to not go with a loft company because of this?

[bodgerthebadger]

We are getting a loft conversion done. I own the house we live in and very much driving the project as well as financing it.

Contacted a well known company for a quote. Throughout I'm referred to as Ms B as that is what I introduce myself as. When the consultant turns up for our first face to face meeting he meets my partner. Mid way through our meeting, the doorbell rings and my partner gets up to answer the door. Consultant asks me how to spell my partner's name is. I thought he was making chit chat but he then whips out a client form and writes down my partner's name. I was a bit especially as I've been their only point of contact until then and I was also driving the meeting from our side. After our meeting, correspondence was then addressed to Mr and Mrs Partnersurname.

I contact another well known loft company to arrange a meeting so they can measure up to provide a quote. The surveyor I spoke to was very nice but insisted that we find a date that when my husband could attend. I said that would be tricky as he can't take days off work and we didn't want to wait a few weeks for a weekend appointment. In any case, I asked why he needed to be there. The surveyor replied something along the lines that the decision maker would be the husband so he should be there. I replied that my partner trusts my judgment enough that we can have the meeting without him if he can't make it. Also since I'm project managing, I'm the person that they really need to discuss things with. He replied: "Really? Oh. That surprises me." I asked why. He didn't have an answer.

AIBU to not proceed with these two firms simply on this basis? Otherwise, these firms do good work so should I ignore the misogynistic attitude and hope that it's confined to just the two particular individuals I met with and spoke to?

No, I wouldn't go with either of them then. I would just find a good local building company, it doesn't have to be a specialist loft company. I had a loft conversion done recently by a local builder and experienced none of this carry on. They dealt mainly with me, got my name correct (I don't use DH's surname) and just got on with the job.

I suspect the sort of company which "expects your husband to be present" is the sort of company that will overcharge you for something that can be done much cheaper. Like nationwide specialist double glazing companies.

I think latent sexism is probably quite a good indicator of future incompetence. Imagine if something did go wrong and trying to sort it out!

Don't give them your business, and ideally (if you can be bothered) tell them why. This sort of thing really pisses me off!

in fact i would want to (but would never actually get round to it) write them a letter explaining WHY they haven't got your business.

YANBU
The conservatory builder who treated me like an idiot didn't get the job.

The one who did talked to me and DH as equals, list earned to what we wanted and totally understood it was me who would be about while the work was done.

Agreed. Find a company that's not visited from the '50s.

What a shower of idiots. Give them a swerve and use a company that respects its customers.

I agree with other posters, not only should you not give them your business but you should write to the business owners and explain why.

Your choice, obviously, but I've not hired a particular firm for similar reasons in the past. I wrote to them afterwards and told them that their antediluvian attitudes had lost them lucrative business.

I think that kind of misogyny is alarmingly widespread when it comes to buying property or altering the fabric of a property.

I once helped a female friend to buy a house on a trip to a distant part of the country, as it was too difficult for her husband to come too while juggling their two small children. They had a buyer for their house already, needed to move quickly for work reasons, and needed to buy rapidly, and her husband was happy to trust her judgement and 'see' the various houses on Skype as we viewed them. But several of the estate agents found this absolutely incredible. We realised that a couple of them had actually concluded we were a lesbian couple, because surely there was no other rationale for a woman making a major financial decision on her own...

What tricycle said! This type of thing makes me fume

Our regular builder has worked out who wears the trousers (and asks all the difficult / tricky questions)(and makes the final decisions on matters of design) in our house

This kind of assumption on their part really gets my goat. We're getting quotes in for a loft conversion, can you name these companies so I can avoid or goad the sexist salesmen?

I don't think the first one did anything particularly wrong and tbh, whilst the second was a bit off, I don't think it was anything too serious.

The double glazing quote people (2 different companies) would not give my OH quotes unless I was there too, so it works both ways.

We have just had a loft conversion done, work was fantastic I was treated very respectfully by the proprietor and the tradesman. My dh was funding and heading the project, but I was made to feel involved. A few times I said to ask dh was I wasent sure of certain things.

I wouldn't use them, and I would write to them and tell them why.

I'm getting a lot of work done on my house at the moment, and not once have any of the contractors even asked whether I have a partner.

Thats really crap customer service as well as sexist rubbish.

Of course it makes sense to discuss things with both partners, as a loft conversion costs loads, and it's sensible to make sure that both customers want and expect the same thing in the house they both live in. Its usually safe to assume to a certain extent hat these things have been discussed by both people beforehand. It is however, totally ridiculous to assume the man is in charge.

My DH is a builder, and is doing the loft conversion at the moment for a really nice couple. The wife made the first contact, DH met with her and went through everything, the quote was addressed to her and she paid the deposit. DH met the husband just before the start and went through everything in fine detail again with both of them. Turns out husband wasn't sure about he bathroom arrangement his wife had picked, so there was compromise and adjustments made before the job started. Pretty basic customer service and everyone's happy.

There is no way I'd give my business to a firm who treated me like a second class citizen, and there is no way my DH would behave that way.

I am a female builder and I am having a lot of work done on my house, so speaking as someone who sees this from both sides, YANBU.

I would not employ someone who was openly patronising towards me. It's poor communication, apart from anything else. These people are going to work on your house, and you're project managing - you need to know they'll tell you what's going on and refer to you for decision making.

Don't feel bad about not using them - they're letting themselves down! That's why you get a few quotes and meet a few companies - to choose the right one for you.

Not all tradesmen are like this. There are lots of good, professional ones. You just need to speak to a few more companies. Best of luck!

We went with loftplan, same set up as yours, they knew my DH was not involved, downside was they all started to call me "mate" !

Yanbu they don't want your business.

The last builder we had wouldn't take instructions from my husband, he would insist on speaking to me. :o

YANBU - definitely give them a miss. They are obviously hoping to give you a ridiculous quote and then offer to reduce it on the evening as long as you sign up. They don't want you saying "I'll discuss it with my partner and get back to you", as that would reduce the viability of their hard sell.

No, avoid both.

I might be thinking of someone else but are you somewhere in the Cheshire / N Wales area? If so I can recommend the company who did our loft conversion on our previous house (PM me if you like, or ignore if I've got the wrong person!)

Don't go with them and tell them why - that they simply did not demonstrate that they could communicate effectively and therefore deliver a satisfactory service. You gave your name: they changed it to fit in with their social prejudices. You told them how the project would be managed and who the contact would be: they firstly questioned it for no good reason, and then compounded their unprofessional approach by not being able to give you a reason for it. Neither of the companies responded effectively to the directions and cues provided by the potential customer. Sub-standard...and so one would assume their work would be, too.

Do write to their head offices and tell them why you are turning away their business, perhaps then they'll get their staff some up to date training!
My DH has always turned it around on any workman/contractor who tries that by saying "I'm very sorry but I don't know the first thing about this stuff, you'll have to speak to my wife" leaves the silly buggers looking more than a little bewildered. Little do they know its actually true, the man can barely put a shelf up.

YANBU. We had problems with our new build house a few years ago and after a few calls, the head of Construction called me to arrange a time to inspect. He flat out asked for a time when my husband was going to be home as "men understand these things better". Given I was actually the particular builders legal advisor at the time ( which he knew!) and the head of legal is a woman, he faced a few choice words from the board and some "diversity training".