Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a baby to scream for over an hour

101 replies

Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 08:17

AIBU for thinking it's not ok to leave a baby to scream itself for an hour and a half, every hour and a half 24/7?

This has been happening since it was born and it's now about 7 months.

I thought CC was for about 5 minutes or so? Said baby sounds totally and utterly distressed throughout the day and night and is constantly crying. I know some babies like to scream but surely not on a 24 hourly basis. It has no medical conditions apparently, it just doesn't like to sleep I've been told.

AIBU to think surely one of the parents should get up to comfort it as night as the hysteria goes on for a VERY long time and as I said this baby sound utterly utterly distressed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 08:48

Thanks Bertie yes it's CC but I thought it was for shorter periods.

Ok I've my answer now.

OP posts:
Quinteszilla · 08/04/2014 08:50

How do you know the baby is left?

My son would scream, in my arms, from tiredness every evening, before eventually nodding off, still in my arms. It was hard.

Aventurine · 08/04/2014 08:50

If they have said they leave the baby on its own to scream itself to sleep then I agree with you op.

Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 08:50

I wanted to know as the baby sounds very distressed and I feel a bit sorry for it but if that's their reasoning then ok that's up to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 08:51

Everyone. The baby is left. I know this. I'm not assuming, or guessing, or imagining. It is.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 08/04/2014 08:52

Please

You know as well as we do that this all very much depends and you can't expect people to answer on little information.

hazeyjane · 08/04/2014 08:52

Leaving a baby on its own to scream for an hour isn't cc, but 'cry it out'. I am not a fan of either method, but know lots of people who have done both.

Ds was a screamer (and still is unfortunately) despite being carried, cuddle and co sleeping, but he did and does have a medical condition. (and I have bought our next door neighbour ear plugs and lots of chocolate by way of apology!)

formerbabe · 08/04/2014 08:57

I had a baby that could scream for that long...while I held her and tried to comfort her...she wasn't on her own.

Op..if you are listening through walls then you don't know the baby is being left. Her parents could be pacing the room trying to comfort him/her.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2014 08:57

It's not controlled crying, but it's what people used to do routinely before controlled crying became popular. Controlled crying is when you comfort them after short intervals and slowly increase the intervals. (Although I have seen it interpreted as going in after 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10, then leaving them until they fall asleep in the same night)

If they are a "problem family" as you seem to be implying, then it's likely that their HV is already aware of potential issues, but if you're genuinely worried you could have a word.

Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 08:59

No, no family problems. And for the last time the baby is being left to cry.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 08/04/2014 09:02

Depends how you know them? Are you in a position to go round and offer some help?

JapaneseMargaret · 08/04/2014 09:04

You are simply not giving us enough information to tell you whether YABU or not.

Why not?

Who is this baby?

How are you so certain that it's not being tended to?

MinesAPintOfTea · 08/04/2014 09:06

Its not ideal, but might be the only way they can cope/the best way they can get them to go to sleep.

Whose is the baby?

Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 09:07

We have been told by the parents it's what they do and upon hearing it wondered why as it was distressing for all.

OP posts:
Balaboosta · 08/04/2014 09:08

Referring to the baby as "it" is not endearing you to me.

keepcalm111 · 08/04/2014 09:09

Interesting to compare teh responses to this this, to the other thread with the teenager intervening and telling the mother to 'calm the baby'

Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 09:10

Bala, that's ok I'm fine with that, I just don't want to disclose it's sex if you don't mind.

OP posts:
Aventurine · 08/04/2014 09:13

No that isn't acceptable for them to leave the baby crying for that amount of time as they have told you they leave it on its own.

CountessOfRule · 08/04/2014 09:22

Ok then, in the abstract it's not right to leave a baby to cry, no.

Staying with the baby when he cries makes a difference to the baby if not to the neighbours!

isitme1 · 08/04/2014 09:25

My baby is 8

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2014 09:25

No where near enough information given to give an answer.
If baby is well, warm, dry and fed, then it's parents decision if they leave 'it' to cio.
If it's crying because 'its' being abused, then obviously that's not fine.
I did cio (never went that long tho) and I stand by it as being one of the best decisions In raising children I ever made.

isitme1 · 08/04/2014 09:26

8months old and hes

isitme1 · 08/04/2014 09:27

Wtf is wrong with my phone!!
Right trying again...
my baby is 8 months and hes just started screaming a lot more around a month ago.
Noticed hes cutting some teeth hes got 3 already and a few more are coming out. Hes has pain relief but toothache can be a bastard. Maybe the child is teething?

PumpkinPie2013 · 08/04/2014 09:29

Based on the fact that they have told you they leave the baby to cry - I personally wouldn't as I don't like the idea of CIO.

Also birth to 7 months seems far too young for sleep training of aby kind.

However it could be that they are really worn out/genuinely don't know what to do and could actually do with some support.

Can you suggest (politely) that a HV or their local children's centre may be able to offer some help?

I'm exceptionally lucky that so far my ds is not a screamer and sleeps well but I feel for anyone whose baby is a screamer/none sleeper as it must be awful for all concerned.

Original poster
Pleasejustgo · 08/04/2014 09:31

It, the baby has always been left to it now appears 'cry it out'. I doubt they leave it when teething and I can say with as much certainty that this is not an abuse case.

I've not heard of crying it out beyond CC. My bad it seems Grin

OP posts: