We don't have a good relationship with my in-laws. I don't want to dripfeed so will explain the backstory. MIL is toxic, fil is lovely but guided by mil whispering venom into his ear, which has led to some rows between my dh and them, largely since dd1 was born and they decided they wanted to impose on us more without any thought for when it was convenient to us. They didn't speak to us at all for three months until i brokered a peace deal against my better judgement After that we deliberately tried to keep them at a reasonable distance and agreed to have them stay for the weekend every three months. I know to some of you that will sound awful, but given we only saw them once a year previously and that dh works away all week and only has the weekends when he is often still doing work stuff but at home to spend time with his kids, give me a break and see all the various people that want to visit, which includes my parents, his sister, his grandparents, my grandmother and our friends. So actually that was about as much as we could realistically offer or bear . We did face time etc as well so things were ok.
We kept this up for a year, until they suddenly declared when i was pregnant that they were house hunting in our town! We had been carefully managing expectations and kept our distance to avoid ww3, yet they somehow got the idea it was a good idea for them to move hundreds of miles to live on our doorstep! After much soul searching DH decided it was better to say something to nip this in the bud rather than pretend we were ok with it and let them waste money and leave everything and everyone they knew, including FILs disabled brother, only to be surprised that we weren't suddenly able to spend all our time with them. He had a difficult conversation explaining that we weren't comfortable with it and said that even if they lived next door we would only be able to see them once a month. They were understandably upset by this and DH was certain they would never speak to him again. But no, within a fortnight they had sold their house and offered on a house in Bedraggledville. He didn't say anything else, what more could he say really? So for the next few months we got biweekly emails about the trials and tribulations of their house move, until they finally moved in the week dd2 was born just what we needed!
Anyway, needless to say, they arrived fully expecting to see a lot of the dds us, and with the timing it was impossible to stick to once a month without being really rude. I am now just trying to make the best of a bad situation, although my blood boils when i think about heinous things MIL has said and done in the past or the fact that they have imposed themselves on us against our express wishes. However, my biggest concern, given i am on mat leave, was that they would start popping over uninvited, or generally making themselves at home. They haven't done the former, probably because they badger us for invitations so much and are getting what they want and seeing dd at least once a week. But today i looked up from my lunch to see MIL coming in the back door. We were expecting them this afternoon btw. I asked if DH was round the front and let them round, she said no, the gate was open Now the side gate is not visible from the drive or front door, they must have specifically gone to check if it was open BEFORE going to ring the front doorbell, which is much closer to their car. I assume they probably do this every time, as we started keeping it locked around the time they decided to move, so this is the first time it hasn't been locked since they have been here as DH was doing stuff in the garden. I am so furious. They know that i am breastfeeding and usually pump while eating my lunch, so they could easily have walked in on me with my boobs out. But that's not the point, i should not have to worry about people walking in on me in the comfort of my own home. If someone is already here, in the garden with us, fine, but if you are just arriving you ring the damn doorbell to announce your presence. i thought vampires needed to be invited in but apparently not this one!
ugh. Sorry. Rant over. Given the relationship is strained at best, and especially given they know i am pumping and bfing so may have my tits out and that we keep the gate locked therefore don't expect people to let themselves through it as a matter of course, AIBU unreasonable to expect them to use the front door?