I need to move, quickly.
I have previous with the kid so it will undoubtedly look like retaliation.
I was in the garden picking up dog poo (rained heavy yesterday so I wore disposable gloves) not sure if relevant but I'm slovenly so it was 2xdogs x4ishdays ã 30x turds.
Little girl from down the street comes to fucking chat.
Now I avoid this little darling because she is a carbon copy of her Mum and a cheeky one too.
Hardly her fault I know.
Still I try not to engage in gossip and tattle with 10 year olds.
Leaning over the wall she asks me if I knew why Mark had left his wife (my neighbour Mark) so pissed off that she even knows about Mark, plus I had no idea he had left, I decided to be charitable and have a more suitable chat.
Despite my better instincts I called her over to the fence to look at ladybirds intending to distract her from marriage problems and guide her towards the lovely subject of all the different types of ladybirds.
Of course she stuck her face right in, got a tiny ladybird on her face and starting bloody screeching.
I panicked.
After she told me I had lesbian hair last week I didn't want her Mum thinking I was hurting her.
How was I to know she is afraid of insects?
Blood curdling screams ringing down the street I brushed the offending ladybird away and tried to sooth her.
With soggy shit covered gloves.
Dog muck on her face like urban camo.
I don't come out of this well do I?