to not let DS go to MILs tomorrow?

[Fairy1303]

Lots of background here so will be long, sorry.

DS is 10 months and MIL looks after him on Thursdays whilst I go to work.

DH and I separated in Dec because of his significant anger issues.

The whole family is the same. MIL is nuts (she was the one who used to steal swimsuits if you remember!) but does love DS and is generally fine with him.

SIL (absolute Fucking nut job) is currently visiting for easter. Every single time she visits, she is abusive. She shouts, she screams, she calls everyone a cunt in front of the children. She is completely unhinged.

I told MIL a while ago that I would rather DS wasn't there with SIL as I don't want him around all that horribleness.

She spoke to me, said SIL is much better, she's desperate to meet DS properly (she lives other end of the country) etc etc.

She has been down for two days, and today she spent the whole day screaming, smacked MIL round the face!! And has made my DSD (currently staying there) cry because of how hideous it is.

MIL says she is going home. She often does this though and they don't actually make her go, and she stays until the next incident a few days later.

I said to MIL that if SIL was there tomorrow I don't want DS there and can she let me know so I can get alternative childcare. I was very nice about it but said I just don't want DS around people like that, after all, that's why I left DH!

MIL thinks I'm being 'frightfully difficult' and 'stopping her having her grandchild' and 'contributing to an already difficult situation'

AIBU?

I would organise alternative childcare anyway.
YANBU

Just stick to what you said, not unreasonable at all.

SIL is 40 btw - not a child!

YANBU. At all. Stick to your guns. And goodness knows you've had plenty of experience of handling lunacy. How are things going Fairy?

It matters not what she thinks. You are so NBU.
Would make the same decision as you every time but I think you have a good idea you are right.
Vile SIL.

Certainly YANBU. And I would look elsewhere for child are too.

MIL thinks I'm being 'frightfully difficult' and 'stopping her having her grandchild' and 'contributing to an already difficult situation'

So what if you are? It sounds like a nightmare and no place for a child. Yes, your dc not bring there may make things more difficult for her that's not your concern. Your child is.

I'd organise other childcare...professional childcare.

I was only thinking of you the other day. How are you doing? (apart from this nightmare). Have you been able to maintain contact with dsd?

Oh my word the swimsuit stealer! I remember her well . I wouldn't let your DS go.

You wouldn't send a child to a childminder or nursery where there was a threat of violence and the children were placed in fear and danger. It's no different because it's your MIL.

Not a chance in hell. Stick to your guns!

Thanks to all those who have asked how I am.
I'm actually doing really, really well. Settled into life and I feel like me again - this drama reminds me what I used to deal with on a daily basis!!

DSD is ok but feels very displaced - I am seeing once every two weeks or so but it's very slow as she I think blames me for the split and feels very let down, she keeps asking why I can't just move back in with daddy...

Excellent point about nurserys/childminder and threat of violence. I'm going to stick to my guns. I just don't trust MIL to understand when to remove DS from the situation.

I would not let my child go into that house with the volatile situation brewing away.

Don't be swayed by your soon to be ex MiL and her attempts to persuade you to go her way.

Oh Fairy, I've missed a whole chunk, I was wondering why DSD was staying there. I'm sorry you've split up.

Re DS though, no way would I be letting him go there tomorrow if SIL's still there.

I would arrange alternative childcare.

You would be neglectful if you sent DS to a violent home. If MIL can't see that, then there's something very wrong with her judgement. Is there any way of you verifying that SIL has actually gone?

Mil seems to have had 2 kids with anger issues! SIL slaped her face and she is fine with it??? Presumably your DS has already had an angry father around the place and now he has to put up with SIL"S tantrums? They all sound unhinged! Get him out NOW.

All her kids have anger issues. She's pretty angry herself but not as bad.

Absolutely no way should you let your DS go there. Glad to hear you're doing well.

Make other arrangements for tomorrow.

Longer term, you can't use MIL as your childcare, you just can't, she's not mentally stable, it's unfair on your DS to put him in that situation, esp as he gets older and is more aware.

I agree about finding alternative childcare. That whole family seem very unstable fairy (to put it mildly). I'm glad you are away from the worst of it now.

"MIL thinks I'm being 'frightfully difficult' and 'stopping her having her grandchild' and 'contributing to an already difficult situation'"
Err - no. You're doing no such thing. What's stopping her having her grandchild is her own daughter. She has a choice, either her face-slapping daughter or her grandchild. If she choose the daughter, the grandchild can't be there. The only person stopping anything is MIL, by not providing a safe environment for children.