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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think after 6 yrs of work, my mat leave should be celebratory?

51 replies

auntsugar · 07/04/2014 15:24

First time poster, long time stalker...

I'm going on maternity leave tomorrow. After six years of working at my company - working my way up, making a significant difference to the brand if I do say so myself..., etc - I go on maternity leave tomorrow.

There is no leaving 'do' planned, and on emailing all staff to invite them to a last day lunch/drink at the pub tomorrow, my line manager said she wouldn't be making it. She's busy.

Asked (in my absence) by a colleague whether the company should do anything for my leave, my line manager replied 'Why? She's coming back'.

It could be that I'm 37 weeks pregnant, tired, back-achy and, yes, unreasonable. My work has been perfectly fine regarding my leave entitlements etc (as they are legally required).

But is it unreasonable to expect they'll also be... nice?

OP posts:

Lariflete · 07/04/2014 16:59

I didn't get a card when DS was born after I had worked there for 10 years.
I'm now really not bothered if I never go back because that was quite hurtful.

threepiecesuite · 07/04/2014 17:06

In our little team of 12, we throw a fiver each in to get a baby-shower type gift (smellies for mum and a little outfit and teddy) and present it on the last day.
Someone will bring cakes in.
Higher up bosses don't even acknowledge it at all.
I prob wouldn't out after work with colleagues as I don't really do that sort of thing (see enough of 'em at work, not proper friends with any really) but would tell leaver to bring new baby in and would coo over it (love a newborn snuggle, me).

It depends if there are people with families in your team. If there isn't, eg. if they're quite young- they tend not to think on, or appreciate the excitement of a new baby, it's just business as usual. Also, secretly, some folk are a bit jealous at you 'getting all that time off'.

Enjoy your mat leave. I had a year and it was wonderful, absolute bliss.

ElizaDolittle2 · 07/04/2014 17:13

I think you are being a little unreasonable. You aren't leaving you are coming back.

StackALee · 07/04/2014 17:19

I worked for 10 years and then went on maternity leave. The thing that bothered me more was how they just expected me to slip back in after maternity leave with no KIT days.

I did get a surprise gift on leaving but no 'do' and I certainly didn't expect one.

It's not like you are leaving for good.

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/04/2014 17:29

Meals out here are for leaving only. For maternity, the person brings in cakes and a collection is done. So many have babies we would constantly be out!

ilovesooty · 07/04/2014 17:33

We'd do a card and perhaps a fuddle on someone's last day but that's just because we're a small team who like each other. We organise it - it's not a management gesture.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable
It might depend on the size of your team and how close it is but it's not as if you're leaving permanently.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/04/2014 17:45

maternity leave celebrations tend to be done by colleagues rather than the company. do your team generally celebrate significant birthdays, maternity leave etc. if yes yanbu, if they don't generally then yabu.

WooWooOwl · 07/04/2014 17:49

I'd expect a card, but I think YABVU to expect a 'do'. You will be going back, not leaving forever.

Comeatmefam · 07/04/2014 17:49

YABU

It tends to be your friends/close colleagues who buy cards/baby stuff not the company or your boss.

Also I am a very nice boss () but often can't make it to leaving lunches or drinks because I'm busy. I would go over and give you a quick hug and wish you luck but would not feel an ounce of guilt or obligation to to go out for lunch or similar.

Coldlightofday · 07/04/2014 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock · 07/04/2014 17:53

I was with different companies for two maternity leaves. There was no party/tea/ lunch/ pressies when I left to go on mat leave but when the baby was born - the bosses sent flowers & there were vouchers, presents when I took the baby in to see them. Exactly the same with 2 very different workplaces.

bluebeanie · 07/04/2014 19:54

YANBU. I had to share my mat leave lunch (bring your own) with a colleague banging on about her 'baby' (a puppy). The only mention of my impending motherhood was a point at my belly and an 'ouch' comment. Ho hum

WhoNickedMyName · 07/04/2014 20:00

In our place you'd get a gift once your baby was born but also, you'd be expected to being cakes in for everyone on your last day, especially since the team would be absorbing your workload whilst you were on mat leave.

What are you doing for them?

tznett · 07/04/2014 20:12

YABU. Baby card when they hear the good news would be enough I think.

ItsAFuckingVase · 07/04/2014 21:57

I feel your pain! Although being pregnant seems a million years off, never mind maternity, all of my colleagues are men. There will be Fuck all to mark my occasion when it finally happens. Not the end of the world or anything, and I know they care. But still a bit crap anyway.

MamaPain · 07/04/2014 22:13

YABU, I think I'm a nice boss. We don't celebrate maternity leave. I didn't realise it was something to celebrate, I always arrange a collection plus money from the company and send flowers, cards and gifts once the babies born. I'm really surprised, why on earth would anyone celebrate maternity leave?

Before anyone says it I have multiple DC so it's not that I'm young and unfamiiar.

PansOnFire · 07/04/2014 22:24

YANBU, it's not wrong to expect colleagues to give you a bit of a send off and celebrate your impending motherhood. I've lost count of how many contributions I've made to maternity presents and how many maternity leave celebrations I've been to. I went through a hard time and didn't do much for about a year, I was pleasant but stayed out of all celebrations. When I fell pregnant after that year it was like everyone only remembered my quiet year and not the 8 previous years of joining in. I got nothing, no one even mentioned it was my last day. No colleagues visited me whilst I was on maternity leave and only a few ever ask about my DS. I cared for a long time, now I couldn't give a shit. It's certainly saved me a fortune not celebrating any of my colleagues' events :).

Having a baby, weirdly, makes the people around you show their true colours.

SallyMcgally · 08/04/2014 00:40

I got huge, disappeared for some time then came back rather thinner and my boss didn't say a word. Twice. Then I left after 15 years and got no card or anything either. Some places are just shit. They should at least get you a card and present. Think that a staff do might be pushing it a bit.

AlpacaPicnic · 08/04/2014 08:00

We tend to have a 'tea and cakes' send off for the mum-to-be and give her the presents then, on or near her last day. But I work in a very 'older lady' * kind of place so anyone pregnant gets a fuss made over them as everyone wants to be allowed to coo over the little baby when they come back!

*< by which I mean the majority of the staff are now older ladies, grandmothers and one great grandmother! We have more retirement parties than maternity parties!

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 08/04/2014 08:18

It was the way my mat leave was 'handled' that made me realise colleagues are just that and not friends. Others had cards, collections etc. I had nothing. My line manager didn't even bother to tell people DD1 or DD2 had been born - the organisato

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 08/04/2014 08:19

I still feel really upset about it now, and I returned to work two years ago! Unfortunately it has affected our relati

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 08/04/2014 08:21

I still feel really upset about it now, and I returned to work two years ago! Unfortunately it has affected our relationship, though this is also to do with my self esteem, I accept.

Forgettable · 08/04/2014 08:29

Tbh it sounds like the line manager is the fly in your ointment

Enjoy your lunch out with colleagues and best of luck with the pg

Bornin1984 · 08/04/2014 08:29

I was off sick before my mat leave started, I was asked when my tea party was before I went off sick, I didn't want a fuss, they said I had
No choice it was happening! But it didn't Anyway as I was off! I felt it was a bit as they didn't do anything for my 30th but everyone else big birthday had a collection!

Also the manager is known to give all the pregnant ladies a gift she has made, yesterday she told me "my thing was ready for me to pick up" what thing was she talking about? Then I was asked do I want it today or when I give birth? I just felt she was very cats bum about it so i was back with her! That's what happens when your manager doesn't like u and sometimes it can feel very colicky !!

PorkPieandPickle · 08/04/2014 08:32

We went out for lunch on my last day before mat leave. I won't see some of my colleagues for a year- I just assumed this was normal! We do socialise a fair bit tho.

I got a card and flowers, and they did a collection and card when dd was born. I haven't had KIT days but I've been into the office to visit a couw of times and been invited on other lunches.

I didn't think we were 'that' close. But obviously we are compared to some!!

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