Brief history: violent ex partner removed from house by police. Ensuing struggle with courts preventing him seeing our two children for their safety. Eventually allowed unsupervised contact. We are now 7 years down the line. I was single for 5 years.
I have met a man! He is lovely. His two children are the same age as my two boys - they all did the same activity in their respective age groups which is how we met and also how we did not have to force teenagers together. Ideal!
His baggage is that his unreasonable ex (who slung him out when she decided she'd rather sleep with her cousin!). She engineered herself into a position where the matrimonial home was repossessed. We tried to get her into various appointments with mortgage help schemes but she refused to attend (at the same time my new man lost his job and I could not pay my mortgage and bills (my ex is on benefits and I get 10 from DWP for the boys) and their mortgage and bills on my own - she was sacked from her job for assaulting a member of staff who exposed her theiving). Long story short - and after a brief stint at Her Majesty's Pleasure - she has relocated to the other end of the country. Where she has been rehoused and is claiming every benefit under the sun. New Man's DD decided she wanted to stay down South at her school and with her friends so moved into my house. This was not a discussed situation - more a stamp feet and refusal to move to the other end of the country. To be fair there was no discussion from Mother - she just got on a train and never came back!
My DS1 then voted with his feet and moved to his Dad's. Really not an ideal situation in light of the history. He has since been allowed to run feral and has been expelled from school and is at a Pupil Referral Unit (he passed his 11+ with 99% and is now studying car mechanics one and half days per week and not a lot else!)
My unreasonableness relates to bonus DD. Everyone spoils her. People's view is she is the injured party in all of this. Her mother has abandoned her to live up North (moved up there 1/7/13 already planning wedding to new man at Christmas). Mother regularly rings up and screams about the way I run my house - for example, bonus DD has recently had to start getting the bus to school because New Man has a new job (after second period of joblessness) (incidentally job is fab and he has found his spot!). Her best quotable scream was "I don't want another woman bringing up my daughter!" Should have thought of that before you buggered off me thinks! Bonus DD doesn't like the rules in my house - keep it tidy; put your dirty laundry in the basket; clean laundry away; leave bathroom as you found it; don't play loud music to annoy neighbours; turn off unnecessary lights; put your plate and glass in the dishwasher; you cant have your eyebrow pierced; do you homework to the best of your ability; etc. My boys know the rules (they haven't changed in their lifetime) and they know what is expected of them.
My resentment comes from everyone taking Bonus DD's side. Not one member of New Man's family has ever said that I was good to take her in; have ever acknowledged that I've lost my DS1 to make room for her (she is in his bedroom); that my DS2 has had his house invaded by a stroppy hormonal messy teenage girl; New Man's mum has offered to have Bonus DD one night per month so we can have a date night (but we've not had one this year since she promised).
And to cap it all - my Ex has successfully made a CSA claim so now I'm paying for my son to live in a very unsuitable situation.
Feeling really resentful and fed up. Am I being unreasonable?