So sad ds won't have a sibling

[Moonfacesmother]

I feel sad about this all the time. He's 4 and will be an only. He's currently outside on his trampoline alone. Next door's children (two of them who are very close) are outside bouncing together on their trampoline. I can see ds looking forlornly at them.

I know logically he doesn't have a bad life, we've been out all day at the zoo and he sees plenty of his friends but he'd love to have a sibling. I feel like I've ruined his life. I know this is silly as I am an only child but I'm very different to ds, I like being on my own. Ds craves company and other children.

He actually started school in September, he's a young reception child.
He has had a birthday party practically every weekend and we've had some play dates too.
I guess I'm feeling it more because it's the holidays and he wants to be doing something all the time. I feel like it's because he hasn't got a sibling to play with.

I don't think adoption is for us. If we hadnt got ds we probably would have adopted but I think it's likely an adopted child would require all our time and attention. It might be something we would consider in a couple of years maybe but I think it's something you really have to want to do, not something you feel pushed into because there are no other options.
We've also tried ivf by the way.

“I feel bitter and sad all the time that we only have one.”

Having spent the last few weeks navigating the general trauma and emotional fallout of a recently failed IVF cycle I would count your lucky stars you have one healthy DS!

I do. I know it would be so much harder if we didn't have ds.

But I can't lie and say my desire for a second one is any less than my desire to have the first one was.
I don't talk about how I feel irl because I know people will think 'why's she moaning, she's got a child.' And on the odd occasion I have said anything that is the general reaction.

"I think it's likely an adopted child would require all our time and attention"- unless you are adopting a child with SN, why any more than a newborn would?

"It has to be something you really want to do"- you have just said in very clear terms that you really want to give your DS a sibling/be a two child family. It won't matter a jot to him, from a companionship perspective, whether the sibling is his blood relation or not. Is what you really mean that you could not see an adopted child as a true sibling to your biological one? You are perfectly entitled to think/feel this, but it seems at odds with your concern for DS'happiness.

I don't know - at the moment it doesn't feel right for us.
It's likely we would be unable to adopt a very young child and unless adopting a baby the adopted child often does have additional issues. I think if we didn't have ds I would feel we had the time and resource to deal with these. I have a couple of friends with gorgeous adopted children - both have only adopted one and both state that they could not cope with more than one child with the additional issues their children have. They were both adopted before the age of two but both have problems with attachment. One of them has to be with her mother all of the time, she even sleeps in her bed with her even though she is nearly 6. She won't be left with anyone else and they have had to home school. She is a beautiful funny bright adored little girl but if I ask myself honestly could I cope with her plus an older child of my own the answer is no, I don't think I could.

My DS is an only too and like you I have been sad for years that he will always be an only. DS is nearly 10 now and I would say that it does get easier to come to terms with as they get older and their needs change. I think it gets easier for them too.

DS has always said he's so sad that he doesn't have a little brother or sister and all his friends have one. He used to walk around and talk to babies in supermarkets, then look at me and say "look mum I would be a great big brother". He had the whole pulling on your heart strings down to a T!

As he has got older though I have thought several times "we wouldn't have been able to do that with a little one", like all of the after school activities that he goes to, the hours we spend looking at war hammer, etc!

I do make sure that he has a good relationship with his cousins and he has a friend round nearly every week, as well as doing after school/sports activities 6 days a week, so he has no lack of time with other children.

The past 2 weeks I have been looking after my 4yr old DN and my Dad told me yesterday that DS had said to him "I don't think I want at little sister any more Grampy, they are so loud and want to touch all your stuff! And I'm so over Peppa Pig!!!"

I agree that you would be unlikely to be able to adopt a newborn baby without issues when you have a natural child already. At least that is how it seemed when we were in the position. We decided against IVF because we felt it was very expensive and stressful and something we didn't need to put ourselves through when we were lucky enough to have one child already. We could already do the family things. So I can really see someone who is undergoing IVF for their first child thinking it is silly then to worry about having a second child but I can also see that having an only child is a concern because it was for me-it just wasn't enough of an issue to undergo IVF or adopt. I did have to keep telling myself how lucky I was.

I'd try ivf again were it not for the fact that after our first cycle we were told we are so infertile that the chances of ivf with icsi working are very very very low.

We would need and egg and sometimes donor.
We are both infertile it seems.

Egg and sperm donor that should read.