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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dh be in sole charge of 3dc at the swimming pool

55 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 08/04/2014 13:04

Dh and I took our 3dds swimming. At the end of our swim, dh said he thought one of us should go and get dry and dressed then it would be easier to get the girls sorted. This meaning dh or I would be in the pool alone for a few minutes with 2 two-year-olds and a 6 year old (who can sort of swim). Pool rules are 2 non swimming dc per adult. It was quiet and all dc can touch the bottom in the learner pool, plus 2yos had arm bands but I know I'd never forgive myself if anything happened and dh isn't always brilliant at observation. (He's a fab farther btw). Anyway, I said no so we didn't do it but dh made it clear he thought I was nuts. Aibu?

OP posts:
ilovepowerhoop · 08/04/2014 13:19

if it was the end of swimming why didnt you all just get out and get washed/dried together?

ilovepowerhoop · 08/04/2014 13:20

I just dont see how it saves any time really

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 08/04/2014 13:20

We can't reach them all as it's fairly large for a learner pool.
People going on about "letting him" it's not that I'm in charge and give permission but by me refusing to go with his plan I didn't allow it to happen.
Maybe I'm over protective but it seemed unnecessary risk as dh gets 1dtd changed, I do the other and dd1 herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 08/04/2014 13:24

Dd1 has weekly lessons but struggles. Even if she could swim well our pool counts non swimmers as under 8s. 10 non swimmers in the pool with 1 adult? I'm guessing they weren't 2yos? Our pool only allows dc to have lessons without the parent in the water once they are school age.

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 08/04/2014 13:25

I'd have taken myself and the 6yo off to get dressed and then been free to deal with a DT each, so DH would be in the pool with just to 2 youngest children.

It sounds like a normal parenting conversation (shall we do X? maybe not, how about trying Y instead?) which turned nasty if you feel badly enough about it to post here for advice.

treaclesoda · 08/04/2014 13:26

well, I understand the two year olds being hard to control but the six year old would know to stay close to dad if she was told to, presumably?

Anyway, if you don't think it would save time then it would have been a pointless exercise anyway.

treaclesoda · 08/04/2014 13:28

Princess they're school age. The minimum age to put their names down for lessons here is 6, then there is at least a year long waiting list. Still no news swimmers though.

skinnyflatwhitetogo · 08/04/2014 13:28

Your DH is right. If you seriously think he would lose sight of one of his kids in a swimming pool, as you implied, then he can't be the 'fab dad' you claim he is. Make your mind up.

treaclesoda · 08/04/2014 13:29

and parents aren't allowed in the pool at lessons

treaclesoda · 08/04/2014 13:30

grr, autocorrect fail!

that should have said they are still non swimmers

RedFocus · 08/04/2014 13:32

We went swimming a few months back unfortunately about 10 minutes after getting in the pool I started to get a migraine and have visual disturbances so I had to get out of the pool and left my dh with the 3 kids for the rest of the session. My dh is not their father he's their step father but he has 3 children of his own and I wouldn't dream of insulting him by saying he couldn't manage to look after them on his own. He's not an idiot he has managed to scrape through life so far!
So op I think YABVU and quite rude!

TenThousandThings · 08/04/2014 13:40

What would happen in the case of a one-parent family with three kids? It's just a local rule some bored middle manager made up.

Objection · 08/04/2014 13:44

Yes we are equal parents but by me not agreeing I effectively ruled against it and didn't let it happen

Talk about a contradiction in terms!
YABU, and you know that otherwise you wouldn't have posted it on here

CinnabarRed · 08/04/2014 13:52

What really strikes me is how different the rules are in different pools!

Ours has classes of up to 8 non-swimmers from 3 years old without a teacher in the water of the training pool, for example, but requires a 1:1 adult-to-each-under-8 ratio (they have additional lifeguards on a Sunday so that larger families can swim). So both more lax and more stringent than most.

You'd think there would be an agreed standard, wouldn't you?

FWIW, I would have left my DH in charge if I popped to the loo, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to leave it any longer. I don't think it's that easy to keep an eye on 3 small children.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/04/2014 13:58

Yes we are equal parents but by me not agreeing I effectively ruled against it and didn't let it happen

Talk about a contradiction in terms!
YABU, and you know that otherwise you wouldn't have posted it on here

She didn't rule against it - the rules ruled against it and she correctly wanted to comply. There are reasons for those rules.
(however, taking the 6-yo with you and leaving him with the other two might have been a good compromise).

Scrounger · 08/04/2014 14:01

I have similar aged children, 3 yo DTs and a 7 yo and we wouldn't leave only one person in the pool with three children. Apart from it breaching our local pool's rules I find that our DTs both go in different directions whilst the older one wants to go into the large pool. Whilst we can 'contain' them we would decide that it isn't worth it. If one is going down the slide you focus on them, meanwhile the other one goes under the water. Which one do you go to first? Whilst I don't think one of them will end up drowning I don't want the stress.

cingolimama · 08/04/2014 14:02

YABU, and as someone who used to do open water lifeguarding (okay about a hundred years ago when I was eighteen) I'm serious about water safety and know how quickly someone can drown. Forgive me but your attitude is neurotic. If you are alert for the five to ten minutes it would take your DH to get back, then nothing would happen. Also, if there was anything close to an incident, would you not scream for a lifeguard instead of fretting that your DH isn't there?

tumbletumble · 08/04/2014 14:14

I think YANBU because I don't really see much advantage to what DH was suggesting. It's easy enough to all get changed together.

NoodleOodle · 08/04/2014 14:16

Replies are quite divided it seems. I wouldn't want to be in charge of three non swimmers, and I am a reasonable swimmer (no lifeguard training or anything though).

If you were not comfortable with the ratio for their safety then YWNBU.

Artandco · 08/04/2014 14:22

If your 2 year old can touch the floor in assuming the adult watching wouldn't even need to swim to 'rescue' them, just erm walk and pick them up.

I would have left them fine. Like you say, eldest can half swim and assuming def touch bottom if 2 year olds can. And younger two have arm bands on and can touch the bottom. The adult could even sit on the edge of pool and watch as
They are only walking around.

Lucylouby · 08/04/2014 14:47

We used to do this, a little baby, a 2.5 year old and a five year old. I would go and get changed leaving DH with all three, then I would go and get baby to get her changed, DH would give me five mins to sort her out then get the other two out and we would get one changed each. I used to plan it with precision and the system never failed us!

MrsBearWasTired · 08/04/2014 15:56

YANBU. The pool rules as there for a reason.

I would have got out and taken the 6yr old- they wouldn't have needed much help getting changed and then gone back out for the younger ones. Unless there is a family changing room then we would have all gotten out together.

Comeatmefam · 08/04/2014 15:58

I can hardly bear to type these words but my dd nearly (very nearly) drowned when left with my husband and youger dd.

I can't write any more about it as I've already started to feel sick but DO NOT take any risks and DO NOT listen to any achinginly-faux laid back Mumsnetters telling you you are being too precious.

wobblyweebles · 08/04/2014 15:59

I used to take a 6yo, 4yo and 2yo swimming without any help. They were only allowed in the water when they had armbands on. We swam almost every day for about 3 months and nothing went wrong.

sheilafisher · 08/04/2014 16:02

Our local pool would ask you to leave if they noticed. They became very hot on it after a child drowned, and as a result pretty much everyone complies without complaint.

That said, till it happened, I happily swam with all three of mine. DH would not have wanted to.

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