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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to complain to school

69 replies

isthisthingon · 18/04/2014 21:07

DCS are back tuesday so I am wondering how best to approsch this.

DS is in reception and he was talking to his teacher when she told hkm to take a drink of water as he had bad breath!

He has obviously been a bit upset by this as he keeps asking if his breath is smelly and standing away from us.

WIBU to complain? I think its a really rude thing to say to somebody, even if they are only 5 [sad?

OP posts:

insancerre · 19/04/2014 07:21

you really can't rely on a small child to remember a conversation word for word
his version will be different to the teachers version
thats not to say he is lying but a 5 year old cannot be relied on to remember what happened
she probably said you need to have a drink as your breath is a bit smelly
which is exactly the right thing to day - it is caring and educational which is what you want on a reception teacher
I don't think there is any reason to complain

Goblinchild · 19/04/2014 07:27

Go and ask the teacher what happened, and then complain if the situation still warrants it. But find out first.

maddy68 · 19/04/2014 09:48

I actually think the teacher handled it well. She probably made a joke out of it. Oooh yuk! Bad breath go and have a drink of water ..... Cue a message to the whole class, you need to stay hydrated. I think you are over anxious, and so is your child.
Really don't go and see the teacher. You will come across as terribly precious. And perhaps explains why your child is so sensitive!
A teacher acts as loco parentus in school, I would say something similar to my own children therefore I think it was appropriate

Feminine · 19/04/2014 09:54

No, I don't think she should have said it as you explained.

Just as easy to say "lets get a drink of water" NO need to explain why.

Was it his teacher or a TA?

In my child's reception class, the TA is not tactful at all. The teacher is.

this is what comes from just wanting school hour work, but not really caring about children

Sorry, my own personal rant.

No, I'd say something. kindness is imperative...especially with little ones.

spanieleyes · 19/04/2014 09:59

There is nothing kind about leaving a young child with bad breath all day for other children to comment on/joke about. A far better kindness is to do something about it.

2blackcats2 · 19/04/2014 10:01

I teach in a secondary school and I have taught a number of children with body odour, bad breath, greasy hair and scabby looking skin: I have never and I mean never, felt the need to point it out to them. I have referred a couple to their heads of year who have dealt with the problem sensitively and above all privately.

I don't think it is remotely over sensitive to be upset at being told 'yuck' and having a face pulled at you because of bad breath. Lots of children get a bit whiffy when they have a bit of a cold, don't they?

I would think a child who said 'yuck, your breath smells' to me was extremely rude and therefore I would reprimand them as such. Is it really so hard to model the behaviour we want from children? It would upset me, ergo, it upsets them, so don't do it!

Feminine · 19/04/2014 10:02

Yes, spaniel I get that.

Just say " go and get a drink" don't need to mention the breath bit.

something about staying hydrated instead.

cosikitty · 19/04/2014 10:02

I make no wonder your DS is upset about what the teacher said. Children learn from their parents how to react to things and if think he should be upset about this, then you are an easily upset person and are making him the same way.

I tell my dd this all the time, she never drinks enough, doubt she would bat an eyelid if her teacher siad the same.

2blackcats2 · 19/04/2014 10:02

spaniel the OP said it was done in front of the other children.

Feminine · 19/04/2014 10:04

exactly 2black just as easy to whisper gently in his ear about getting a drink.

The teacher sounds very dramatic and childish.

cosikitty · 19/04/2014 10:04

That said, it would be different if he was 14, but we don't speak to 14 year olds as we do to 4 year olds.

2blackcats2 · 19/04/2014 10:06

No, I would hope we are gentler and kinder.

Feminine · 19/04/2014 10:10

cosi I'd hope tact would be imperative with teens also though.

they can be even more sensitive at that age.

TheScience · 19/04/2014 10:18

I'm surprised a 5 year old is so upset about it. Teachers (and parents) have to guide early years children about personal hygiene and bodily functions in a way teachers of older children don't - wiping noses, lots of wind/tummy ache = do you need a poo? Dehydrated bad breath = get a drink.

I wouldn't imagine most 4/5 year olds would take it as an insult!

BlackDaisies · 19/04/2014 10:19

I'm surprised too by the replies on this thread. A comment to a child having smelly breath or smelling, said in an insulting way (and let's face it screwing your nose up and saying get a drink, your breath smells is not kind) can devastating for that child. An adult would probably find that upsetting, let alone a small child, who would most likely simply hear a personal insult. A teacher should have this understanding about how a child perceives things. There are far kinder ways to teach a child about personal hygiene. I wouldn't complain, but I would go in and say your son is very anxious about his breath and you'd like to talk about how to manage that. See what she says and take from there.

cosikitty · 19/04/2014 10:19

That's what I meant, I would be more tactful with a hormonal sensitive teen, but 4 year olds just need straightforward instructions and explanations and I wouldn't expect them to be so self conscious, this is learnt behaviour.

2blackcats2 · 19/04/2014 10:24

Yes, exactly Daisies - I can't imagine anyone objecting to a 'do you want a grab a drink of water sweetie, then finish what you were saying to me? Sometimes when we've not had enough to drink our mouths can get dry and our breath can be a bit smelly! Good boy ... What were you saying?" There is a massive difference in the hypothetical scenario above and "yuck" and a pulled face. That's pretty nasty and I'm not surprised the boy was upset.

JimmyCorkhill · 19/04/2014 10:50

However the teacher said it, your son was upset. She has either intentionally or unintentionally offended him. I would have a little word with her saying he was upset/crying and is becoming paranoid about his breath. If I was the teacher I would be mortified that I had upset him and do my best to rectify the situation (apologise and explain what I actually meant).

33 years ago my teacher was sat surrounded by my peers in their Christmas party outfits. Once I had finished changing I went to sit with them and she snapped at me to "wash that muck off my face" . The 'muck' was a sticky line around my eye where my eye patch (to correct a weak eye) usually went. I was allowed to remove it for the party. I was crushed. I can still remember it today. Why she couldn't have said "you look lovely, why don't you try to wash your eye before we have the party?" Same result, no offense.

JimmyCorkhill · 19/04/2014 10:52

I don't agree that self consciousness is a learnt behaviour. My parents couldn't be more robust yet I am pretty sensitive.

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