DS's best friend's mum has said she doesn't want her to play with DS any more.

[CruCru]

This is probably a bit more of a WWYD than an AIBU. DS (2.5) plays with a little girl who he met at a playgroup. Her nanny and my nanny hit it off and they have been meeting for playmates etc for about a year. I have met her parents once, at his birthday party, and have exchanged texts with the mum but don't know them well.

I invited this girl and his nanny round next week and the nanny has said that she is really sorry but the mum doesn't want her to organise playmates with DS. She said that DS is a bad influence and the girl misbehaves after seeing him. She said that she is going to try to change the mum's mind.

I am so, so sad about this. DS and this girl really like each other. I would understand if he was hitting / pushing / biting / being unkind but he isn't doing any of those things.

My understanding is that the mum is fairly extreme in some of her views (so her daughter is not allowed to do quite a few things) but I don't want to go too much into that here.

What (if anything) should I do?

Accept it, move on.

Other mother is a tit

Do you think the nanny is telling the truth? Only way to find out is to give the mum a call.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be miffed that your son has been labelled as a bad influence at the age of 2.5yrs However, you are being unreasonable not to see this as the perfect opportunity to run away from having to deal with an incredibly high maintenance relationship. This woman has issues except this and move your son on to healthier pastures, at this age he will not be upset at the 'friendship' cooling off.

Either the nanny is lying or the mother is being ridiculous. Either way I would let it go. He is 2.5. He may ask about her once or twice but beyond that he is unlikely to be that bothered.

I do believe the nanny. It is sad but I just need to make sure that DS has other buddies to run around with.

It sounds arsey but she is going to get a fucking fright when her daughter goes to school - even if it is a posh private school.

Sorry, I have now had some wine.

Now you're drunk you should tell us some things that the other mother has banned. I always enjoy those lists.

Another hysterical mother.

Bad influence at 2???

She sounds a stuck up prick. If someone thought that about my son I'd want nothing to do with them anyway

What reup said.

Yes, I agree with reup, too. You know it won't go any further..... Here, have another sip of

I'll tell you my fave mad mother story. A friends cousin had a baby went back to work part time. Baby looked after by her mother. One day a week the mother met her aunt. They took the baby to a class/activity then had lunch. The baby's mother banned this as it meant the grandmother was not fully focusing on her child.

I have another. Different family. They don't ban or limit TV in their houseby hour per day but they only let the kids watch it every other week. They would never be able to keep up with plots of dramas.

People are judging this woman on the basis of what her nanny is telling other people about her.

Op has said that she has only met the mother once, but that she has the impression from the nanny that there are some clashes between the mother and the nanny.

Yet the opportunity thinks the nanny is 'excellent'....

Am I the only person who thinks that actually she's not - she's unprofessional talking about her employer and conversations that they have had and giving away enough information that it becomes apparent that there are clashes between mother and nanny?

She sounds gossipy, I'd be taking everything she says with a shovel of salt.

It's more that things come out when it affects the kids when they are playing together. For instance, she has put the girl on a diet (she is NOT fat) and she isn't allowed any snacks, not even a banana.

Maybe the Nanny has fallen out with your and is using it as an excuse?

My nanny would have told me if they'd fallen out, I'm sure.

I'd just count it as a lucky escape! Either the other mother is a bit odd, or the nanny is...either way your ds is young enough to make more friends, this sounds more hassle than it's worth.

don't get involved. let it go.

find other playdates for your little boy.

Omfg. A two year old shouldn't be on a diet!

Unless it was recommended by a doctor for medical reasons but even then I'm sure a banana would be considered a good snack?

I have now gone from being sad to enraged. DS is not responsible for anyone else's behaviour. This woman is a nutcase and I feel sorry for her daughter.

I used to be a nanny, and I remember one employer in particular who went through 3 nannies in about 4 - 5 months, she was batshit crazy. She would read lots of books on child development, but she quite clearly didn't understand what she was reading, start quoting them but be contradicting herself IYSWIM. My years of studying and experience of this age group meant nothing to her (yet she explicitly asked agency for qualified and experienced )

What I am trying to say is your DS's friend's mum clearly doesn't understand how children of this age work and no amount of trying to reason with her will work - she doesn't want to know.

Think of your blood pressure, don't get enraged just pity her - she's in for a massive shock as her DD grows up.

Your DS is only 2.5, why are you even stressing about him having "best friends" and "other buddies to run around with"? Children that age only play alongside others, they don't effectively play WITH other children until they're around 4 years old.

Your DS will have no memory of this girl if he stops seeing her, you're projecting adult sensibilities onto a toddler.