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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious that exH gave the mother's day card dd made me to his gf?

51 replies

PuffyPigeon · 06/04/2014 21:01

Have posted about exH keeping hold of dds uniform, coat etc after collecting her from school for his ccontact weekends. He was EA to me and likes to keep things so I'll have to ask for them back/so I have the prospect of him possibly dropping in whenever he feels like to return said items.

More recently he's been keeping other things. For example, dds class were studying dinosaurs and dd had her dinosaur encyclopedia, teddy and walking with dinosaurs programme in the 'dinosaur area' at school. They returned these things of one of the Fridays he collected her, and they've never returned home. Another week there was a thank you letter for some charity fundraising dd and I did for the school which dd now says is on his fridge for him to pretend he did it with her Angry

There was a certificate and medal for a sporting competition which I helped her train for, took her to all the practices for, took a day off and travelled to take her to, sat watching for three hours with toddler in tow. He was on annual leave but didn't come. He has kept the medal and certificate and told his parents and gf he was there.

Last week dd was saying she'd made me a mother's day card at school. She described it but said she couldn't find it and was upset. Turns out it'd gone home in her book bag on the Friday he collected her. Tonight when I went to pick dd up it was displayed in his front window. I asked about it and he said he'd assumed it was for his gf...!

Aibu to be furious that he keeps doing this and to want it to stop now?

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 06/04/2014 21:03

Yanbu, how horrible of him Shock

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 06/04/2014 21:05

He's a complete bastard. You might like to point out to him how much these things will hurt DD when she is old enough to truly understand what is going on

So, he can either act decently or continue to be an über cunt. But it is his relationship with DD that will suffer

ManateeEquineOHara · 06/04/2014 21:05

Ya Totally nbu. You need to discuss with the school perhaps that things that go home on these days don't reach you. Ideally you need to discuss with him but I'm not sure he sounds reasonable?

eddielizzard · 06/04/2014 21:05

wow. that is the lowest of the low. what an utter prick.

as to how you stop it... i've got no ideas.

AmberLeaf · 06/04/2014 21:05

What a wanker.

YANBU

adoptmama · 06/04/2014 21:06

He sounds like a total tool :(

Can you speak to the school, explain something of what is going on and ask that things they need/expect/want you to see they send home during the week and not on a Friday where he has custody?

As for the other stuff, pretending he was at events etc. - he will not fool anyone for very long. Maybe his parents might fall for it once or twice, but as soon as they ask your DD and she says her dad wasn't there they will be rumbled.

hiddenhome · 06/04/2014 21:06

Could you have a word with the school and ask them to hang onto things that you'll need to see?

He sounds like a right passive aggressive twat.

My ex partner kept ds1's baptism certificate even though he's an out and proud atheist Hmm They just do it to be nasty and stake some claim imo.

Pommes · 06/04/2014 21:06

OP, no advice but my goodness, what a twit. YANBU.

gordyslovesheep · 06/04/2014 21:06

can you not ask school not to send things home with him?

HumphreyCobbler · 06/04/2014 21:07

bloody hell that is LOW

LouiseAderyn · 06/04/2014 21:07

Talk to the school and ask them to not send things home with dd but to hand them to you directly.

The only other thing I can suggest is not letting her wear anything expensive on days that she goes to her dad's and maybe get some legal advice. He sounds like a total shit - what sort of prick gives his gf a mother's day card from your dd. Don't let him see that you are upset because that's what he wants.

IAmNotAMindReader · 06/04/2014 21:07

I don't know how you can address this without him thinking its a case of sour grapes on your part, but this is starting to damage his relationship with his daughter if things she partakes in and does that she means to go to you are squirrelled away by him for his GF.
She is not stupid she will see them and her heart will sink like it already has done and each time he does it, it will make her think a little less of him.

Ratbagcatbag · 06/04/2014 21:08

I'd absolutely have a quiet word with the teacher and just explain anything that should come home on a Friday, can they please leave for a Monday as otherwise it never comes back and upsets dd. what a shit. :(

Koothrapanties · 06/04/2014 21:09

Sorry to use the word but he is an utter cunt. My god I am so angry on your behalf.

Just remember that your dd knows who was there and who she made the card for. She knows that you are her mum not stbx's gf.

I don't know what else to advise because entering into this piece of shit's games only gives him more power.

Smo2 · 06/04/2014 21:09

Quiet word with school, I agree.

My ex behaves in , Much the same way xx

Scaredycat3000 · 06/04/2014 21:10

In a the future when your dd is an adult she will look back at all the things he has done. She is seeing it with her own eyes, she will remember when Daddy gave that woman who she hasn't seen in many years the card she had made you and how he kept her things and wouldn't let her take them home. This is a long game he is getting into which he won't ultimately win. Try and remain the calm, he's making his own future without your daughter at the moment.

YoungBodyOldHead · 06/04/2014 21:10

Im speechless!!

And that is a record for me

DameFanny · 06/04/2014 21:12

I thought after your other thread you were going to stop contact until it can be supervised only? Is there something stopping you doing that? What did Children's Services say when you talked to them?

Original poster
PuffyPigeon · 06/04/2014 21:13

It's difficult because dd has SN and as such hates being different from her classmates so she wouldn't like it if everyone else got to take home their cards but she didn't, and I think that's fair enough really. The sad thing is she believes anything he tells her so he told her he was at her competition, but she just didn't see him Hmm It was a bloody massive achievement for her to get that certificate and medal and knowing him he won't even keep it safe Sad

OP posts:
CoolCadbury · 06/04/2014 21:14

I remember your last thread on this. Your ex is utterly vile.

On a practical note, you need to speak to school about not sending things home on a Friday in her book bag. Put it in writing if you have to. It's no biggie to make sure DD gets stuff either on Thursday or on Monday.

needaholidaynow · 06/04/2014 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoolCadbury · 06/04/2014 21:14
  • its no biggy for the school, I mean.
Original poster
PuffyPigeon · 06/04/2014 21:16

Regarding food, dame? Childrens services weren't particularly helpful to be honest. Because I've never seen her be sick and because she'll now deny it as he's told her to it doesn't seem there's much they can do. Hecan say 'I'm just a weekend dad, treating my beloved dd' and childrens services/the courts buy that.

OP posts:
AlpacaYourThings · 06/04/2014 21:17

Shocking! What an utter shitbag.

Agree with Louise ask the school if they can hand things like this to ou instead.

ICanSeeTheSun · 06/04/2014 21:18

Is this a court ordered contact, if not then do the hand over at your home.

This way you get to keep all these achievements safe.

Well Done to your DD on the achievements