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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being annoyed at DP being in the pub

32 replies

MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 18:20

AIBU to be sat at home annoyed that DP has gone to the pub. He has been out all day on a bike ride and stopped at the pub on way home for a pint and is now staying for the duration with a friend. I know he won't be back til late now as it's always the same. I asked the other day, and again earlier, for him to try get back for 6pm (did a 40 mile route so unsure how long it would take) so I can go do my exercise class. He doesn't see the problem as I have been twice this week and can just go in the morning instead, as it's an outdoor bootcamp so always same sort of thing. I see his point but jealous I am now home tonight and he is at the pub when I wanted to do my exercise session. AIBU to be sat here annoyed at him?!?

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 18/04/2014 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery · 18/04/2014 18:22

YANBU if he had agreed to be back in time for your class.

Morgause · 18/04/2014 18:22

If you have children text him and ask what child care he has arranged.

YANBU

Lilaclily · 18/04/2014 18:23

That's crap of him :(

RedandChecker · 18/04/2014 18:25

YANBU I don't like it when I ring DP asking him what time he's going to be home and he informs me he's popped to the pub for a drink in the sunshine whilst I am at home, it's all jealousy on my part but also I don't ever get the opportunity to pop into the pub for a drink, when I leave work or whatever I have to go pick DS straight up whereas DP knows I'm always there for DS and he's never got that responsibility of having to pick him up or anything. Annoying.

Lilaclily · 18/04/2014 18:25

I would go to the gym tomorrow , then out for a very long lunch with a friend & leave him with the kids
Also next Friday plan a night out

LindyHemming · 18/04/2014 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 18:26

Well it wasn't definite as wasn't sure how long the bike ride would take as he went with a work colleague he's doing an 80 mile charity ride with later in the year, but if he hadn't have stopped at the pub he'd have been back in plenty of time for me to go. I can just go tomorrow morning but was hoping to get there tonight as I prefer the Friday session to the Saturday morning but they are essentially the same.

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 18/04/2014 18:30

I'm on the fence on this one. You've already done two classes this week and have the option of doing one tomorrow morning. You haven't really lost out on doing a class, so I can see why he might have thought it was not that big a deal. But from your post "it's always the same" I get the impression he does this often, which isn't great.

Lilaclily · 18/04/2014 18:34

We need more info
How many nights out does he get & how many do you ?
I go out once a fortnight, so does dh
Works for us

kinkyfuckery · 18/04/2014 18:35

So neither of you really knew the others' plans? If he didn't know you were wanting to go out, I actually don't think he's been that unreasonable.
When he called to tell you he was at the pub, did you tell him you'd wanted to go out?

Thattimeofyearagain · 18/04/2014 18:37

Ok, so how often does his popping in for a pint become staying for the duration ?

MelonadeAgain · 18/04/2014 18:39

YANBU. Not at all. I feel your pain. If he's been out cycling all day then you deserve to get out now. I like cycling just as much as DH, but one day he did the same as your DP. It also happened to be my birthday. When he eventually rolled in at 11pm, he couldn't understand my incandescent rage.

However karma took effect and I am sorry to say he had a serious cycling accident a few days later. He hasn't felt like cycling since.

PurplePidjin · 18/04/2014 18:41

YANBU to be pissed off.

Alongside the grown-up talking it through calmly in the morning, I would be highly tempted to go to the exercise class then go swimming then bugger off out for the rest of the day to the pub while he just gets on with things. "Oh, maybe you can go for a bike ride tomorrow, dear"

Easter Angry
Original poster
MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 18:46

Well he knew how much I wanted to go as I meet my friends on a Friday, but go on my own every other day it's on. He said he'd probably be finished the ride by 6pm so I could go, but went to the pub around 4:30 I think. He called me at 5:15 to say he's staying out. I said that I was looking forward to my class, but he doesn't see the big deal and "lets not fall out about this" "he's met a friend in there so having a drink together".

He goes to the pub once a week, some weeks twice. Most weeks he's out until late, until midnight up until 1:30am-ish from going out in afternoon.

I do my sessions in the morning twice a week as DS at preschool and I like to be around at bedtime, then I tend to do a Friday night. I don't really go out drinking with friends very often, maybe once every 2-3'months, but DP and I go out together every 3 weeks or so, but he still has a night in pub in addition to our night out together that week.

This sounds slightly unreasonable I think on my part now I'm writing it down, thanks for the perspective!

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 18/04/2014 18:49

I don't think it sounds U at all! Why is him catching up with his friends at the pub more important than you catching up with your friends at class?

Original poster
MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 18:53

I'm a SAHM to a 4 year old and have seen same friends this week, albeit with the kids.. He works hard to make sure I can stay home with DS and does a lot of overtime to ensure we are comfortable every month. He doesn't normally stop me going out, but he does like a drink!

OP posts:
InspirationFailed · 18/04/2014 18:58

I think YABU (sorry Blush)

You've been to your class twice this week already, seen friends during the week, and he only goes out once a week and presumably is at work during the week.

I would be jealous too though, it's a lovely evening. Any chance of you getting a babysitter so you could go out together or something?

Original poster
MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 19:03

I know, I was just annoyed when he phoned to say he's in the pub, errrmm and slightly jealous Blush

Thanks for listening though, I'm feeling more rational now I've been quizzed about it and I've thought about it. He does have his fair share of time out though, and I don't normally nag him, much!

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 18/04/2014 19:05

No, I'm still in the NBU camp. He specifically said he'd be home so that you could go. Then retracted that at short notice for a spurious (imo) reason.

Fair enough if you had no plans, or he'd arranged earlier to be back later. It's the build-your-hopes-up then last minute let down that would have me hopping.

Pimpf · 18/04/2014 19:10

Yanbu, you had a plan, he has changed it. I'd be furious with him

SpringBreaker · 18/04/2014 19:12

Pubs are child friendly now. My local has families in it til 8pm. Go and join him.

Original poster
MyNameIsntTash · 18/04/2014 19:20

I wanted to but DS is tired and grumpy and needs an early night really so decided against it.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 19:20

I can totally see why you're a bit jealous. I can.

It's not necessarily reasonable but it's still understandable.

coppertop · 18/04/2014 19:36

If you add up the number of hours that you've had to yourselves this week, is it equal?

I don't see how two exercise classes could possibly last the same length of time as a day-long bike ride and an evening pub visit.

YANBU