Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a tad uncomfortable about this woman taking photos of my DS?

78 replies

AveryJessup · 08/04/2014 04:48

This morning my playgroup had a group 'play date' at the park and I took DS (2.5) along. One of the mothers there had some professional-grade camera equipment with her and was taking lots of photos of her daughter, or at least that's what I thought.

As I was talking to her, I noticed she was actually zooming in her camera on my son and taking his photo. He wasn't playing with her DD or anything, just him on his own. I felt a bit uncomfortable about that so I asked her 'oh are you taking photos to share on [group site]?' and she said 'no, it's just my daughter has a lot of playdates coming up so I'm making sure I get a lot of practice with the camera' Hmm. I noticed later that she was doing this with a few of the other kids too, just photographing them on their own, not playing with her DD or in a group shot or anything.

DH thinks I should have challenged her on this and told her that I wasn't comfortable with her taking photos of my son without asking me first but I wasn't sure because there's no law against it, after all. It's not something I would ever do, however. She is an acquaintance and we see each other now and again. Her DD is a lovely little girl but this woman can be a little intense and weird. I was hesitant to challenge her for that reason too as she has fallen out with some of the mothers in the group before.

It's not that I think she has any nefarious purposes in taking photos of other people's kids. I just think it's a bit weird. I would always ask before I take a picture of another person's child and would offer to share the photo with them. To me it's odd to take photos of other people's kids just for yourself.

So AIBU? Or is photographing other people's kids without asking them using a zoom lens and expensive camera at a play date weird?

(We're in the US by the way, hence American terminology, reference to law of the state we're in etc.)

OP posts:
Catsize · 08/04/2014 08:57

I wouldn't ask to take pictures of a friend's child. Having said that, am now very self-conscious taking photos of my children in parks, swimming pools on holiday etc., thanks to modern thoughts about such things. Must be even worse if you're a man. I know a press photographer who has been challenged by mothers in public on several occasions.

RussianBlu · 08/04/2014 09:00

Some people are being fairly unkind to the op I feel. It isn't normal to go around taking pictures of other peoples children just for the sake of trying out your camera. If she walked into a classroom and started randomly snapping children at work 'just for practice' she would be stopped there and then. She may well be doing it for the reasons she cited, but why didn't she think to mention this to anyone? She may also be doing it for any number of reasons ... promoting her new business, deciding who is and isn't good enough to be friends with her child.

Those of you who think its quite alright, where does it stop being alright? Would it be ok for her to stick her lens in your living room window or snap you out at the supermarket because she wants to practice taking photos in different light and at different angles?

Nothing strange about taking photos of people, but she should have explained and asked for permission first. I was in the street once with my son in a baby sling, cue American tourist asking to take our photo because she had just bought a new camera and she wanted to try it out on us because we 'just looked so cute' or something. That's fine, but if she had just taken the photo without speaking I would have thought that most odd.

Martorana · 08/04/2014 09:03

Yep- because openly taking photographs of children you know in plain sight of their parents is such a good way for paedophiles to get pictures.........

DreamingofSummer · 08/04/2014 09:47

Why oh why is there such hysteria about photography these days?

OP what do you think she was going to do with the pictures?

Burren · 08/04/2014 09:49

Leaving aside your concerns about the woman, it's bad manners. Ask me first, and I get to consider it and ask for an email of photos if I agree. Don't ask first, and I will be politely suggesting you try out your nice new Nikon elsewhere, whether you are Mother Teresa or have devil horns poking up through your hair. When my child is old enough, he gets to decide.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 09:54

I love taking photos of children - they are the most perfect little subjects. Most of the time there is an adult to ask permission (and of course, always offer to share) but sometimes not (if it's not obvious).

Also, I rarely ask adults if I can take their picture. If I am on the street or at a party/wedding, it's fair game (although I would offer a small amount of cash to a street performer/homeless person etc). How do think professional photographers manage?

Kaekae · 08/04/2014 09:57

I wouldn't be worried about this TBH, if a total stranger was doing it behind a hedge or something then yes, I would feel very concerned. If I take photos of any child within a group I'm with, I always text them the photo or email it to them if it was taken on my camera. She seemed a bit precious not to do the same.

soverylucky · 08/04/2014 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Polonius · 08/04/2014 10:31

I don't think it's weird. Just people watching with a camera. I bought a dslr and it took heaps of getting used to. I doubt the photographs were for anything more sinister than figuring out camera settings.

dunsborough · 08/04/2014 11:08

I think it is weird. And rude not to ask permission.

IamaBreastfeedingTramp · 08/04/2014 11:13

It would have been polite to ask.

However, I think you do often see someone at an adults party taking a few snaps. I've never challenged them and never seen the photo's.

Oldraver · 08/04/2014 12:24

I do think its very rude to take photos without permission. I dont care if it isnt against the law I dont want myself or my DS snapped by some random stranger. I very rarely have my photo taken so why should someone 'just in the street or park' be able to do it without asking ? Its intrusive and invasive and just because you have spent a shedload on a fancy pants camera you cant use it doesn't mean you should have carte blanche to invade my privacy. Some people seem to think 'Oh I have a camera I can do want' and accuse those that do not like it of peado-phobia

Its not about the peados.......its about you being rude gits

BarbarianMum · 08/04/2014 12:29

Not illegal but v rude - esp when you asked her not to.

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 12:30

it doesn't mean you should have carte blanche to invade my privacy

Can you outline how taking a reportage style photo of you and/or your child in the park or street is an invasion of privacy?

SaucyJack · 08/04/2014 12:32

It would've got up my nose too if she'd done it right in front of me without even pretending to ask permission, but it isn't the crime of the century either.

MrsRuffdiamond · 08/04/2014 12:36

I really don't get the hysteria around photography these days. It's reminiscent of primitive tribes thinking that people who took their photo were capturing their souls. Confused

One over-zealous parent complained about another parent at a junior football match my son was in, just because she was filming a bit of the match on her phone. One of the managers came over and put a stop to it.

Bloody ridiculous.

Lovecat · 08/04/2014 12:38

I think she should have asked for permission first.

Mind you, a few years ago a couple in our local park asked if they could take some photos of DD, I said yes, assuming they meant of her playing, the man then started posing his wife/girlfriend in front of a flowering bush, with DD standing with her with one hand on her shoulder, the other holding her hand like a family portrait pose, took a few, then asked if I would take a photo of them all, him stood on one side, gf on the other, DD in the middle, again like a family studio pose!

Now that was weird... Especially as they were an Indian couple and DD is blonde & blue-eyed!

MaidOfStars · 08/04/2014 12:42

Especially as they were an Indian couple and DD is blonde & blue-eyed

I actually think this makes it less weird and would assume a fascination with ethnic/racial differences.

SaucyJack · 08/04/2014 12:43

I really don't get the hysteria around photography these days. It's reminiscent of primitive tribes thinking that people who took their photo were capturing their souls.

It's probably far more to do with Facebook tbh. At least in the olden days if someone took a shit photo of you then it would just get stuck in a photo album that noone ever looked at. Now they get put on Facebook so that everyone you've ever met and their dog can have daily reminders of how fat you've got or that your roots need doing.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/04/2014 12:51

Yanbu at all, even if she was trying out her camera she should have asked .

Aeroflotgirl · 08/04/2014 12:53

Lovecat in how do I say it, counties where you have darker people, your dd would be a novelty, like a fascination because of her looks.

MrsRuffdiamond · 08/04/2014 12:56

Ok, I get that that's could be annoying, SaucyJack, but I don't think that parents' concerns are around the possibility of photos not doing their children full justice!

That's just it. I don't understand what the concerns are. What is there to fear about photos being taken of your children fully clothed, in plain sight, doing normal activities?

Now if someone was prowling about outside my house, trying to photograph my dc having a bath, getting ready for bed etc., I think even I would hear alarm bells ringing. But at a football match? Really?

Pawprint · 08/04/2014 12:58

Tricky. Let's face it, if it had been a man taking pics, most people would raise an eyebrow.

Last summer, I saw a guy taking photos of some little girls paddling in the river in their swimming costumes. He wasn't with them, I am sure of that, as he jumped guiltily and scuttled off when I approached him.

cingolimama · 08/04/2014 13:13

As FriendlyLady and other have pointed out, photographers tend to see things differently. I'm a serious amateur photographer, and have taken photos of kids I don't know with a zoom lens, though as a courtesy I usually speak to the parents. It's never been an issue, and if a man was doing the same thing I wouldn't have a problem. As many people have pointed a peodophile wouldn't be overt about it.

And BTW, a zoom lens is not inherently weird, in fact it can be ideal for photographing children without them knowing they're being photographed - thereby avoiding the dreadful "posing" that can go on. A zoom lens can capture an action moment (a leap, a ball catch, a jump into the pool) or it can be used for portraiture.

OP, it seems that you have other issues with this woman, apart from the photography. You've decided she's "weird". She may be weird, but the photography bit isn't.

pinkie1982 · 08/04/2014 14:07

I am a face painter and if I ever wish to take a pic of what I have painted, I have a disclaimer for the parent to sign. I will email them a copy of the photograph and there are tickboxes for the parent to give consent to whether I can display the face in public.

As far as I am aware you cannot just go around taking pics of children nowadays

Swipe left for the next trending thread