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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to decline an invite to this wedding

48 replies

ballseditup · 08/04/2014 17:51

My uncle is getting married in june and I got a save the date last year.

got my invite just after xmas and obviously didn't read it properly But I've just looked at it again to send my (late!) RSVP and it's evening only! I've rung my dm and dd and DSis and they all have full day invites and are Shock at me only getting an evening only invite.

So don't dripfeedmy uncle and I don't really talk much but were very close when younger (he is much younger than my ddad)My DSis sees him more but not much. And I'm not sure my uncles fiancé likes me much.

Tbh I don't care much about going now but it seemed odd to me and just makes me feel a bit of an outsider.

I will feel very strange I think just turning up for the evening with my family being there all day. AIBU to decline. I know my grandparents will be upset

Before any1 asks I did get the request for cash with the inviteto!

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 08/04/2014 17:53

If you want to go, go. If you don't decline. It's really that simple!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 08/04/2014 18:01

So out of your entire family are you the only one to get an evening invitation?

WooWooOwl · 08/04/2014 18:02

If it's local I'd go, just for the sake of a get together with other family. I wouldn't give cash though, especially not for an evening invite.

tobybox · 08/04/2014 18:03

I'd just ask uncle straight out why your invite says evening-only, but that might be a tad confrontational for some Grin

gamerchick · 08/04/2014 18:04

Weeeel it's a night out but I wouldn't be giving no money.

Or just say you're not going if you don't want to.

Tommy · 08/04/2014 18:05

agree with woowooowl - is a worth a family argument? Go along but don't give any cash

PicaK · 08/04/2014 18:05

You got an invite JUST AFTER Xmas and now it's April and you're thinking about replying????!!!!

If that's indicative of your general attitude to your uncle no wonder you only got an evening invitation.

When is the wedding? Next week??

specialsubject · 08/04/2014 18:06

it is still a party invite, not clear why people get so offended at not being invited to the whole thing.

go if you want, otherwise decline. If you go, send a gift, because you do that when you are invited to a party.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/04/2014 18:06

Cheeky about requesting cash for an evening invite! I personally would not go, bug I am a stubbon one me!

gamerchick · 08/04/2014 18:07

Well considering it's a hoof in the guts I think a late reply might speak the thoughts. Obviously he hasn't chased it up so might not be bothered.

picnicbasketcase · 08/04/2014 18:08

Have they not asked before now why you didn't reply? Maybe they're assuming you're not going now anyway? Was it just a save the date, or an actual invitation?

Having said that though, I'd turn it down in your position, because to exclude you and invite everyone else sends a pretty clear message about how much they want you there.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 08/04/2014 18:09

You're not close. Your family is closer to him than you and sees him more often. His fiance doesn't like you. You've taken 3 months to reply.

And you're pissed off because...?

MaryWestmacott · 08/04/2014 18:10

Yep, you kind of lost the rudeness/politeness higher ground by not bothering to RSVP to a wedding invite you received over 4 months ago.

Needaninsight · 08/04/2014 18:12

^^^ This!!!

Original poster
ballseditup · 08/04/2014 18:12

I said I would go to my uncle when I got the save the date thinking i was saying yes to the whole day,i know I have been late formally replying

OP posts:
Original poster
ballseditup · 08/04/2014 18:14

is it normal to send save the date to people u only invite to the evening?

I am not being specific with dates sorry

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 08/04/2014 18:15

Why haven't you RSVP'd already? So has anyone else got an evening invite?

Original poster
ballseditup · 08/04/2014 18:15

(Because I do not want to out myself because i know fiancé is on mumsnet! Smile

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 08/04/2014 18:15

No it's normal to send save the dates to evening only, usually only day time guests.

Original poster
ballseditup · 08/04/2014 18:16

Pobble - no one iknow
We are a very small family on our side. there are some older friends of my grandparents who might be going but I don't know if thats for the day or evening.

OP posts:
Noappointmentnecessary · 08/04/2014 18:17

How funny. We r invited to a wedding all my family are invited to the day and we are only evening. We are not going as it is an hour away and I'm not wasting my time getting there only to come back a few hours later!!!

BerylStreep · 08/04/2014 18:17

He isn't getting married until June - it's not that late to reply.

If you don't really talk, it isn't that unreasonable to only get an evening invite. I would go if you want, but don't give cash.

Original poster
ballseditup · 08/04/2014 18:19

We talk at family things like weddings Grin and parties & have a nice time, just don't call each other I suppose

Yes maybe i will just decline then & apologise for being rude and not RSVPing sooner

Thank you

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 08/04/2014 18:20

Could it be a mistake?

Ring uncle. Pretend you sent the RSVP in the post and assume it reached them. Ask if there is a separate guest list for evening invitees only. If it is a mistake he should realise , if its not then you know.

Monmouth · 08/04/2014 18:23

It is a bit odd to think - my sister/brother has two daughters but I'll just invite one of them to the whole thing and the other just to the evening.

It's not something I would do to my nieces and nephews.

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