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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

was my sister B.U to be offended by this ginger comment???

43 replies

gingee · 16/04/2014 23:15

Ok don't want to drip feed but will try to be brief. My sister is 20 and is a jr manager in a shop. She's staying with us at the moment and has just come in from a long shift a bit flustered. Apparently a man came in to her work today and she served him, he is sort of a regular customer, he called her 'ginge' and then asked if she was a natural ginger (she is), he then said 'but are you a Real natural ginger then?' and sort of nodded suggestively, leaned over the counter and nodded at her crotch region.

She laughed awkwardly and took a step back, he said 'let me see your eyebrows you can normally tell from the eyebrows, oh they're sort of ginger, go on then are you a natural?' whilst leaning over and looking rather pointedly at crotchal area! she said 'well they're Brown but-' he cut her off and said 'oh you're one of a kind then' smirked and left.

She feels totally stupid for taking offense as she didn't reply with some sort if cutting remark or even told him he was out of line, as it was a customer and she was taken aback and there were other people to serve.

Now her colleague heard the general gist of the exchange and said 'ugh creepy'.

The guy comes back an hour or so later not happy with his product. He starts on the colleague about how he wants a refund, colleague tells him to come back next day as she can't issue cash refund right then etc. But if he comes in in morning, area manager will sort it. Sister comes in, tries to deal professionally with guy even though she dislikes him. He leaves unsatisfied but no ginger comments are made or anything like that. Long story short colleague rang manager to inform them of this guy wanting a refund and says '(sis name) tell manager what he said about you!' so sis recounts story and manager says he will be telling this guy not to make comments like that and he won't accept it etc.

Sis genuinely thinks the comments whilst in bad taste and totally uncomfortable for her are what he construes as flirty banter. He's twice her age easily she's in no way interested and has before actually told me about him saying things to her about how he 'pounded' a girl then dumped her because she was ugly but he 'ruined' her (vile) first, and how he made a room full of women 'dripping wet' when he walked in, none of these seem at all appropriate to be telling a woman who's serving you in a shop who doesn't even know your first name but hey ho. Sis thinks he's just an odd guy, but she's now in her words shitting it in case her boss tells him off tomorrow and she then has to serve him again. She thinks she's coming across as a humourless tell tale. She's thinking of ringing her boss and forbidding him to bring it up with the guy.

Basically he's a fuckwit and you all need to tell her not to worry as she's done nothing wrong!!

OP posts:
gingee · 16/04/2014 23:16

Oh Lord that's very long I'm sorry!

OP posts:
nancy75 · 16/04/2014 23:18

Her boss should tell him not to come back in the shop again. I was shop manager for a long time, if a customer had said any of that stuff to my staff they would have been told exactly where to go.

Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 23:19

Gingee you go into great depth about the exchange etc body language....expressions of the customer ....

Is it you they this happened to....come on you can tell us Smile

IHaveAFifthSense · 16/04/2014 23:20

Your sister was in NO WAY BU! He sounds vile. Comments like that should have him banned from the shop IMO.

gingee · 16/04/2014 23:20

No I'm not 20, I've got her here telling me it, she was a bit upset actually so have carefully extracted it in order to create a detailed post.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 23:21

I think I'd put the closed sign up if I saw him approaching again.

gingee · 16/04/2014 23:22

only she says good idea but they don't have one, maybe she'll make one herself!

OP posts:
nancy75 · 16/04/2014 23:22

A shop is private property, the manager can ban anyone they want without having to give a reason, in this case they have more than enough reason to tell the creep never to come back

jacks365 · 16/04/2014 23:22

As the mother of 2 ginger daughters just leave me in a room with him for five minutes and I promise he will apologise to your sister.

randomAXEofkindness · 16/04/2014 23:24

Urrgh what a creepy fucking bastard. She was definitely not being unreasonable!

KoalaFace · 16/04/2014 23:24

He sounds utterly vile and your DSIS should let her manager do his job and protect her and the rest his staff from sexual harassment.

Hopefully he'll feel unwelcome and stop going in to the shop.

Only1scoop · 16/04/2014 23:25

It makes my skin just crawl....what a vile creature he is.

henrysmate · 16/04/2014 23:46

This isn't so much gingerism as plain old fashioned sexism. There's nothing silly about refusing to put up with behaviour that society feels so strongly about that it made a law against it. Tell your sister to be proud of herself for standing up to a pig, she had every right to.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 16/04/2014 23:49

What a vile dirty prick he sounds. If I was the manager id not only ban him from the shop but be speaking to the police about his continual sexual harassment

MrsCakesPremonition · 16/04/2014 23:51

He is using her hair collar to speculate about her sexually and draw her into a conversation which made her uncomfortable. If she was blonde or brunette he would have made similar comments, her hair colour is not the issue.

I'm glad the manager wants to protect their staff. Sexually harrassment in the workplace is not acceptable, no matter whether you are working in customer service or not. I hope he is banned.

dunsborough · 16/04/2014 23:55

This is awful and your sister should NOT have to put up with it.

It's not banter and it is NOT ok.

Disgusting and repulsive is what it is.

AveryJessup · 16/04/2014 23:57

Ew. This guy is a revolting creep. Her manager needs to ban him from the shop. And your sister needs to practice her best death-stare. She has to stare him dead in the eyes, while he is prattling on, with a look of contempt on her face as if he is some kind of decomposing rat that has been dug out of a sewer and just keep on staring him down while saying nothing until he slinks off. And he will eventually slink off leaving a trail of slime in his wake because these creeps always do when they realize they can't embarrass you. They're cowards.

And ask her why she is worried what this guy thinks of her? Who cares if he thinks she is uptight or a tell-tale? He's hardly someone worth impressing. I know she is young but she needs to put more value on her own feelings of comfort with a situation and less value on worrying about offending others.

Casmama · 17/04/2014 00:02

Your sister would be unreasonable to try and prevent her manager from saying something. It makes me feel very sad that her concern is looking humourless and she thinks she has to put up with this!

She is implicitly condoning this behaviour and perhaps encouraging him to speak to other people this way too. You need to help her find some outrage OP - this is utterly repulsive behaviour and for her to be concerned about the opinion of such a vile pig says something about her sense of self-worth.
A trip over to the feminist boards might be helpful.

Casmama · 17/04/2014 00:07

Sorry just reread that and it sounds critical of your sister which was the last thing I intended. It must have been a horrible situation for her and I'm sorry it happened.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2014 00:12

Your sister should absolutely not have to put up with this horrible man. He was totally out of order and deserves to be banned from the shop. It's nothing other than sexual harassment.

Littleturkish · 17/04/2014 01:27

I bet she sells phones.

This guy sounds disgusting, I have served many customers like him, what a creep.

ChickenMe · 17/04/2014 01:55

Vile. The manager should ban him, warn him not to speak to you again and if he ever does repeat this behaviour report him to the police.

feathermucker · 17/04/2014 02:57

Disgusting! What an utterly vile specimen Sad

Tell her to not worry at all, bless her. That idiot needs to be told that his behaviour is completely unacceptable!

confuddledDOTcom · 17/04/2014 03:53

I agree that it's not about her hair colour, he's a sexist pig and it's just what he's using to talk about. This wouldn't be allowed in any other work place and shouldn't be allowed in a shop either.

Do you have security in your shop? I'd be asking them to keep a close eye out for him if you do. Either way, your manager is brilliant supporting you, too many would tell you not to upset the customers.

Shockers · 17/04/2014 04:19

Humourless telltale? Sad

He doesn't deserve her humour, or anyone else's. She has done womenkind a service by not accepting his behaviour and she should be proud of herself for reporting him.

Gingeesis... Don't you DARE back down!! Smile