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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my sister told my baby to 'get lost'?

63 replies

MetalLaLa · 21/04/2014 10:40

Me, my DH and our nine month old DD live a good hour away from my side of the family, so we only visit around once a month with the occasional visit from them to our area. For Easter Sunday, my family invited us to lunch for the day, so we went and generally had a nice day, except for my sisters increasingly spiteful and odd behaviour to me and our DD. Our DD is going through a growth spurt and as such is having longer and more frequent naps in the day, and we decided to leave yesterday around 6.30 in order to get home at a reasonable time. My sister doesn't have any children of her own, and is always quite forceful with picking up my DD and then complaining at us if she starts to cry or doesn't want to play with her, which usually we just explain that it's what babies sometimes do etc. however, yesterday at one point she our DD started to REALLY go for it at one point when my sister was holding her as she was tired, my DH asked politely if she could hand her to him so he could go put her down, and she said 'no, she's MY baby, my baby' but she did relent when she saw that DD wouldn't stop crying until one of us had her (which did happen). My point is that just before we left, we were doing goodbyes and DD was getting goodbye kisses and quick cuddles from people, but when my sister held her, she started to cry, gave her back to me but then took her back, DD cried even harder and this led to my sister shouting, 'oh get lost then you weird little thing!'. I tried not to cry (as pathetic as that sounds) my parents, and my sisters DP just looked completely shocked at what she said with lots of 'you can't say that to a baby, that's horrible' but with no apology from my sister. Afterwards, I told my DH what had happened as he was putting things away in the car at the time and he told me he was glad he wasn't in the room at the time or things would have been said. Sorry for the long ramble, but was I right to feel (and still feel) upset at what my sister did and her possessive behaviour towards our DD? Should I say something to her to let her know she needs to apologise to us?

OP posts:

sykadelic · 22/04/2014 15:33

I don't condone what she said, it was mean and incredibly hurtful to you but I understand her frustration when all she wants to do is show the baby love and she just cries and "hates" her.

It could well be that she has no bond with your child at all. Understandable if the baby doesn't show her much love, it could just be any other baby to her.

She definitely needs to be told that what she said is not acceptable and she needs to apologise to you and your DH. You should tell her that you will not tolerate her insulting your child and that if the child were old enough to understand, it would be considered abuse/bullying. Ask her, gently, what she was thinking.

To be fair though, your DD didn't understand so it's not what she said to your DD, it's what you heard her say, how she speaks about your DD and how it makes you feel, naturally, protective of her. I do admit it would make me less trusting of her around my child until she proved herself.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/04/2014 15:40

As said above, she probably wanted to play favourite aunty who calmed baby down in an instant and got cheesed off when it didn't happen that way. Doesn't sound like she has much experience with children.

Buttercup27 · 22/04/2014 15:47

I really thought she was under 13 the way she acted. Sorry but what a spoilt little brat ! At least the rest of your family supported you ! Hopefully her partner would have had words after with her !

Chippednailvarnish · 22/04/2014 15:57

no, she's MY baby, my baby

She sounds unhinged. It would be a cold day in hell before she'd be allowed anywhere near my baby until she'd proved herself rational.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2014 16:14

OK so there's a huge backstory, plus "we do try so hard to make her feel at ease" - I really really think that you should stop trying. She's 28 (I had thought about 8 when reading the OP until I got to the part where she has a DP) and it's time she grew the fuck up. I'm not sure what to make of the whole 'parent's grip' thing, but regardless - she is 28. You've said it's not the first time she's done the 'my baby' thing (WTF?) and her behaviour towards your DD is NOT NORMAL. Seriously I wouldn't let her near me my DD.

lainiekazan · 22/04/2014 16:24

It's embarrassing all round when a baby starts crying the second someone holds it. I know pre-dcs that I used to be mortified and did indeed take it personally. Well, it is a bit personal as the baby is firmly stating that it doesn't want to be held by you. Babies have no filter! And then when I had dcs I had to do the false laugh and say, "Oh, he/she is just tired/grumpy," when yet again they bawled at the mere sight of mil.

Your dsis was silly to blurt out that the baby was weird etc, but if she has some issues, particularly with you, then this "rejection" by the baby seems like another top trump.

cees · 22/04/2014 16:39

snowqu33n, you get that this is a 28 year old woman here don't you? An adult not a stroppy teen. It doesn't matter a jot who had the baby, house or husband first you don't talk or treat a baby like that, it's not something I would pity in fact I'd probably have told her to grow up by now if this were me.

JonesRipley · 22/04/2014 18:26

Does the backstory include mental health problems, OP?

Rainbunny · 22/04/2014 18:53

She sounds immature, she's acting out at being "rejected" by your DD. She certainly doesn't sound like she's ready to have her own kids yet.

Original poster

MetalLaLa · 22/04/2014 20:32

MH issues have been a factor in the past but I won't name who it involves directly. Oddly enough, since Sunday my DM has been all nicey nicey with me on text messages and a phone call earlier but haven't had a word of apology thing is my family would go batshit if I was brutally honest with them but would brush it under the carpet to save face as they're of the sort who don't discuss feelings and don't believe in certain things. I've never tried rubbing my life decisions in anyone's faces, quite the opposite actually so I have no idea why my sister is like this. They see me as a 14 year old and it's so bloody suffocating.

OP posts:

Original poster

MetalLaLa · 22/04/2014 20:34

Sorry if anyone thinks I'm all woe is me, reading all these replies has helped massively in more ways than I thought so I'm very grateful.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2014 21:24

OP, I certainly do not think you are all woe is me; but your family are probably best if held at arm's length.

ChasedByBees · 22/04/2014 22:51

You don't have to pander to them OP. The way she acted wasn't normal and I would put off her visit until she apologised.

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