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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with OH for totally spoiling the surprise?

31 replies

Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 03:30

I have a voice of reason in my head telling me I'm being childish over this but I am so pissed at my OH right now - just need to know if I'm an over-hormonal woman who needs to chill or if I'm perfectly OK in wanting to swear violently at him.

SO. I have a big birthday coming up in a few months which I've not given any thought to regards gift wish-lists (OHs family always ask OH to find out what I'd like and as he doesn't know how to be stealth about it, he asks me outright. I'm used to the in-laws gift never being a surprise).

But what pished me the fug off was when we were sitting on the sofa, OH shows me a text on his phone and with a smirk says "Read this". I read it to see that its actually a text from my friend saying "Do you think Woobee would like this Pandora bracelet for her birthday?". Now, my OH runs his own business so my friend has taken the time to Google him to find his website and contact info so she can be stealth. And that fucking moron idiot has totally wrecked the surprise.

What pisses me off the most (but it can't really be compared as a like for like) is that when we found out I was pregnant [thru ICSI] OH wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise whereas I wanted to know. I found out the sex and didn't tell him at all even when I was giving birth, the head was crowning and he said "You may as well tell me now" I replied "No, you'll find out yourself in a moment". If I can keep my trap shut with a pretty amazing secret for 5months, am I being unreasonable in expecting him to be able to keep his mouth shut too?

OP posts:
Canthisonebeused · 20/04/2014 04:11

No idea if you are BU or not seeing as my birthday surprise comes from my dd after I give her a fiver to find something I might like in asda.

But I suspect you are being a bit UR

Roshbegosh · 20/04/2014 04:14

Some of us don't get the whole surprise thing. You have longer to look forward to the bracelet now after all. I think you and DH just see it differently, he is not a bad person because of this. I think, since you ask, you are over-reacting. Just explain simply to him never to do it again because you like to have a surprise on the day.

picnicbasketcase · 20/04/2014 04:18

Did he thinks you'd be amused at the gift idea? Does he thinks Pandora bracelets are naff or something? Or maybe he thought you'd be touched at the effort your friend made to keep the secret (but then negated it by revealing what she'd said). I don't know why he'd show you the message, it's quite confusing. Does he usually like ruining surprises for people?

georgie22 · 20/04/2014 04:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What is wrong with him? Why can't he keep a surprise? It seems a really weird thing to do when there was absolutely no need for you to ever see the text. I think you're perfectly justified in being mightily pissed off with him.

MistletoeBUTNOwine · 20/04/2014 04:25

I'd be Hmm at a pandora bracelet, but I'm probably in the minority.

Original poster
Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 04:35

I have no idea why he took it upon himself to show me the text - he even did it with a smirk on his face and when I asked "Why did you just show me that?!" he smirked again, shrugged his shoulders and gave a little laugh.

Oh I know I'm probably being (hormonal and) childish but it doesn't stop me being hurt by what he did.

My friend takes so much effort in finding the perfect gift - as I do for her, we've been mates 30yrs - it upset me that he thought so little of her efforts to be discrete. He even smirked when he saw my face after reading the text and when I asked why he showed me, shrugged his shoulders.

In every other way he's pretty damn perfect, I just can't understand why he'd do such a stupid thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 04:36

I have no idea why he took it upon himself to show me the text - he even did it with a smirk on his face and when I asked "Why did you just show me that?!" he smirked again, shrugged his shoulders and gave a little laugh.

Oh I know I'm probably being (hormonal and) childish but it doesn't stop me being hurt by what he did.

My friend takes so much effort in finding the perfect gift - as I do for her, we've been mates 30yrs - it upset me that he thought so little of her efforts to be discrete. He even smirked when he saw my face after reading the text and when I asked why he showed me, shrugged his shoulders.

In every other way he's pretty damn perfect, I just can't understand why he'd do such a stupid thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 04:36

Sorry for double post!

OP posts:
diddl · 20/04/2014 04:45

Maybe he wasn't sure if you would like it & was giving you the chance to say so so that he could tell her no?

Re the ILs-what's the problem with him asking you outright??

Or does he always know what you would like so no need to ask?

The birth thing-what a wierd convo!

Original poster
Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 05:12

We've been together 20yrs so I'd like to hope he knows me well enough by now to know my likes and dislikes. Enough to be able to say to his family gift ideas he's fairly certain he knows I'd like (just as I am able to do for him when my family ask me what he'd like for his b.day).

Yes, the birth conversation was a bit random but I was absolutely determined I wasn't going to spoil his surprise. Plus talking to him took my mind off the intense burning a little (!).

OP posts:
diddl · 20/04/2014 05:21

Well we've been together nearly 20yrs & still never know what to get each other!

And if we ask, neither of us ever knows what we want tbh.

Aventurine · 20/04/2014 05:32

Is your dp getting you a surprise? If not maybe he is trying to spoil your friend's surprise so it doesn't steal the thunder of his non surprise present?

Nerf · 20/04/2014 06:25

Ha mumsnet is so weird. Just read another mil thread where the op is being so unreasonable in my mind but am the only one to think so - here, I am so with you OP but again seem the lone voice!
I would be really irritated by that. I may have to text my friend and tell them and ask if they could go with a different idea.

coraltoes · 20/04/2014 06:44

I'm with you OP, LTB. Or just tweak his nipple in fury...

SaltyandSweet · 20/04/2014 06:54

YANBU, what a selfish thing to do. Have you not gotten a reason for his idiotic behaviour then?

FruVikingessOla · 20/04/2014 06:56

I agree with Rosh, maybe he just doesn't get the concept of surprises? Although after 20 years you'd have thought he might have realised that you do like surprises, Woo. It was unkind of him to ruin your friend's surprise.

Original poster
Woobeedoo · 20/04/2014 07:01

I may have to give him a Chinese burn! Grin

My annoyance has reduced to being Slightly Miffed. He will be told not to be a spoilsport in future and yes, think I'll have to text mate to let her know her gift idea has been blabbed.

Thanks all, appreciated.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 20/04/2014 07:34

Why would u text your friend? Now you are bu. How old are you all- beginning to sound vlike schoolysrd stuff...

Nerf · 20/04/2014 07:38

If it'd a big birthday and ops friend is aiming for a surprise why not text? I would. Sheesh, some if the stuff in here that could be childish!

supportworker · 20/04/2014 07:40

Yes don't text your friend, that would be mad, this is about you and your husband. I have friends that just Have to give the end of a movie away, they seem to be unable to help themselves but giving presents is as much about giving as receiving and I think your friend deserves to give you a well thought out gift without thinking it has been ruined.

Perhaps your husband wishes he was the type to provide thoughtful gifts?

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 20/04/2014 07:42

He did this so he would have to make no effort whatsoever, surely. Your answer saves him making a decision.

CrushingCandies · 20/04/2014 07:51

Yanbu and the smirking would annoy the hell out of me too.

WeLikeToParty · 20/04/2014 08:01

YANBU op. I think it was very mean of your dp to show you the text. I don't think you are being childish at all.

jerryfudd · 20/04/2014 08:03

The smirking before and after is clearly an indication he was deliberately trying to piss you off - only you can know why. Spiteful, a (oh so funny) "joker", bored (and fancied a fight) or just (as I suspect) a prat

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/04/2014 08:06

HWBU. Time to make it clear that what you want for your birthday is thoughtful surprises. Maybe with gift receipts. If you've been together 20 years he really ought to be capable of this.