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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think after 6 yrs of work, my mat leave should be celebratory?

51 replies

auntsugar · 07/04/2014 15:24

First time poster, long time stalker...

I'm going on maternity leave tomorrow. After six years of working at my company - working my way up, making a significant difference to the brand if I do say so myself..., etc - I go on maternity leave tomorrow.

There is no leaving 'do' planned, and on emailing all staff to invite them to a last day lunch/drink at the pub tomorrow, my line manager said she wouldn't be making it. She's busy.

Asked (in my absence) by a colleague whether the company should do anything for my leave, my line manager replied 'Why? She's coming back'.

It could be that I'm 37 weeks pregnant, tired, back-achy and, yes, unreasonable. My work has been perfectly fine regarding my leave entitlements etc (as they are legally required).

But is it unreasonable to expect they'll also be... nice?

OP posts:

OooOooTheMonkey · 07/04/2014 15:26

YANBU. They are mean gits and should have marked the occasion

AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 15:27

That sounds a bit shit. I'd have gone for a nice pub lunch or summat with you.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2014 15:28

Oi ! Maybe they have planned a big party and they are keeping it on the downlow ?

< hopeful >

LaGuardia · 07/04/2014 15:28

When I worked in an office, they surprised me with a buffet lunch, a huge pile of gifts and a (paid for) taxi to the station. You may still yet be surprised.....

rachyconks · 07/04/2014 15:28

My work are exactly the same. I just bought myself some cake and a mini bottle of cava and celebrated myself!

daphnehoneybutt · 07/04/2014 15:29

They might have a surprise planned hopeful

I must admit at our place we tend to buy a gift once the baby is born for the baby and have someone take it along. The whole maternity collection is not the done thing everywhere, unless someone has said they are not coming back....

HauntedNoddyCar · 07/04/2014 15:29

I think you are being a tiny bit U, sorry. I wouldn't expect an event. A card and if you're lucky a collection would be about right.

They might make more of a fuss when you go back!

yourlittlesecret · 07/04/2014 15:30

You are not "leaving" you are taking extended (maternity) leave.
Six years isn't exactly a lifetime service .

I think you are confusing colleagues with friends. I appreciate some may be both but I think you have unrealistic expectations.

TheListingAttic · 07/04/2014 15:30

Hmmm, don't have much experience as to what the norm is, but my first reaction is the same as your manager's: you're coming back, why would they give you a goodbye send off when you'll be back in 4/6/9 months time? (Although it wouldn't kill them to give you a pat on the back and get some cake in....)

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 07/04/2014 15:31

YANBU - I had at least one leaving lunch, present, card, speech and pub drinks with both my PGs as well as personal gifts from colleagues and partners.

Do you have a copy of the ML policy or gift policy? Or do you know what they've done for everyone else?

SelectAUserName · 07/04/2014 15:32

We wouldn't necessarily arrange to go out for lunch or a drink as a matter of course, but if the maternity leaver wanted to or arranged it herself, we would try to make an effort.

However we do always, unfailingly, have a collection and buy some appropriate gifts. The presentation would take place on the mum-to-be's last day so there's still time for them to make a bit of a fuss tomorrow, OP.

Offler · 07/04/2014 15:36

My boss took me for dinner at the Oxo Tower* and had arranged a collection & card (200 of JL vouchers!) before I went on my 1st mat leave. I had worked for him for about 8 years. Had a different boss for 2nd mat leave. He did fuck all in comparison, and barely bothered to contact me while I was off, then tried to get me put on the re-deployee list on my return (against company policy - union had fun with that!)!!

*I was going to say that he took me up the Oxo Tower, but as I know some of you have absolutely filthy minds, I decided not to

ProlificPenguin · 07/04/2014 15:45

I had nothing either, no messages or calls, I don't work in an office, I am field based but still. I asked a passerby to take a photo of Mahoosive bump and me outside the front of the head office building.

I did however get a gift when baby was born. Maybe that's more their style?

Babyroobs · 07/04/2014 15:45

YANBU. When pregnant colleuages go on mat leave at my work place they get thoroughly spoilt with a leaving Tea and a huge hamper full of gifts for mum to be and baby.

Funnyfoot · 07/04/2014 15:54

Some places I have worked go all out for birthdays/mat leave/leaving & retirement.
Others didn't.

Don't take it personally you don't need to see them for quite a few months. Maybe they are waiting until the baby is born to give gifts.

Good luck OP

Snowflakepie · 07/04/2014 15:58

I got nothing at all. My then boss didn't even remember it was my last day despite a number of other more junior colleagues giving me a card and flowers that they'd organised between themselves. I just put it down to him being a nasty arse. But then when Dd was born, it was a fortnight later that some flowers arrived and the card was signed from my previous manager, who was lovely. I knew what I thought of the whole thing tbh. That was the day I realised that 11 years meant very little, and was totally justified in doing exactly what I wanted regarding going back, or not, as actually I was just a number in a very big company. Only got SMP too, they did nothing more than was legally required.

Have some and and enjoy the break before your baby arrives. It will all pale into nothing then.

BackforGood · 07/04/2014 15:58

I think YABabitU too.
You are coming back, just having a few months away.
I wouldn't ever give a present until after the baby was safely here anyway.
If anyone at our work wants to celebrate anything, then they arrange it themselves - if it's important that everyone attends, then they give a lot of notice so people can get it in their diaries.

GrendelsMum · 07/04/2014 16:02

I think different places are very different. We're quite low key - cake brought in by staff member, who'd be given a card at tea time. I was quite taken aback to visit a partner office where they were having a massive do with balloons, presents, speeches, cakes and drinks, etc, but this was the norm for them.

GreenShadow · 07/04/2014 16:03

I wouldn't really expect my work to organise anything. Where I have worked in the past, I would just suggest people come out for a pub lunch and that would be it.

Sparklyboots · 07/04/2014 16:03

I've had two mat leaves at two different places and neither of them blinked as I posted my office key. The second one sent me.some flowers when the baby arrived, and have been sending supportive little come back texts as I hunt around madly for.something else which is good of them as I was actually pregnant when I took the job (interviewed and conceived on the same day, ha ha). The first I had been working there fr five years and no one said.anything before or after I left.

Don't take it personally, OP. It's not a sign of anything except how you can improve the place as a working environment for women when you move back and up.

Ilikepancakes · 07/04/2014 16:48

YANBU we always have a little baby shower (if we think they would enjoy it and first baby only) or lower-key lunch out when somebody goes on maternity leave even though most come back to work six months to a year later. We also send a card round and collect money (with an extra contribution from petty cash) to buy a present. We make an extra effort for long-serving members of staff (6 years is a long time). It's little things like that that make work nicer for everybody.

DidoTheDodo · 07/04/2014 16:55

Maybe they aren't feeling very celebratory as they are worrying about covering your work and missing you while you are away?
I've never made a big fuss of anyone who is coming back. or even those who are leaving permanently,, it happens so often!

PooroldJumbo · 07/04/2014 16:56

My colleagues of eight years didn't even bother to buy me a card when I had my first DC, even though they knew what a long and hard fight I had had to have her. That's when I truly understood that they were colleagues and not friends.

honeythewitch · 07/04/2014 16:58

Unreasonable. You are not leaving. If you want to mark the occasion you could invite everyone out after your last day,perhaps?

RedSoloCup · 07/04/2014 16:59

That's sad OP, I'd been at my workplace 2-3 years and they had a lunch / babyshower thing for me, I wasn't expecting the generosity I received but they were a very child orientated organisation so I think that's partly why, a few years pre-kids I wouldn't have really 'got it' either ....

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