Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep saying no? i dont think i am btw...

55 replies

sexypantsformum · 07/04/2014 08:06

i work term time only. have 3 kids, and a husband who works random shifts.
this half term i have had 3 ''friends'' ask me to ''have their kids to play.''
but each one has said this in a conversation about child care.
things like, i couldn't get x into club for mon and thurs, but you're not working, you don't mind having him over to play for a few hours do you?
or
ive been swapped to the early on monday and i need some help with y youre not working this week are you? can he come to you?
i know paying for child care in holidays is a killer. i have had to do it, which is one of the reasons why i changed my job for a lower paying one that is only in term time.
these are also the people who thought i was mental to take the job, because it was less money etc.
the kicker was the text i had this morning.
A has come down with a bug over night, so i cant send him to club, can he come and spend the day with you instead?
i said no, i have plans with the kids, (and tbh i don't want someone else's ill child to look after)
she then tells me i'm not very supportive, she had mine to play after school last week. and do i not realise how hard it is to be a working mum?!
i got sarky back and said. yes i do realise whats its like to work. i do work and that i didn't know that her offering to have my child over when it suited her meant i owed her a debt, but i thought that having had her boy all day saturday so she could go to a wedding might have paid that back already....
i do have the kids friends over, after school, weekends and holidays. but when it suits me. not as unpaid child care becuase they didn't arrange anything for themselves.
so am i being U?

OP posts:
pookamoo · 07/04/2014 08:07

yanbu

givemeaclue · 07/04/2014 08:08

Yanbu

People need to make proper childcare arrangements and need to stay home if their child is sick.

Stick to your guns

LaurieFairyCake · 07/04/2014 08:08

Yanbu

Should have just said you didn't want your kids to catch the bug, can't believe she'd think it's ok to send an ill kid to you

Walnuss · 07/04/2014 08:08

YANBU, especially to not look after the ill child, how cheeky.

Jaynebxl · 07/04/2014 08:09

I wouldn't have a friend's sick child but I would hwlp on an odd day with childcare if I could make it work without too much disruption and my kids were happy. In fact I do regularly. Then I call on those same people whem I need a favour back. It works really well for us, and my kids are happy to have their friends over.

treaclesoda · 07/04/2014 08:10

yanbu. I'm a sahm, and I willingly help my friends out if I see they have a need, but that's me volunteering. Entirely different if they just saw me as free childcare.

Original poster
sexypantsformum · 07/04/2014 08:11

Jaynebxl
i do have their friends over in the holidays. i arrange it in advance, and fit in with their arrangements, if that means they can manage to not have to use an extra day of paid child care thats great, but ultimately it has to fit in with me, the kids and the husband.

OP posts:
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/04/2014 08:12

I'm a sahm I have never offered up free school holiday care to anyone. I have close friends who I help out sometimes but it is always reciprocated and is usually just the odd hour here and there.

I would not look after someone's sick child whilst mine were at home

BrokenBananaTantrum · 07/04/2014 08:13

YANBU they are being rude. You should not have to look after a sick child and risk catching whatever they have and spoiling your holiday.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 07/04/2014 08:13

YANBU and they are bloody cheeky.

Greythorne · 07/04/2014 08:14

YA def NBU

Branleuse · 07/04/2014 08:14

i think youre being reasonable and assertive. She should have accepted your answer, and now shes just made it awkward

CheesyBadger · 07/04/2014 08:15

Yanbu - very disrespectful of your friend. The main point is the child is ill! How rude!

Mimishimi · 07/04/2014 08:16

YANBU. Just say no unless they can be relied upon for meaningful reciprocal favours (eg when you ask not when they offer to have DC over). I have posted about this a fair bit lately as I too have been getting these requests (our holidays start next week and last two weeks). Quite apart from the fact that we do have things planned, even if we didn't, I usually say no now. Past experience has taught me that the requests become more frequent, the hours of care longer and the reciprocal arrangements, if any, are always when it's convenient for them not for me/us. If someone offered to take my son to school and pick him up every day for a term, only then would I ever consider having their child over every day of the holidays Grin.

Greythorne · 07/04/2014 08:17

When you are a SAHM, there is even more pressure.

And she was incredibly rude to come back about a previous time she had looked after your kids.

Working in a term time only job often means less pay, less status, fewer perks but the upside is that you manage your own children's holidays exactly as you wish.

AveryJessup · 07/04/2014 08:20

Among my friends we will sometimes do one another a favour like this and take each other's child for an hour or two so we can go to a doctor's appointment at short notice or something but none of us would ever contemplate asking for a favour like that if our child is ill. What is she thinking, asking you to take her sick child? If her child had a sprained arm or something it's one thing but a bug that your DC could catch? No way.

So YANBU.

NotQuitePerfect · 07/04/2014 08:20

Definitely YANBU. Well done for sticking to your guns!

Helenagrace · 07/04/2014 08:21

YANBU I work from home all the time. I get lots of requests for child care in the holidays "because you're at home". I am at home but I AM WORKING!

Teachers strike too! I got quite a few requests then.

I took a huge pay cut to do this job purely because of the flexibility and I didn't do it to be offering free childcare for other people.

As for asking you to take an ill child - well that's just outrageous!

Groovee · 07/04/2014 08:21

YANBU. I have a term time only job. I help a friend out in the summer who has children the same age as my 2, 2 days a week. The kids get on really well, aren't in the same classes, so enjoy their time together. But she always says if it's not ok, then she will be fine with it. I quite enjoy it but I have had others in the past try to get me to have their children and I've said no. I don't mind the odd day but when they want me to do it for free, feed their child and take them on days out with no offer of money to cover a lunch out or entry to the plac we are visit.

And there is no way I'd have sick children!

JRmumma · 07/04/2014 08:21

Do they not understand that when you work term time, school holidays are essentially your annual leave? Bet they wouldn't look after your child using their annual leave.

fuzzpig · 07/04/2014 08:23

No YANBU.

I am new to the whole needing holiday childcare thing (literally new, today is the first day :o) but I'd never just assume that a friend would look after them!

HoobleDooble · 07/04/2014 08:23

I wouldn't expect anyone to have my DS if he was ill, why would you want your kids possibly catching something and being poorly for the rest of the holidays?

We do rely on our retired parents a bit during the school holidays, wouldn't have the brass neck to ask my friends. YANBU

shakinstevenslovechild · 07/04/2014 08:23

Yanbu at all.

I work from home and I have had random people at the school ask me to have their kids on various in service days, strike days etc.

I don't mind as much when friends ask as they happily do favours for me, and if I say no for whatever reason they are fine about it, but I would definitely draw the line at having a sick child over for the day.

Martorana · 07/04/2014 08:24

I suppose it depends. If my kid liked their kid and if I didn't have other plans then I would say yes. Why would you say no "on principle" when it helped someone else out and wasn't inconvenient to you?

NoodleOodle · 07/04/2014 08:26

YANBU