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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very angry ...

36 replies

lemonstartree · 04/04/2014 11:00

Would this upset you and what would you do?

I employed a 'housekeeper' about 6 weeks ago. She does 18 hours a week from 12 to 6 three days a week. - to clean, iron, etc To take care of the dog and be there for the kids when they get back from school , on the days that I am at work

so - I have some issues with her work, and she is very needy - lots of calls and text's to me at work about things that could either wait or I don't really need to know about, BUT nothing awful

However, yesterday evening DS2 (11) says to me "X thinks you all really mean to DS1 (15) and don't treat him right" ; DS3 (9) chimes in " She thinks DH doesn't treat the dog properly and is cruel to her putting her in the crate"

NOW .... DS1. Yes at times the atmosphere is awful - but she obviously has NO idea what is going on. DS1 is stealing, lying and is in trouble for shoplifting, and in BIG trouble at school this week. I did tell her DS1 had some issues (so she could keep an eye on her handbag) but not about all the other things (and there is more, much more that I haven't put on here - involvement with drugs etc) . My issue is not that she thinks I am mean to DS1, but that she tells my eleven year old son that.....

and the dog ? That dog is pampered and adored. We do use a crate. And we do put her in there when she bites. Its part of a strategy we have been taught at puppy training and is not cruel. Again, if she thinks DH is cruel, discuss it with US not with a 9 year old.

I am steaming. Am I being unreasonable, and WWYD

OP posts:
Yambabe · 04/04/2014 11:02

sack her, you don't need a stirrer like this in your life.

rabbitlady · 04/04/2014 11:02

finish her and get another. she's never going to understand boundaries.

Ploppy16 · 04/04/2014 11:04

Get rid. She's not just overstepping boundaries she's blasted straight through them!
YANBU.

Littledidsheknow · 04/04/2014 11:06

WWID? I'd get rid of her, lemon. If she's talking like that to your children (which is bad enough), she'll be saying similar things to other people too.
I have a problem teenager too and don't think I'd be able to tolerate comments like those; it's such a heartbreaking and worrying situation. Get rid of her. In short YANBU

MoominIsEightNinthsManatee · 04/04/2014 11:12

"finish her"

Seems a bit OTT, I'd just let her go...

Cluffyflump · 04/04/2014 11:16

Lol @ 'finish her'!
I'm seeing the op as a masked, Mexican wrestler!

I would give her notice. You don't need all that.

Doshusallie · 04/04/2014 11:21

At the very least she is being extremely unprofessional.

ChelworthBrond · 04/04/2014 11:21

Get rid of her sharpish!

Beastofburden · 04/04/2014 11:30

It sounds as if she is someone who is trying to be part of the family, as it were, rather than a professional. Is she a highly paid professional, or is she just an ordinary woman who is doing this for the first time?

She may not realise she has overstepped the boundaries. I think it would be reasonable to sit down with her and discuss how things are going after these first six weeks. She may want to talk about all the "needy" stuff where you feel she can take responsbility herself for resolving issues, and she is still checking with you every time; and you may want to talk about the areas which are your territory and off-limits to her, which include welfare of animals and children.

Being angry is not really the point. It's about briefing her.

Original poster
lemonstartree · 04/04/2014 11:46

she is a middle aged woman who has done this job before. The needy stuff I can cope with, being judged annoys me but I can accept it - we are having a very very stressful time with DS1 and I am sure we are not perfect - but I don't think i can accept her slagging me off to the other children ... The more I think about it the more upset I am. My own mother wouldn't do that, nor anyone else in the family who is involved. She has known us for SIX weeks.

she has to go

I think it will be hard as I know she needs the job, but I don't trust her any more

OP posts:
Bloodyholly · 04/04/2014 11:50

Has she said this directly to your DC or has he overheard her talking on the phone or something? Not that either are a forgivable.

Original poster
lemonstartree · 04/04/2014 11:54

directly to the DC.

And; 'X (DH) really doesn't like me because I broke a picture' ... which is a) not true and b) forces the kids to defend DH's behaviour. He was pissed off with her when she knocked a picture off the wall and smashed it. but not VERY pissed off and only for that one day

all wrong....

OP posts:
jeee · 04/04/2014 12:02

Look, the work relationship (and that's the only relationship you have with her, right?) has obviously completely broken down, so just end it.

Be polite, but clear - and I think she does need/deserve an explanation of why you no longer wish her to work for you.

Viviennemary · 04/04/2014 12:09

She is supposed to be making your life easier not more difficult. I'd just say it's not working out and then look for somebody else.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 04/04/2014 12:17

I would have a chat to her rather than taking child's word as verbatim.

ENormaSnob · 04/04/2014 12:23

Shes gotta go...

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 04/04/2014 12:23

Sack her. For the annoying calls & texts alone.

It's all a bit 'hand that rocks the cradle' for me.

WooWooOwl · 04/04/2014 12:34

I agree with the others, sack her.

She's supposed to be supportive of your family, not a critical shit stirrer. She is unprofessional and not doing her job properly, so she needs to go.

LadyRabbit · 04/04/2014 12:41

I would talk to her first, see how she responds and explain your concerns. Don't just sack her, give her a chance. In most other jobs you get a probation period - why not say a fortnight and then if things don't improve you can ask her to leave. If you have a good chat with her you may find you get an ally as well as a member of staff.

It's a tricky one with people who work in one's home. Yes, you need boundaries, but sometimes it's important to allow the boundary to blur within reason.

Try that before you go in all guns blazing and then have to go through the process of finding someone all over again.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 04/04/2014 12:53

Speaking to her, runs the risk of her quietly seething & potentially getting her own back. She could be invading your privacy, sabotaging things or contaminating food for instance if she had the hump.

Comeatmefam · 04/04/2014 12:57

I think you've got bigger problems than a gossipy housekeeper by the sounds of things.

Gruntfuttock · 04/04/2014 12:57

Terminate her.

By which I mean - introduce her to him

ProlificPenguin · 04/04/2014 13:01

I agree with the get rid comments, a quiet word won't stop her talking to other people or interfering. Get another housekeeper first though, see if you can get one recommended by a friend?

I love the idea of her hours and role though, I might do the same when my lo's start school. Great idea and hopefully I won't get her!!

ProlificPenguin · 04/04/2014 13:03

A very odd post, I think the OP realises that herself, this however is about the housekeeper.

ProlificPenguin · 04/04/2014 13:04

Last comment was directed at comeatmefam.