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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to moan on here that I'm still not sodding pregnant

58 replies

ChampagneTastes · 07/04/2014 13:15

Fifteen months we've been trying for DC2. My period hasn't started yet but it's due in six days and I'm getting tearful like I always do. We are having sex every other day, I'm almost completely tee total, I'm overweight but am working on it (lost ten pounds since Christmas). It's just shit. Why am I not pregnant? DS needs a sibling dammit!

OP posts:
badidea · 14/04/2014 08:14

Sorry you're in this situation OP. We were 'unexplained' so were 3 years ttc for DS1 and then 20 months ttc for DS2. I also used a clearblue monitor (and have one available if anyone wants to pay the postage!) and while I didn't get pg while using it, I discovered that I ovulated on day 9/10 and not day 12/13 as I thought, so was able to tailor our bonks round about the right time.

You might also want to try SMEP (sperm meets egg plan) you can google for the instructions.

Ultimately though, in both of my cases I fell pg when I had given up hope (and therefore wasn't really thinking it would happen). I can see why people say 'just relax' but when you're getting your monthly reminder that there's no baby, that's (frankly) impossible. 15 month seems like eternity, but really it's not that long.

Stats (on mumsnet) indicate that while 84% of couples ttc will conceive within 1 year, 92% will conceive within 2 years of ttc, so you have a few months to go yet :-)

badidea · 14/04/2014 08:16

OP, i stopped using the monitor after 5 months (couldn't bear getting to 6 months and not being pg) but I used the knowledge of my ovulation window for the rest of the time and I think this helped me conceive DS2 (I didn't have the energy for DTD every second night all month :-D

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/04/2014 08:23

DS1 conceived first month.
DS 2 took two years, clomid and a miscarriage . Planned two year gap turned into a four year gap.
Its horrible, I so wanted a sibling for ds and just cpuldnt understand why it wouldnt happen.
DS3 and DD came along in pretty quick succession so I got my happy ending but OP hugs it does hurt.
P.S the month I got a bfp for ds2 I had EVIL PMT and a small bleed so dont despair thus month.x

Marylou62 · 14/04/2014 09:25

We tried for 18mths for DC2. I feel for you. I had a referral for secondary infertility and knew that if I was given drugs I might put on weight so I started eating healthier and started at a gym. Fell pregnant that month. Don't know about being more relaxed as I don't think I was that stressed in the first place. Could have been that once I got the appt, maybe I did chill a bit. Appt came the morning I tested Positive! Anyway,(after an awful pregnancy) shes 20 now! Sending Good Luck vibes OP.

TheOnlyPink · 14/04/2014 10:09

I got pregnant on the pill with ds1. Decided just after his second birthday to ttc a sibling, thinking it would take no time at all. Months went by, nothing happened, all tests came back normal. "unexplained secondary infertility". Cycle 26 I got a bfp. Only difference that cycle was I ovulated on day ten than day 17.
I know exactly how much you are hurting. Good luck with your doctors appt, hope you can get some answers!!

lessonsintightropes · 14/04/2014 13:11

7 mos into trying for DC1 here. I understand exactly how it feels. Flowers

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 14/04/2014 13:29

It took us four yrs to conceive ds2, who is currently kicking the crap out of his play gym beside me.
It's awful, and people who have not been through it don't understand.
You need to ask for a fertility referral, they should do it without question - the criteria here were that you had been trying for more than 12mo if under 35, 6mo if over 35, and bmi 30 or less.
Good luck, keep up the sex, it does become a bit of a chore :(

JennySense · 14/04/2014 14:05

I had secondary infertility - took 6 yrs, x2 mc and clomid to finally get pg.
No definitive reason but I suspect the adhesions that they removed when the 2nd m/c was a suspected ectopic may have had something to do with it.
Best thing you can do is explain your worries about your uterus and ask for a referral from your GP.
Next, become an expert in your own fertile time - I knew I'd conceived when I went past my cycle's normal luteal phase.
fertilityfriends.co.uk is a great source of help and support - they have a board for secondary infertility.

PreciousPeach · 14/04/2014 14:17

It's a bitch really, I can't offer any hope really as we are urgently 3 yrs and 1 month ttc dc2!!! I have been on clomid, femara, metformin and the only near success ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks before Christmas!

PreciousPeach · 14/04/2014 14:17

Currently not urgently

deakymom · 14/04/2014 15:18

have a drink go on holiday it will happen soon xx there are eight years between my first and my second x

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2014 15:25

A relative has just conceived after a similar amount of time trying for DC1, she had acupuncture according to my Mum.
Not sure exactly how that does the trick though.

Good luck, hope it happens for you OP x

threepiecesuite · 14/04/2014 15:32

Cycle #20 for us, dd is 4.5. She's starting school soon and I'll be completely lost.
All tests normal, period regular as clockwork. Got first appt at fertility clinic in May. We cannot afford ivf so just praying for a miracle really. It's shit isn't it. Thanks for all of us.

threepiecesuite · 14/04/2014 15:33

Oh- I'm 34 and dp is 40.

KEGirlOnFire · 14/04/2014 15:35

25 months and counting here. One DD (nearly 5) and 2 MCs.

Had all the tests (both DH and I) and a Lap & Dye. Nothing wrong with us apparently!!

I'm 40 in June... Sad

softlysoftly · 14/04/2014 15:36

I'm sorry that is shit no personal experience here but 2 bits of totally not scientifically proven advice -

1 - no need to be teetotal all 3 of my DCs (pg with dc3 ) were have been horribly exposed to copious alcohol before I knew it and my mum swears a good bottle of wine got her pg with all 4 of us.

2 - have sex when you are feeling rampant. I firmly believe again all 3 DCs were conceived when I initiated due to getting that niggle. I think it'syour bodies way of saying it's go time!

Ps both of these could be total bollocks but at least you would have a month where you get to shag when you fancy it and get pissed so win - win Grin

SweepTheHalls · 14/04/2014 15:41

I 'm here joining in the moan. 15 months waiting for DS3, yes I know I should (and am ) be grateful for two wonderful boys, but why the hell hasn't it happened? All tests fine, managed to conceive last month, to loose at 5 and a half weeks. Everyone at the mums and tots group I run seems to be falling at the drop of a bloody hat, even the woman whose husband lives in another bloody country is 4 months gone! Grrrrrrrr.

Robbo1961 · 14/04/2014 15:46

We tried for 24 years and didn't get one Then I got cancer and can't have any now. Just be happy you have one!!

frogslegs35 · 14/04/2014 16:19

In a similar boat to you OP so you have my sympathy.
Been trying on and off since 2011 (2012 I had an early MC)
Had tests with normal results done in 2012, 2013 and awaiting results of some recent ones before stepping up the investigations.
I'm almost 36 and already have much older Dc from a previous relationship.

Still hopeful but rapidly losing heart each time AF comes.
Good luck to you and all here that are trying.

slowcomputer · 14/04/2014 16:38

I don't like it as a concept

it works because in reality there are only around 5-7 days a month when you can get pregnant and if you have a lot of sex around that time it does increase the chances. Yes it makes you stressed, but I bet you're that already! Sex every day for a month won't give the sperm a chance to recover and will worsen your chances.

fideline · 14/04/2014 17:45

is it really wrong to do it with him in the room?

There's always the bathroom.

ikeaismylocal · 14/04/2014 19:47

I can only get pregnant when I'm not ttc. Ttc for 2 years,got a date through for ivf, bought all the drugs, had a pre ivf scan where the Dr said I had no chance of ovulating that month. We didn't ttc that month, I had no idea when I ovulated, we had sex but only when we felt like it, drank alcohol and just enjoyed each other.

Ivf was due to start when my period started, my period never came.

I got pregnant with dc2 when ds had just turned one, we didn't intend to have a small age gap and in all honesty assumed we would struggle to ever have another baby, we weren't using contraception but I assumed me breastfeeding ds, my pcos, my fibroids. And heart shaped uterus and dp's slow, oddly shaped sperm would prevent a bfp.

I know that it is often an unpopular opinion but for us relaxing really was the magic formula.

sweepdoesntlikecrowds · 14/04/2014 20:26

Sex every third day and have a few glasses of wine, cocktails even, worked for me. I also read position helps, so that was lots of sex from behind - can't think of a better term for it. Good luck

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 14/04/2014 20:34

I don't like it as a concept

it works because in reality there are only around 5-7 days a month when you can get pregnant and if you have a lot of sex around that time it does increase the chances. Yes it makes you stressed, but I bet you're that already! Sex every day for a month won't give the sperm a chance to recover and will worsen your chances

Exactly. I thought that sex every other day around the time of ovulation was recommended, as it gives the sperm a chance to recover.

somewherewest · 14/04/2014 20:45

^it works because in reality there are only around 5-7 days a month when you can get pregnant and if you have a lot of sex around that time it does increase the chances. Yes it makes you stressed, but I bet you're that already! Sex every day for a month won't give the sperm a chance to recover and will worsen your chances^

That was my experience too. I found the clearblue monitors bloody brilliant. Before we started using them I was a ball of stress two weeks out of every month that we had missed THE DAY. It took me 13 months to conceive DS, using monitors for the last two months. I then conceived within a month using the monitors (sadly ended in miscarriage) and then again within two months (now pregnant).

Our other breakthrough was only DTD doggy style at the relevant time of the month [TMI].