I Have Smeared Dog Shit on Neighbours Kids Face

[Fontofnowt]

I need to move, quickly.

I have previous with the kid so it will undoubtedly look like retaliation.

I was in the garden picking up dog poo (rained heavy yesterday so I wore disposable gloves) not sure if relevant but I'm slovenly so it was 2xdogs x4ishdays ã 30x turds.

Little girl from down the street comes to fucking chat.
Now I avoid this little darling because she is a carbon copy of her Mum and a cheeky one too.

Hardly her fault I know.
Still I try not to engage in gossip and tattle with 10 year olds.

Leaning over the wall she asks me if I knew why Mark had left his wife (my neighbour Mark) so pissed off that she even knows about Mark, plus I had no idea he had left, I decided to be charitable and have a more suitable chat.
Despite my better instincts I called her over to the fence to look at ladybirds intending to distract her from marriage problems and guide her towards the lovely subject of all the different types of ladybirds.

Of course she stuck her face right in, got a tiny ladybird on her face and starting bloody screeching.

I panicked.

After she told me I had lesbian hair last week I didn't want her Mum thinking I was hurting her.

How was I to know she is afraid of insects?

Blood curdling screams ringing down the street I brushed the offending ladybird away and tried to sooth her.

With soggy shit covered gloves.

Dog muck on her face like urban camo.

I don't come out of this well do I?

I feel "looser" as CB than I ever did as Bobbly Gussets.

Oh Cunty, were you Bobbly Gussets, I remember that name.

Squeeeee!

You owe me a new keyboard...

oh wait, no you dont.

2x dogs x4 days = 30 turds?
What the heck are you feeding them?
You need to get em on raw, hun. Chuck a chicken wing, less effort than dog food. They will then produce one small stick of chalk each per day. It will be dry and bony in texture and you can wipe it on the faces of every child in the street without fear of retribution. In fact you can probably offer it up for games of hopscotch and problem solved! Kids too busy playing traditional games to discuss hair and swinging husbands

Blimey, I only asked if you wanted some kittens, I had kittens when I was 13.
They were so sweet.

Bobby Gussets is a great name.

What sort of a person refers to a child in these terms.

"Gusset" is a great word, full stop.

I like a cotton one. Nylon does nothing for my Janet.

But I thought you'd like kittens
Everyone likes kittens don't they.

Some prefer puppies mind.

I prefer a cotton gusset myself too AF.
Don't like the static you get with nylon ones.

Bobbly ones are fun though.

Wtf is all this about Janet?

Would you lick your Janet if you could OldViking?

My old neighbour was a Janet, don't think she liked it when I licked her.

That is all.

D'you remember when we were all punching kittens?

Or kicking pigeons?

Sighing for the old days won't bring them back.

So, not all of the losers at school grow out of it, some go on to be bitter sad acts even in adulthood.
Mumsnet is very interesting. I wouldn't go near people like you in real life.

If I advance search 'Janet' on todays postings im going to regret aren't I?

KittensoftPuppydog you forgot to do [headtilt]

And dolphins, who was it who was punching Dolphins?
Not me, I like Dolphins.

How do you know though Kittensoft?

GertieGusset could be your BFF and you just wouldn't know

I'm sorry gertie, I mistakenly capitalised you.

The name is ironical gusset. I know I shouldn't expect you to get that.

Sorry kittens, shall endeavour to grow up tres pronto.