To wonder why some people bother with AIBU?

[Anonynony]

It really pisses me off when people cannot accept when they ABU.
Why even bother start a whole thread about about it and let people give their insights if you won't even stand back and look from their point of view?

A few of my AIBUs have been very eye opening and I've always taken everything on board, under different names I've had my DDs dad bringing her to Mcdonnalds every week, a guy that asked me on a date suggesting he buy the tickets and I buy the grub among a few others where I was most definitely being U and told in no uncertain terms!

So why do people bother writing here if they aren't willing to accept that they may be U? Is it just for a rant or hoping people will side with them and say how great they are?

I think they assume that everyone is going to agree with them. It must be a shock to them when they realise AIBU is not like that.

I remember McDonald'sgate

I think most people accept theoretically that by coming on to AIBU, they are going to get a variety of opinions - some of which will differ markededly from their own - but it is only human nature to hope that most people will agree with you! Hence the disappointment when they don't!

Also, people often start these threads in a rather emotional state -that's why they're posting, because they're upset - and are not in a rational enough state of mind to calmly accept critical comments in the way they are intended. What the poster often wants is sympathy rather than a debate which is what AIBU is about.

Because some people want some support, or ego-boosting, or justification, and don't realise AIBU isn't the best place for that!

Oh and YABU

It's the internet - tis a rare breed that admit they're wrong!

I've done it myself being 100% honest about it, and seen others do it. You argue the toss on one thread, go away and think about it, then end up either taking on board a couple of lessons, appreciating but not agreeing the other argument, or completely strengthening your resolve... It's just saving face.

Not so much on MN because of the name changing, but on other forums coming across posters who you've argued tooth and nail debated with using your arguments is always a delayed victory

It can just never happen in the thread you're in...

I love the way there are 129 saying you are wrong and the OP always selects the 2 agreeing to highlight to prove their point lol

I actually thought the majority were on your side over Grubgate, OP - you objected to being instructed to provide "the grub" on a first date, while he paid for the cinema tickets, if I remember rightly. I thought most people thought your objection quite understandable!

The date went ok and we went on two more after. The third one (last Sunday) resulting in the worst date I've ever had! So so bad!

It's just so frustrating to read through so many replies and the OP seems to be getting absolutely nothing from the thread, it especially bothers me when people share their own personal experiences and go into detail in order to help but it doesn't seem like that's what the OP was in the market for at all!

They did better but the general consensus was it is a bit iffy but sure go anyway. What a nutter he turned out to be!

If you do start one, you have to anticipate being told you are totally, utterly ridiculously unreasonable. If you can't hack that, then chat is a better place!

I've never started an AIBU thread, mainly because I know that people will say yes, IABU and I'd rather think that I am totally right

Well, I think it's really nice because I can give everyone the benefit of my advice about absolutely everything without having to look them in the eye, or support my opinion with convincing evidence.

coco I actually just wrote about it this morning over on the "worst date you've ever had" in the relationship section. It's really badly written sorry, I just copy and pasted what I had sent my friend in blind shock!

The thing is, there's an awful lot of herd mentality on AIBU. As I've posted elsewhere, it's quite interesting to watch the process. After the original post, there's an instant response from one or two who, for the sake of this discussion, attack the OP. Loads more people jump on the bandwaggon and tell the OP in several different ways how U she is being. OP occasionally plaintively says she why she didn't think she was. Then some brave soul pipes up and says "Actually, I think OP is quite correct" and explains why. A couple more pop up and say "Phew, I thought I was the only one, I too agree with OP". Then gradually more and more come out of the woodwork. A few people pop back to attack OP, and get roundly attacked themselves because the point they've repeated was comprehensively dissected and disproved on the preceding page that they haven't bothered to read. Gradually the original attackers retire in bafflement, and the thread ends up going in precisely the opposite direction.

I'm no sociologist, but I suspect there's a thesis in it somewhere.

Thanks coco

I must say actually, there have been times when my original snap judgement has been changed by reading some of the replies strangely enough!

What bugs me is "thank you for the helpful comments" when the OP means "those who agreed with me".

The thing is, there's an awful lot of herd mentality

oh yes, you can see that when one poster says a word I.e. disrespectful then the next 20 replies repeat it. I think to myself its like sesame street "today's word is ...." lol

Haha spider that's so true!!

Though I do remember one thread that stands out, the OP was asking something about going to a wedding for a weekend and happened to mention unrelated to the OP that her mother would be minding her 6 week old baby. The original question was NOTHING to do with this but people jumped on her and tore her to shreds! That pisses me off when people go on and on about something the OP wasn't even concerned about.

Nennypops - that is so true! There is a definite psychology to AIBU threads and the longer ones do follow the pattern you describe. The turning point always comes when the "brave soul" you mention appears and then things get a lot more interesting!

Agreed Anonynony, I've seen that loads of times. I remember one about somebody getting pulled to pieces for having a glass of wine whilst babysitting a neighbour's kids. The babysitter had been attacked by the dog and verbally abused by the neighbour but somehow she was the villain for having ONE glass of wine during the course of the evening!

Yes, people are very selective in what they object reply to! Someone seizes on something, a momentum builds up, and the thread becomes completely derailed. That's one of the reasons that AIBU is so compelling - you have no idea at the start how it's going to end up!

I remember your date thread with the hungry boy!