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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a tad uncomfortable about this woman taking photos of my DS?

78 replies

AveryJessup · 08/04/2014 04:48

This morning my playgroup had a group 'play date' at the park and I took DS (2.5) along. One of the mothers there had some professional-grade camera equipment with her and was taking lots of photos of her daughter, or at least that's what I thought.

As I was talking to her, I noticed she was actually zooming in her camera on my son and taking his photo. He wasn't playing with her DD or anything, just him on his own. I felt a bit uncomfortable about that so I asked her 'oh are you taking photos to share on [group site]?' and she said 'no, it's just my daughter has a lot of playdates coming up so I'm making sure I get a lot of practice with the camera' Hmm. I noticed later that she was doing this with a few of the other kids too, just photographing them on their own, not playing with her DD or in a group shot or anything.

DH thinks I should have challenged her on this and told her that I wasn't comfortable with her taking photos of my son without asking me first but I wasn't sure because there's no law against it, after all. It's not something I would ever do, however. She is an acquaintance and we see each other now and again. Her DD is a lovely little girl but this woman can be a little intense and weird. I was hesitant to challenge her for that reason too as she has fallen out with some of the mothers in the group before.

It's not that I think she has any nefarious purposes in taking photos of other people's kids. I just think it's a bit weird. I would always ask before I take a picture of another person's child and would offer to share the photo with them. To me it's odd to take photos of other people's kids just for yourself.

So AIBU? Or is photographing other people's kids without asking them using a zoom lens and expensive camera at a play date weird?

(We're in the US by the way, hence American terminology, reference to law of the state we're in etc.)

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 14:09

pinkie You absolutely can "go around taking pictures of children" when they are in a public place. What you cannot do without permission is reproduce those pictures for public display, hence consent forms.

MinesAPintOfTea · 08/04/2014 14:33

Maid the rule is for use in advertising. But either way being the face painter that pisses parents off (through taking unwanted photos or anything else) would be a good way to ruin a business.

RCheshire · 08/04/2014 14:35

In the UK you can take photos of anyone (old or young) in a public place.

I think the 'professional-grade camera equipment' aspect is a little misleading. Nowadays everyone and their dog has a DSLR. Most of the time the dog can take better pictures! So the type of camera shouldn't matter - would it have felt less intrusive if a small compact?

I've taken pictures of lots of kids in group settings. Often pictures of individual children as it's often easy to get attractive action shots of individual children, but much trickier to get something successful of multiple children moving around. They've all been people I've been friendly with though. If a stranger started following my children around the park taking photo after photo then I would find that odd and ask them to stop.

Whilst I don't see much wrong with taking photos in the sort of setting the OP describes, I do feel you should be able to say "sorry, but would you mind leaving my kids out of the photos" or "would you mind sending me a copy of any decent ones".

LtColGrinch · 08/04/2014 14:48

You could always try a bag on the kids head - just don't get too narked when "Kid in Bag" wins a turner prize.... Grin

AramintaDeWinter · 08/04/2014 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 08/04/2014 16:45

This is one of those "just because you can, it doesn't mean you should' type things.

No, there's no law saying you can't take photographs of other people's children without their permission, but it would tick me right off - just as it would if someone decided to take my photograph without asking me. I find it intrusive and I don't care a jot about your portfolio.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 16:49

if someone decided to take my photograph without asking me. I find it intrusive

I asked upthread but not sure the poster has returned yet...

How is it intrusive?

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 16:51

PS. Genuine question BTW, not a springboard for a specific opinion.

SirChenjin · 08/04/2014 17:00

It's hard to explain - but it's the idea that someone is focusing on me and what I'm doing, without informing me that they are watching me, and then capturing that on film without telling me, to look at me or my DC again in private, showing it to others perhaps, and taking away my right to privacy.

As I said - I find it intrusive (highly intrusive in fact) and would be very angry if someone did this to me (or my DC).

Original poster
AveryJessup · 08/04/2014 17:05

Seems this is one of those etiquette things then - some would find this intrusive and rude; others are fine with it and don't mind anyone taking pictures of them or their children.

Maybe it's an introvert / extrovert thing? DH is more introvert than me and he really did not take kindly to the idea of a random parent at a play date photographing our DS. He said I should have challenged her more directly. I was uneasy about it too but couldn't put my finger on why, hence this AIBU.

I guess it's because I would expect anyone to ask my permission before photographing me and I would not be comfortable about random people snapping photos of me at a party unless they intended to share them. I mean why would they want a photo of me?? It's just weird. It's the same with children for me: they're people too with their own preferences, not dolls or objects that are 'cute' and there for others' amusement.

All about personal preferences I suppose! Which is why I think photographers should ask first...

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 17:11

Avery, what do you mean 'Why would they want a photo of you?' You might have a wonderful face, or be bathed in perfect light, or have an interesting expression.

This is why photographs steal souls. People stop being people and start being objects.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 17:16

Chenjin, obviously strangers looking at and focussing on you will happen every day in every place, almost certainly without informing you.

So how does it feel if I do this then go home and describe you verbally or in words? Is that less intrusive than if I go home with a picture? What if I created a painting of you from my memory?

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 17:17

I mean written words...

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 17:18

Also, do you have a right to privacy when in a public place?

TeacupDrama · 08/04/2014 17:26

no right to privacy in public place ie park, restaurant, museum, high street, church,

TeacupDrama · 08/04/2014 17:26

public beach etc

Tessdurbevilliespoon · 08/04/2014 17:36

YANBU, not because I think she had grimy intentions, I just wouldn't like a non family member having pictures of my daughter. I don't know, it would just feel like too intimate a connection between the mother and I, nothing to do with my daughter directly. I think that my daughter chooses who she makes friends with a playgroup and I can choose which parents to befriend, therefore randoms should not just assume we feel comfortable with them taking pictures.

SirChenjin · 08/04/2014 18:02

MaidofStars - you asked me why I find it intrusive. I have explained. If you choose to ignore or dismiss or challenge then I simply refer you back to my initial response.

I find it intrusive, and while other people might notice me in passing it's very different to picking me out of a crowd, fixing a lens on me and then taking my photo to use as you want without having the decency to check that I'm OK with that.

I may not have a right to privacy in law, but it comes down to what you can do and what you should do. The 2 are often very different things. If I saw you taking my photo without my permission then I would tell you to stop.

Sallystyle · 08/04/2014 18:13

I am a child photographer, I would never take a picture of a child without getting permission first.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 18:15

No need for arsiness whatsoever. I was trying to expand on your points.

SirChenjin · 08/04/2014 18:16

Just had a nosey peek at your profile Samu - if those are your photos they are fab! Smile. I'm glad there are photographers out there who extend some consideration and respect to their subjects.

SirChenjin · 08/04/2014 18:17

No arsiness and no need for my points to be expanded - they were perfectly clear, you just happened to disagree with them.

Sallystyle · 08/04/2014 18:25

Yep, my husband and one of my daughters. Thank you, they are my favourite as they weren't posed :)

cingolimama · 08/04/2014 18:30

Samu you take a lovely photograph. Also your DH is totally hot.

Lovecat · 08/04/2014 18:36

I supppose so, Aeroflotgirl & MaidOfStars

I was just wondering how the conversation went when they were showing their photos to friends/relations... "And next, here's a random child we're posing with like we're related to her" - I just found it a bit odd!