Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my "boyfriend" to fuck off home?

83 replies

ItsBritneyBitch · 06/04/2014 12:55

He's been here over a week. I don't like it. I need my space.

He shits 4 times a day (yes!) leaves the toilet seat up, uses my milk and tea bags, "Borrows" my fags, lounges across my sofa stays up all night watching music channels and sleeps in til now! Eats all my food and farts all the time. Hmm

I wouldn't mind but he doesn't work so never replaces anything! His fucking iPad is constantly on charge and he leaves all the lights and TVs on too!

I want him to leave but I don't know how to say it. I'm such a bitch on here I no but not like that in real life!

(P.s he's the father of my child too)

I don't know if this is light hearted or not Confused

So Am I BU to ask him politely to fuck off please?

OP posts:
Nomama · 06/04/2014 13:15

Look Britney, he annoys you. Out he goes. He is living off you. He is a twonk. One sentence:

Sorry sweetheart, it ain't working. Out you go. Bye.

phantomnamechanger · 06/04/2014 13:16

seriously - get rid asap before this becomes your "normal" and like loads of women on here you end up looking back in a few years wondering why on earth you put up with it so long. It does not sound like a healthy relationship. He appears to have no redeeming features. He is using you and expecting you to run around after him while he contributes nothing at all. He is disrespecting you and your home.

Nomama · 06/04/2014 13:16

I really do appreciate that when I added the fullstops for emphasis that became 3 sentences... but it only dawned as I pressed the button Blush

Blu · 06/04/2014 13:17

You need to be clear and direct about separate two things;

  1. When at your house he needs to respect your space and you. Behave like a civilised human being, pull his weight, do his share, contribute to the household. Have a serious conversation: tell him how it feels to be taken for granted and to be subjected to slobby ways on your own hoe and considered not to matter enough to be treated to common courtesy (e.g not be farted at)
  1. That it is your space and sometimes you need your space. More so if he cannot understand and co-operate with 1.

Get all thoughts of being a 'bitch' out of your mind - these are more than reasonable requests. Don't have such negative views of yourself for wanting to be treated with a minimal amount of respect!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2014 13:17

Give him the boot, even he grows up or stays like a little boy, either way, you can move on with your own life, without the emotional vampire dragging you down.

Dont be working hard for your law degree, and get a great career to have some twat riding on your coat tails.

Original poster
ItsBritneyBitch · 06/04/2014 13:18

I'm so weak in RL though Hmm

Ill say that then he'll start putting sad and depressing posts on Facebook! It's actually rather funny to see.

I have to leave though don't I. He's like the girl and I'm the guy In The relationship he's very needy and clingy too!

I'm really not selling him here am I lol

OP posts:
gymboywalton · 06/04/2014 13:20

'he's like the girl and i'm like the guy' Hmm
bit insulting to women don't you think?

relationships are supposed to be nice for the majority of the time you know? otherwise what's the point?

Goldmandra · 06/04/2014 13:21

He thinks I'm having a go if I ask him to put the toilet seat down!

No he doesn't. He acts like he thinks you're having a go in order to prevent you from doing so again.

He has no respect for you.

You have three choices.

You can tell him to leave because he is bringing nothing to your relationship.

You can allow him to continue to bully you into letting him take advantage of you by deliberately over-reacting when you ask him to show some consideration and make a contribution.

You can start challenging his behaviour in a pleasant way, e,g. asking him to put the toilet seat down out of respect for you and your child, not some imaginary friend, and continue to do so in the face of his childish reactions in the hope that he will grow up a bit and become a worthwhile partner.

I would recommend the first.

The next time you think you need to make up a friend in order to get him to show some respect, ask yourself why that friend deserves more respect than you or your DC.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2014 13:21

Nope, you arent and hes using emotional blackmail to keep you in line, if he starts crying, he knows it works, so he'll keep doing it.

Hes laughing in his head at you.

gamerchick · 06/04/2014 13:22

Wake him up and tell him you have company coming and he needs to go home for a bit.

Then ring him later on and tell him to stay there.

Original poster
ItsBritneyBitch · 06/04/2014 13:23

Sorry Didn't mean to offend I mean by my past relationships. The guys would always take the lead and I liked that. But have to do that now and i find it hard work.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 06/04/2014 13:23

You are enabling his dependency and allowing yourself to be walked all over, so either keep the sulky brat you had sex with and understand that that's what he is, or dump him.
I'm hoping 'The Relationship' is a film reference, because otherwise no, girls are not moody, needy, parasitic and petulant.
Neither are boys decisive and independent. Those are stereotypes.

ilovesooty · 06/04/2014 13:24

Just tell him he's a waste of your time and you can do better - on your own. I don't know why you're letting him manipulate you.

You need to develop some assertiveness and self respect by the sound of it.

MaryWestmacott · 06/04/2014 13:24

If you want to be nice about it "look [cocklodger], we're still at the early stages of being back together, I just feel like you've moved back in like nothing's happened. Can we go back to you living at [his mums?] and we can date? You've been here 4days and it's too much like we're drifting into living together, and I'm not ready for that yet. Best you go back to [other living option]."

Keeps your options open if you're just feeling grumpy, make him realise he's still got to win you back. You can have a think about what you want from him and why you want him back.

I know a couple who dated but lived in separate homes for 20 years, this was mainly forced by the fact that they were both the resident parent in two divorced couples and it didn't work blending the two families for various reasons, but they found it really hard living together when they finally did, they were clearly better suited to dating with the occasional overnight than being a couple - both really need their own space and still holiday separately.

NMFP · 06/04/2014 13:25

I suspect his mum is sending him over to you in the hope that he'll man up and be a dad to his child. If he was my son I'd be mortified.

CoffeeTea103 · 06/04/2014 13:25

Why did you choose him in the first place.

Original poster
ItsBritneyBitch · 06/04/2014 13:26

Have done that Gamerick! And will call him later too.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/04/2014 13:27

Coffee I was wondering. Perhaps he's great in bed or something.

Goblinchild · 06/04/2014 13:27

If you've explained to him what you find hard to live with, in bullet points, then he has a choice. He knows what needs to change.
So he changes and grows up a bit, or he leaves.

But what's the betting you'll be around in a year, still complaining about the same behaviour from him?

Odaat · 06/04/2014 13:33

Ok so he must be hung like a donkey...

Goblinchild · 06/04/2014 13:37

And stunningly handsome, so she's thinking that she couldn't possibly do any better?
Come to thinkof it, I knew a lad who made a living out of being a gigalo. Looked good, fascinating conversationalist and thanks to his ladies, beautifully turned-out. Complete drone.

JuniperHeartwand · 06/04/2014 13:38

You sound pretty young OP. Life's too short!

Get rid, concentrate on enjoying your mat leave and doing well in your degree.

honeythewitch · 06/04/2014 13:39

I am confused about him "using your tea and milk"

What is he supposed to do? Bring his own?
If you begrudge him the odd PG tips after a week it's not looking good!

withextradinosaurs · 06/04/2014 13:41

I think the point is he never replaces them.

GemmaPomPom · 06/04/2014 13:41

Ok so he must be hung like a donkey…

Ha ha! Don't tell canny Grin

Seriously, I would give him a chance. Sit him down, pour him a drink, be nice, tell him you want him to stay (if that is indeed what you want), then show him the list of House Rules. Keep it to about 10. Stick it on the fridge.

House Rules:

  1. Toilet seat down always.
  2. No public farting.
  3. TV off at midnight….

Blah, blah… he'll probably just go running back to where he came from, though. But then would that be a bad thing?