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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

406 replies

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:15

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

OP posts:
Petitgrain · 18/04/2014 14:24

Fifi, that's true but if he was paying a grand a week she would be well off enough to buy her own home, as he has done. There is a disparity there in standards of living, which seems unfair on the child, although it is of course the way of the world in many many cases. What makes it worse is when the second wife is obviously begrudging of the first wife's upturn in fortune.

MollyHooper · 18/04/2014 14:26

No no gordy!

It all goes straight from peoples pay cheques to Sammy the alcho or Pauline and her 7 kids.

They really should start making claimants send out thank you notes at the end of each month.

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2014 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 18/04/2014 14:26

molly

Grin
fidelineish · 18/04/2014 14:27

Better make that de facto first wife and de facto second wife Petit; the OP seems touchy on that point although presumably not as touchy as she will be if in future her DH's next partner is online muckraking through her private financial info

LadyEmma1 · 18/04/2014 14:27

Happygirl I agree with all you have posted. Some posters are very defensive but it is not U to note that people who don't need benefits should not claim them, especially if they have to contort their circumstances to do so, and then there would be more for those that do. tailoring how you live to maximise your benefits is no more morally laudable than is tailoring how you are paid or where you live to avoid tax. Both are legal but not admirable.

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 14:28

molly you are incredibly naive if you think benefit fraud is low. But that's just my opinion as how the hell would anyone know for sure anyway??? Only those caught will show on stats.

I take nothing in the form of benefits right now and haven't for years. My daughter is grown up now. I have in the past had child benefit, and for a short time wftc, all things I was entitled to at the time.

And really I don't give a flying fuck whether it's a lot of money going to cheats or a little...

Ruushii not backtracking on anything, if less money was needed for benefits due to a reduction of fraudulent claims who knows what would happen, I can't speak on behalf of the UK government.. And in actual fact I wouldn't overly care as long as people who shouldn't be receiving it weren't.. As I also said, couldn't give a shit whether it was £1, £1 million, £1 billion.. It's the principle.

And I really don't care whether I've kept your interest or not. If you're so disinterested stop responding to my reasonable points with drivel and nit picking. Thanks Grin

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 14:29

thanks ladyemma - not sure what's so controversial about that but hey ho, it's a funny old world..

monicalewinski · 18/04/2014 14:29

Question: me & my husband are thinking of buying own house in near future (have been in rental since married due to having to move regularly for our jobs). We have 2 kids and are happily 'together' (as is the situation in op).

Would it be reasonable for him to move in with friends rent free and for me to 'become single' so that I can claim benefits - which will enable us to save up quicker for a deposit?

'Splitting up' for appearances sake to gain financially is morally wrong imo, if the intention is there to live together again at some point.

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 14:30

guffaw @ "not U" LadyEmma. Is this a pre-war house party?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 18/04/2014 14:30

HappyGirl are you in any way related to HappyMummyofOne?

ilovesooty · 18/04/2014 14:31

Perhaps all these taxpayers who resent paying for those whose circumstances they disapprove of would like to decide who to fund.

I think as a taxpayer I'd like to stop funding the health care of the self righteous frothers and the education of their children.

GarlicAprilShowers · 18/04/2014 14:31

FYI, Happygirl.

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)
Petitgrain · 18/04/2014 14:32

fidelineish Grin

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 14:32

Awww don't blow her (fiendishly cunning) cover Candy!

ilovesooty · 18/04/2014 14:34

Oh, I see Happy has already had her child's upbringing partially funded by other people's taxes.

stardusty5 · 18/04/2014 14:34

Well if some people really do think that you can't have a non resident, financially independent relationship, then i don't agree.

I do however think that the situation described in the OP is not right and i am surprised that more people don't agree.

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 14:34

Yes monica that's what you should definitely do.. Safe in the knowledge that you'll have the support of many lovely mumsnetters Grin

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2014 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyHooper · 18/04/2014 14:35

I'm naive?

You're just making stuff up. :o

herethereandeverywhere · 18/04/2014 14:35

I'm with Monica. This is not what the benefits system is there for. At a time when those in real need are paying the bedroom tax and taking food handouts from foodbanks using tax payers money to accelerate your property purchase is NOT ON.

Although - isn't this just the OP's ex and partner doing their own version of 'right to buy'? All just tax payer's money to assist a purchase innit? Wink

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 14:35

Eh really petit? Dh should be fully covering the cost of 2 households? I don't think that's how it works. Dh pays te rigt amount for dsd, always has done. The reason we own our own home is because dh and I worked an saved like mad to be able to afford it, it was the combination of both our salaries that enabled us to do this. (Oh, and I don't think I've mentioned yet that I'm currently a sahm anyway Grin so I don't even pay any tax to get up in arms about ]

Dh and dsd mum never owned a house together so it wasn't something they lost from splitting up. I wouldn't say our lifestyles are massively different other than the fact we have a mortgage.

And for the last time, I am not jealous, I am not bitter, I just don't think deliberately putting yourself back in the situation where you need to claim benefits is the right way to go about saving money. As I've already mentioned, it just so happens this is about dsd mother, Id feel the same whoever it was.

OP posts:
HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 14:35

ilovesooty if you want to comment on my posts please read them all thanks Grin