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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the nurse could have given me a smear test?

51 replies

Confused27 · 07/04/2014 21:18

Sorry if this is TMI for anyone - I hope I have given enough info in the thread title to allow people to avoid if necessary!

I am 27 and still a virgin. Combination of some fairly strict religious beliefs in my early 20's and my failure to find anyone I like enough to have sex with in my later 20's. I don't have a problem with it.

Because I have never had sex I have never had a smear test.

I went to the doctor's a little while ago and they were very very concerned about my lack of smear test. They said that whilst the risk was much lower for me it was not non-existent and I was playing "a dangerous game with my health" by not getting one.

So I went to the nurse last Friday to get one done. I was braced for it to be pretty uncomfortable but was prepared to put up with it.

Nurse promptly told me there was absolutely no way they could give me a smear test as there was "no chance of getting it in with you being a virgin". She also questioned whether I wanted the "first thing up there" to be a metal stick rather than a penis.

Personally, I don't care. I'm more bothered about my health. I pointed out what the doctor had said and she replied "well, that's what happens with virgins".

I've been left pretty confused and actually quite annoyed about the way I have been treated. AIBU?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 07/04/2014 21:22

I am sitting here open mouthed in shock!

I would complain straightaway.

BitsinTatters · 07/04/2014 21:24

Oh my

She said what!?!

I'd complain

craftysewer · 07/04/2014 21:25

That is unacceptable. If your GP has recommended you have a smear then it is not up to the nurse to contradict him/her. I would go back to your GP and explain what has happened. I would also insist that someone else does your smear if you return to the surgery for it.

BitsinTatters · 07/04/2014 21:26

If that was said by a male doctor they would be completely rung through for saying that!!

Blimey that's wound me up. It's NON of her business

How's she not to know you regularly shove a fucking cucumber up there!!

anniroc · 07/04/2014 21:27

That is completely unacceptable, I would complain. You are 27, you need to have smear tests from age 25, simple as. Warning - I was in a similar situation to you when I had my first smear and it really hurt! Good luck.

AntoinetteCosway · 07/04/2014 21:28

Bloody hell! Definitely complain. That is shocking of her.

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2014 21:31

It is possible to use a virginal speculum in this situation.

That nurse was both ignorant and tactless.

(As a student nurse I was mortified to have inadvertently set up the antenatal clinic exam trolley with one. This caused general hilarity and jokes at my expense all afternoon. )

MammaTJ · 07/04/2014 21:36

3littlefrogs, thanks for the tip. I will try to make sure I don't make the same mistake!

BitsinTatters · 07/04/2014 21:36

3littlrfrogs what's the difference between a vaginal speculum and the one that normally gets used then? Genuinely confused & interested

Annietheacrobat · 07/04/2014 21:38

The virginal speculum is a tiny version of the normal one with a more pointed tip

Original poster

Confused27 · 07/04/2014 21:38

Thanks for your replies all, I was beginning to think it was just me.

She made me feel that my virginity was somehow a problem and that I don't get to enter the special smear test club unless I get shagging. Obviously she didn't say that, but that was how I felt.

I do use tampons and my hymen is long gone. Whilst my vagina hasn't been tried and tested in the usual way, it isn't sealed up. I reckon it would have coped.

3littlefrogs I didn't realise they made them especially for us! That confirms to me that I should be having them. I watched the documentary on the 23 year old who sadly got breast cancer and I do not want to take that risk.

I will head back to my GP and write a complaint letter!

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/04/2014 21:38

A mate of mine, who is a lesbian, had a similar experience in terms of nasty attitudes.

You would be completely reasonable to complain.

3littlefrogs · 07/04/2014 21:43

Virginal speculum - smaller and thin, to be used for virgins. (Not appropriate for pregnant ladies - hence the amusement of the clinic staff).

An ordinary vaginal speculum is for use in all other circumstances - they do come in small, medium and large sizes. I think the usual one for smear tests is medium sized.

Nanny0gg · 07/04/2014 21:44

Oh! Is that what v. small speculums are called?

They're also quite handy for older nervous patients too!

OP - definitely complain. Not up to the nurse!

SirChenjin · 07/04/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/04/2014 21:46

I had a smear when I was a virgin. I had done everything else, so they said there was a small risk.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/04/2014 21:47

Ooops, sent too soon - you should complain, what she said to you was very unprofessional.

Original poster

Confused27 · 07/04/2014 21:48

SirChenjin It is not my first post, I've Name Changed.

Why do you think I would care if you believed me or not?

Thank you to all the other posters, your comments have been most helpful.

OP posts:

cardamomginger · 07/04/2014 21:48

Second the very small speculum (never knew it was called a virginal speculum!). They are brilliant!

candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/04/2014 21:49

It's not rocket science to think that someone may be embarrassed and name change, is it?

SirChenjin · 07/04/2014 21:50

In which case, obviously complain. What a extremely strange thing for the practice nurse to say.

MincingOnBy · 07/04/2014 21:53

wtf does she even mean "well that's what happens with virgins" what a non response. Complain, she has handled it badly. If you are past the age where it's recommended and want to have it done, fair enough you are sensible. Who is she to say no!

slowcomputer · 07/04/2014 22:49

The nurses's comments are clearly wrong and you should complain.

Cervical cancer is driven by HPV which is sexually transmitted and if you have absolutely no chance of having contracted HPV then you don't need a smear. If however you have had oral sex, used sex toys, done a bit of mutual masturbation etc then it isn't an unreasonable thing to have done, and a virginal speculum can be used.if you have genuinely had no sexual contact of any type, ever, then I can't understand why your GP wants you to do a smear test and I would ask him/her to clarify.

FlyntCoal · 07/04/2014 23:42

Complain, definitely. My Aunt was a nun all her life, entered... nun school? Seminary? Not sure, but as a young teen, very devoted and religious- so almost certainly a virgin all her life. She died in her 70s from her third time of cervical cancer. Smears are not just for sexually active, I think the risk is increased with sexual activity but even without it the risk is still there.

PicandMinx · 07/04/2014 23:59

The nurse may have come across as tactless, but I agree with her. A smear test is an optional screening for a rare cancer. You do not "need" a test and they are not compulsory. You are not playing a dangerous game with your health.

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