

TooWetToWoo · 23/04/2014 01:57

It may be slightly TMI for colleagues who haven't had kids or aren't really well versed in the whole ins and outs of childbirth but I don't agree that it's wrong because he's a man or her brother. Would they feel the same way if it was a female saying those things?

It's not as if he had a live video feed going on!

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BOFster · 23/04/2014 01:54

God, this reminds me of when I called my mum's workplace (a school) in labour, very over-excited. I told the Head, who answered, that I was "eight centimetres dilated!" , and to tell my mum.

Anyway, he went through to the staffroom and announced that I was in labour, and "EIGHT INCHES DILATED" . It is clearly a female mystery which is opaque to men of a certain age...

Custardo · 23/04/2014 01:13

it might not be a conversation for the workplace
it might be better to ask his sister whether he can tell other people the information
it might be tmi

but to insinuate the brother is weird - is shitty

TillyTellTale · 23/04/2014 01:10

I think my biggest issue is that I would be wondering, "would his sister mind?"

There's a difference between a woman talking about how her labour progressed or is progressing to her friends and family, and one of those friends or family members passing it all on to some complete strangers.

I would have asked, "is your sister okay with you telling us this?"

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