To think I might not have my final IVF treatment

[Pipbin]

We've been trying for about three years. I have blocked tubes so conceiving naturally is unlikely. We are very lucky where we live and get three goes at IVF on the NHS. We have had two goes at IVF which have been unsuccessful. The third round can start as soon as I like.

To start with I was desperate for a baby. I was in tears at every period and pregnancy announcement. However I have started to question if it's what I really want.
For most people they decide to start trying and conceive before they have had a chance to think about it as much as I have. Would anyone have children if they had long enough to think it through?
Yesterday DH asked me if it's what we really want. We are both happy at the moment with both our jobs and lifestyle. His words 'everyone tells me having children is wonderful but no one seems to be having much fun.' Our closest friends don't have children by choice, in fact most of our friends are child free.

I'm not asking you ladies to make this decision for me, just some thoughts.

I didn't really think I wanted to have one(until I had one). When the test came up positive I can't describe you the sheer panic that took over! Is it hard work? Absolutely? Do you want to bang your head against the wall sometimes? Yep, often.

But it is fun. The little things they come up with, watching them being in awe at things you don't notice anymore (like picking flowers), your awe at watching them grow up and becoming their own person. The lovely cuddles, nothing prepares you for how much your heart will skip/melt when they put their little arms around you, put their hand in yours and tell you "I love you" or " you are the best mummy". Having my children made me a different person, a better person. Less selfish, more mature and generally more appreciative of everything. I can't imagine life without them. Sure I would be thinner, more polished, richer but I don't really want that anymore (except perhaps being thin :-) ).

I agree with other posters that you sound quite scared the next cycle will fail. It might, but it might also work.

Whatever you decide, good luck. The main thing is that YOU are happy with that decision.

I feel a similar way. We have been ttc for 3.5 years and just about to embark on 2nd round of icsi. Having had so much time to dwell on it I have had many doubts. As others have said I'm doing this 2nd and last round (we only got one funded cycle in our area and always said we'd have one further cycle) partly so that I can't look back in years to come and regret not giving it a go.
I also didn't find the process difficult, but just wish it had just happened and not had all this time to think about it all!

I would give yourself a bit of a break and a decent holiday together if possible and then fwiw I would go for attempt 3.

I had ICSI in my mid/late 30s and despite stats got very successful at it working ... Downside was that I miscarried a lot.

Took a break and decide enough was enough, after some deep soul searching we decided to adopt and despite the long drawn out process am so very luck to be a very happy Mummy to a 6 year old. Yes there are times when I would like a lie in and I am sure there will be challenging times ahead but I absolutely do not regret anything even the failed ICSIattempts because without any of that I would not have my beautiful boy and in a short time he has bought immeasurable happiness to our lives and I was really happy with my life before. He is my biggest gift and I feel complete - I cannot believe just how much I love him. I think you regret the things you didn't do . Without him we would be richer but only financially - A lot of people on knowing we adopted say that he is lucky but they are only a little bit right because I feel lucky every day to have the chance to be his Mummy and its damn wonderful.

Good luck to you and what will be.

One child would be a great number for you. After the initial baby period, you would be able to still do lots of things. One child is easy doesn't take over everything in the same way having four kids does. One child is very flexible and you will still have a good degree of balance in your life.

Pre kids it was impossible to imagine the depth if feeling I had as a parent. It's like my degree of loving was suddenly timed by a million. Very very special. My life had more depth and it really did make me a nicer person. Having a child bought so much pleasure/ joy but also slight pain (sleepless nights, bugs) . For sure though, the pleasure outweighs the pain many times over.

I love this thread. Previous ones about what it feels like to be a parent have been overwhelmingly negative,and I have not been able to relate to the negativity at all. This thread,in contrast, is overwhelmingly positive. So full of love.

It's true OP, you might think you know love, you feel love. And I'msure you do. But your love atm is conditional love. Nothing will prepare you for the unconditional love you will feel for your own child. Nothing.

Plus, I genuinely think there is a lot of fun to be had! No one makes me laugh quite like my two!

Hi, just wanted to add that when people ask me if I'm enjoying motherhood (ds 14 months) my response is often 'everyone tells you about the hard work but no one tells you how much fun it is'. How you can giggle with them when tickling, or simple things like pushing the trolley really fast and then laughing with them and cringing at yourself. I laugh all the time now. It's a different type of fun but it's great fun.

I hope you come to the decision that's right for you and are happy with it.

Bealola says it all. We had 8 years of ICSI, cycles in double figures (all funded privately), miscarriages, all sorts of painful and expensive NK treatment (LIT anyone?). I've been on the floor sobbing after failed cycles but always picked myself up and started again. The result is my wonderful DS. He is our world, has completed us, and no matter how hard the sleepless nights are, we couldn't imagine live without him.

You are very lucky having funded cycles so in your place I would go for it.

Took us 7 years of fertility treatment.We had pretty much everything in the infertility textbook.

My twins were frozen embryos and the result of our last round and the last of 36 eggs,the very last of 3 embryos which made it through defrosting.All 3 were pretty ropey.

You'd be mad not to have this last go,could you ever have closure if you didn't?Due to your age it would be better now than later.Are you having embryos frozen?This will maximise your chances.Blocked tubes is one of the easiest problems to overcome with IVF.

I had a natural miracle 15 months after my twins.It was tough but all 3 are worth every second of pain and heartache ttc and the stress of 3 babies in such a short period.

We couldn't start the adoption process before our final round.It needed to be done before we got closure and satisfied our local agency.I'd decided it was the last and was ready.Lots of soul searching.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

With our first IVF, I don't think we did sit down and really think about whether we wanted children. We did it because we were told time was running out and we should. With hindsight, we weren't ready and it wouldn't have been right for us at that time.

Between that and our final (successful) round of IVF, we did a huge amount of thinking - did we really want children. I think asking that question was really helpful.

Before our last treatment round, I said I didn't want to do IVF any more. It took me a while to figure out it was about control and drawing a line. Like you, I knew it would be our final round. The idea of having children or not having children coming down to a pregnancy test one morning was terrifying. By saying 'no' I was at least making the decision for myself. DH however really wanted to go ahead, which forced me to think about why I was saying no.

You should get free fertility counselling as part of your treatment. It may well be worth taking this up.

There is nothing to say you can't change your mind I presume. As long as you still fit age guidelines. To answer your question, it is a hard slog and I wish I had thought it through. more. I was 19 and thought, oh it can't be that hard. Well it's a lifelong commitment. I love my.son but wish I had waited and really thought about how it would affect me.

HELP! Does anyone have some Menopur I can buy off them today/ tomorrow? I am in Canterbury I can drive anywhere in England with cash if we can agree a price. I am undergoing fertility treatment from a clinic in Spain. They sent me a prescription which Asda got for me but today the clinic has emailed asking me to increase the dose even though I have explained you can't just pop to the chemist & buy it off the shelf especially when it's a bank holiday week-end!! Pretty desperate as have spent a fortune & will miss my window if I do not increase dosage. Please inbox me if you can help a woman take her last shot at getting pregnant xx

HELP! Does anyone have some Menopur I can buy off them today/ tomorrow? I am in Canterbury I can drive anywhere in England with cash if we can agree a price. I am undergoing fertility treatment from a clinic in Spain. They sent me a prescription which Asda got for me but today the clinic has emailed asking me to increase the dose even though I have explained you can't just pop to the chemist & buy it off the shelf especially when it's a bank holiday week-end!! Pretty desperate as have spent a fortune & will miss my window if I do not increase dosage. Please contact me if you can help a woman take her last shot at getting pregnant xx

Barcelona123 try and get to see your gp and see if they are willing to prescribe you more.