to be fucked off with ny 4yr olds behaviour?

[Polarn]

Ive had enough of him telling me and dh that he doesn't like us, he hates us, we smell, he doesnt want to be part of our family.... These outbursts mainly come out when we've asked him not to do something he shouldn't, or when we have to do something he doesn't want to do (like leave the park) Most of the time he's a nice boy and I've always just brushed the comments off as he's only 4 and doesn't understand what he means. But it's becoming increasingly harder to deal with this hatred as it's happening more and more often and lasting longer.

I've got to the point were I don't want much to do with him. I am not enjoying him that's for sure :(

Yes to the love bombing here and also the reverse attitude...

DS4 I don't like you mummy, I want daddy
Me oh dear, daddy's at work and I love you lots still
DS4 but I hate you mummy
Me I know darling, but it's just us at the mo, do you want a hug?
DS4 yes please mummy or similar

4 yr olds are hard work...they are all ready to be independent and push the boundaries but at the same time the world is a big scary place and the only place it's safe for them to throw the attitude around is at home. Generally I manage to stay calm but I did shout at him and his little friend today after an entire afternoon of arguing about nothing.

4 year olds are definitely hard work and it is all about pushing boundaries. in his head its all about do you really love him no matter what? what if I say the most hurtful thing I can will she still love me then? and of course you do and its difficult but really hes just making sure that you really, really are still there for him. keep calm. have a stock of replies all ready. as in really darling that's nice. or as others have said oh well there we go then, shall we do something else now. by having a standard reply that you trot out each time he will get bored of this and it will stop. only of course to restart when he is a teenager, you are ruining his life, you have no idea what being young is about and in fact all his friends mothers are far nicer/slimmer/better cooks/more sympathetic than you. DC did this the other day. and I went into 4 year old mode reply "really DC. and then what happened" DC laughed their heads off as they remembered how I always use to say this to them when they were young.

I still remember that impotent rage of being about that age and just feeling furious about something to the extent that there was literally nothing anyone could say or do to make me feel better. I think sometimes they do just need to have a good cry or a bit of time on their own to let the rage dissipate, but offering a hug first is an option that at least lets them know that you not only love them out of duty but actively want to show them affection even when they are at their most maddening, which they do understand to some extent.

Is there any way you can reduce any other sources of stress in your life, even temporarily? Only I can be Supernanny calm and collected when I am well rested and don't have a deadline but when he is running around naked and I am already late I find it impossible to be bright and breezy, even though I know it makes things a lot easier for both of us.