To be fucking furious with my friend and feel I can't trust her as much anymore?

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

Last night my friend, let's call her Anna, and I went out for a few drinks. Anna and I have been friends for 7 years and we are very close. We were sitting at a table by ourselves having a really nice time, I was showing her photographs of my kids on my phone, and she was doing the same. After I'd shown her them I clicked out of them into my main menu and put my phone in my bag which was sitting under our table. I zipped my bag up after lifting some money out.

I then went up to the bar to get us some drinks and asked her to keep an eye on my bag, as we do plenty of times for each other when we go out and she said no problem. There were 2 people in front of me to be served so took around 5 or so minutes until I got our drinks.

When I returned to our table I noticed my phone was sitting on the table, lit up. I thought this was rather strange since I left it in my bag. I picked it up and swiped the screen, immediately my messages came up, and it was messages from a mutual friend of ours, Christine. These messages were very personal, Christine is having huge problems and the messages contained very detailed descriptions of these problems and how bad she is feeling etc. extremely personal stuff that she asked me not to repeat to any one.

I hadn't opened Christine's messaging history all night and that's when I realised that Anna had obviously been looking through them! I questioned her about looking through my messages, which she denied doing, and said that I left my phone on the table and not in my bag. I'm 100% adamant that I didn't, and even if I did the phone wouldn't still be lit up by the time I got back from the bar as it dims after 2 mins. She couldn't look me straight in the eye the whole time I asked her about this.

I am furious. How dare she unzip my bag and rummage through my messages. Now she knows confidential things about Christine that she asked me not to tell. I feel really bad for Christine, even though technically I didn't say anything. There were also private messages from my dh which she probably read as well, and lord knows what other messages she looked through.

I wouldn't fucking dream of liking through someone's phone' let alone unzipping their bag to get to it. I can't understand why Anna did this. I feel like I see a different side to her and can't trust her any more :(

As a note, I don't have a lock on my phone because I have a condition that makes me very forgetful, and remembering number patterns can be hard sometimes.

broken no, I hadn't received any messages from anyone. I definitely won't be doing that again.

"I have a condition that makes me very forgetful"

how do you know for sure then where you left the phone!

travelling I am definitely sure I left my phone in my bag. I always leave it in my bag and zip it up.

YANBU to be upset if you really didn't leave your phone on the table.

But I wouldn't worry about Christine

If you only spent five minutes at the bar, I doubt that's enough time for your friend to reach under the table, unzip your bag, rummage for your phone, swipe it, select messages, scroll through and read detailed texts from her.

If this happened to me I would assume I actually hadn't out my phone back in my bag. If you do things regularly sometimes you just assume you did it of that makes sense?
However, the fact that you think your friend would go in your bag and read your messages suggests that there is more to this, it wouldn't occur to me that my friend would do that.

worra thank you. I hope she didn't read too much. I really did put my phone into my bag, I definitely remember doing it.

Even if you had forgotten to put your phone in your bag, it wouldn't be lit up on the table.

For some reason Anna has had a nose through your messages. I would be livid. I think you need to tell Christine exactly what happened, and your dh, because they deserve to know not to trust Anna in such situations.

And I'd avoid Anna like the fucking plague. I wonder if she didn't use your forgetfulness to try to make you believe you'd left the phone out.

Why do you think she did it?

In future you can lock your phone if it's a iphone with a word pass code like this:

1. Go to Settings > General > Passcode Lock.
2. Turn off the setting that says “Simple Passcode.”
3. A screen will appear prompting you to change your passcode, along with a full QWERTY keyboard. The next time you unlock your phone, the keyboard will appear instead of just the number pad.

My phone is password protected after a couple of minutes.

I agree.. tell your friend what she did, she has a right to know somebody's snooped on private stuff. Then avoid this person from now on.

moon thank you. Yes it would be lit up and Christine's messages would be on the screen when I swiped it either. I don't know whether Anna was just being a nosey mare or whether she knew something was up with Christine and delved through my messages to see if I had any info.

Sorry I meant wouldnt

Thanks for the pass code tips everyone :)

She probably had it on the table because she just saw you coming and had no time to put it back.
I guess it depends on the type of person she is. Is she a nosy, gossipy type? Is this totally out of character of her? Does she even know christine for this to be of interest to her?

Was the bar within sight of where you were sitting? I ask because it's unlikely she'd brazenly go through your messages if she could be seen by you at any time. If it's not within sight, she wouldn't have known how long you're going to have to wait at the bar and wouldn't have chanced it.
If she has snooped though, it's a horrible invasion of privacy.

I don't think anyone would do that tbh.

You know what probably happened? She went to text her other half about what she planned to do to him later, was looking over at you at the bar to see how long you'd be, sent her text to you in error, realised, panicked, grabbed it out of your bag to delete it, saw you ate coming back and threw it onto the table.

I can't imagine a normal person just snooping through your texts.

I'd be more annoyed if she's not being honest about reading them.

I've snooped on two guys phones, they were both wronguns that were lyeing. Not that its acceptable, but sometimes people do bring out the crazy in you.

Does she have form for invasions of privacy?

I have an issue with a friend now due to lack of trust and respect. My friend lets me use her netflix, its set up on my PS3, I dont need her password for it, and its never come up that I need it.

Someone messed with her account, upgrading it so she is charged more (you have to do it on PC), she asked me if I did it, I said no (I didnt do it, Im not like that). So she asks her brother, who does have the password, if it was him, he denied it.

4 weeks later, she tells another friend, shes convinced it was me, I wasnt even home when she said it happened. Now I know this woman's pin for her debit card, passwords for some of her accounts. I have never abused this knowledge and I would never. Her brother has form for taking the piss.

Point is, I've known this woman 12 years and I have never done anything like that. So how well do you really know people, you dont truly do you.