To feel like an fitness widow!

[Balancinglife]

Sitting here alone feeling fed up while my partner is out doing his fitness thing on a Mon evening, Wednesday evening, Thurs evening. Saturday Morning and Sunday afternoon!

He works 32 hours a week, I work 46 and he has asked me to go but tbh I'm too knackered!
And the housework does not get done by waving a magic wand...

Am about to be a cricket widow again two evenings a week and all day and evening on a Sat from May until September its not about not wanting to be alone but quality family time

Of course he could take up the housework and exercise at the same time....

Why are all these types of workouts aimed at women?

pay a sodding cleaner

I do feel that some are being dogmatic about time spent in the gym, short sharp workouts suit some people, others like to do things differently.

I spend two hours in the gym six days a week, that's just the way I like to roll.

Isn't the real problem to do with him shirking domestic duties and not pulling his weight in what ought to be an equal partnership?

That seems a lot to me but I don't know what the norm is when it comes to gyms.

Try showing him this...

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/exercise-is-hilarious-says-death-2013021459839

Housework is exercise, you know! He could still do some if he strapped weights on to his arms and legs.....

I feel for you OP, him not pulling his weight at housework would make me feel frustrated and annoyed too.

Have you kids? If he's so blasé about your time spent together and doing no housework too, it would be a deal breaker for me.

Maybe LTB?!

I do a lot of exercise and I don't think a skipping rope or weights round my ankles while I Hoover would cut it for me......

Why would someone spending a few hours doing their hobby be such a problem?

And yeah, I prioritise the gym over cleaning my bathroom. It will get done eventually.

Yep but Nick weights can be bought quite inexpensively. Digging the garden can bring most people out in a sweat. A running circuit could be done close to home.

A few hours of someone doing a hobby may be a problem if it leaves someone else to do all the work and if it means there is no family time together. Some fitness pursuits can be done with all the family, running whilst smaller ones cycle for example....

Needn't be isolated from family just in order to exercise...

My DH is a fitness 'widower'. I get a massive buzz, feel proud of my body, get a huge thrill out of events (it makes it all more worthwhile to train for something) - I don't function very well without it several times a week. I only take up 1/2 the evening though so we still have the second half of the evening to watch a program or something together.

What is the issue - you're lonely, you don't get to spend enough time on your own interests, you don't spend enough time together....?

Ditto what naturalbaby said. I think it is hard to understand the buzz of it if its not something that floats your boat.

I would say I am really committed but I can't train at home, it doesn't work for me.

There may be other issues in the relationship but not solely because he is spending a few hours at the gym.

He has tried to include the op, she said no.

Weights might be cheap but the postage costs a fortune.

'working out' at home is for sissies, all or nothing bust yo ass in the gym or don't bother
Dude

Nicknacky Why would a home gym not work?

Or running on a circuit close to your home, if running is your thing?

What is it about paying for a gym / working out in a studio which helps?

Suzanne You get weights from a sports shop near to home and take them home in the car...I have some, fairly heavy ones.

Unless you are talking about really really heavy ones. But other people do set up home gyms all the time. Worth investigating...

Suzanne Sissies? What about mind over matter? Open your mind dude...

I do classes and I like the camaraderie and social side, it makes me work harder with an instructor and the whole atmosphere.

I have weights, videos etc at home for when I do I occasionally train at home.

I run as well, do that from home but I vary my routine to make my muscles work to their full potential. Doing the same thing all the time isn't of benefit and if I run too often my knees can't take it.

And also, with two young kids I like to get out the house and feel me again.

Capsicum, but I don't have a car and I need 200 kg on the leg press to properly work my massive quads.

You got that much iron?

Nnick Well I expect you have to balance all that with your family's needs.

Camaraderie is not purely about fitness.

It sounds like the OP's husband needs some balance...

I totally didn't mean what I said about exercising at home, all movement is good wherever and however you like it :o

It does sound as though there are two separate issues here.

DP not pulling his weight over cleaning the house. However, I think people should also have a read of this thread as people do have very different ideas about how neat a home should be:-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2047486-To-wonder-why-the-tidy-person-always-wins?

Perhaps there does need to be some actual discussion about this rather than just expecting him to know what you want him to do.

The other issue is this:-

And soon it will be full days away at weekends at events.

So your dp is training for some sport or activity? Is this something new or has he always done this sport or activity that he is training for at the moment?

How do you feel about this activity? Is it something that you would enjoy or are there other things that you would enjoy doing instead - if that's the case why not do what you want to do as well?

Suzanne Yes, but my quads are too massive already and I am trying to reduce them! I like mountain biking the best, so this has probably contributed. Yes we do go biking as a family.

Diet is the only way to go for me, to reduce the whole thighidge. I don't mind losing a bit of muscles too, if my overall mass goes down.

Find something to do together - anything...

sounds like he is bored of slobbing out watching telly. :(

Sorry not much sympathy op, my dh trains 5 days a week and races one day at weekends, also works a 45ish hour week. Don't sit there being cross, get involved, or if you don't want to then find something you like doing. The housework is a separate issue, my dh still does his share, it's up to him how he fits it in around training commitments.

I think YABU. You don't mention kids so I'm assuming you have none -or none at home and I think it's highly that two adults create so much housework between them that he can't fit five gym sessions a week in around it and his part-time job.

I have a teenage son, I leave the house early and get home 7ish. Cook tea, I get my son to run around with the hoover to help me out, usually pop in a washing. I now get some

I pay someone to do the ironing now, go over homework after tea. I may watch an hour of tv, that's it. I will be in bed at 10:30 and up at 0600.

I would love to find extra time in the evenings. Like the idea of weights attached to his ankles whole he does the housework :-D