Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start TTC ( DD is one)

61 replies

Odaat · 03/04/2014 19:13

All my family seem to think it is too early / mad etc etc
We are financially able and in a good relationship. I wish to get back to making a career for myself in next few years ...
I also desire dc close in age as I feel in the long run it will be benificial.

I just feel like yet again I am questioning my decision as my family are really not encouraging it (i have my dd vast majority of time, she is rarely babysat by any family).

Is it really so mental to start ttc when dc is one?
AIBU to not really see the issue between now and say two years doing it (to me that is just dragging everything out)

OP posts:
Totesamazeballs · 03/04/2014 20:11

I will let you know! DC1 is 23 months and DC2 is under a week!

thebody · 03/04/2014 20:16

it's not really your families business is it?

will they be watching to make sure you don't get up to anything? strange. Grin

my older dss were 16 months apart, had an eight year gap and had 2 dds 16 months apart.

best of both worlds, both sets are very very close and the older lads adore their sisters.

older one 24 now home for a while, is currently helping dd 15 with her science homework.

emeraldgirl1 · 03/04/2014 20:18

oooh thanks for starting this topic OP, I am just starting to think about ttc again (DD is 13 months). I too want a narrow-ish age gap between siblings (if we're lucky enough to have another) as though i think the early years must be tough, I think siblings do benefit from closeness in age. My DSis left it 4 years and it's not a great age gap from what I can see, the older boy and younger girl are like two totally different entities as they can't do any activity together and it looks EXHAUSTING in a different way.
Also I am almost 38 so if we want another we can't wait long.
BUT I hardly dare suggest it to DH. We'd struggle finiancially and we are barely starting to get back to anything like a normal married life after the whilrwind of DD (she is a non-sleeper and High Maintenance at best...)
Sorry to hi jack your thread OP but does anyone have good stories of narrow gaps for me to persuade DH with...?
(Also we have only had sex 3 times in 12 months so not sure how we're going to manage this... :)

PumpkinPie2013 · 03/04/2014 20:20

YANBU - it's up to you and your dh/dp when you decide to ttc.

I know someone who has a 12 month gap! Very hectic initially but now they are 4 and 3 and have a fantastic relationship and are more independent.

FWIW a larger gap can also work. My dbro is 5 years older than me and I am 4 years older than my dsis (so 9 years between dbro and dsis!)

We were extremely close as children and remain so as adults.

Good luck ttc x

TippiShagpile · 03/04/2014 20:21

I have 12 months between my two. Best thing I ever did.

However, would never have discussed our decision to crack on with ttc. No one else's business tbf.

wrapsuperstar · 03/04/2014 21:07

Completely your choice, so YANBU -- only you know what is right for your family and everyone else should butt out. Wink

A very small gap wasn't for us. My fertility only just returned when DD was about 18 months; we then got 'surprise' pregnant shortly after and now DD will have a sister in June, when she is about 28 months. Still too small a gap for my liking, and if it hadn't been for carelessness would've left it as a 3-4 year gap if indeed we'd opted for another at all. That said, as things progress it is something we as a family are all looking forward to. Good luck!

Original poster
Odaat · 03/04/2014 21:27

Thanks for all the positive replies. We dont own our own home and only have a 2 bedroom house so dd and new dc would have to share, dont know of this would work. Obv the new baby would be in with us for 6 months or so, but after they would go into dds room. Does anyone else's dc's share at this young an age? Is the night waking and waking eachother an issue? Dd stopped waking though night as much once she hit 6 months and rarely does now.

Also I am to blame as I am not confident enough in my decisions so family prob feel they are justified to give heir opinions as 'help' - they mean well , I'm sure.

Dh is set to start earning a lot more money (hopefully) so we could always move house anyways if need be.

I often worry of I am depriving my dd of her baby and toddler time by ttc another. Is it selfish? But I suppose any time would be?

OP posts:
bedraggledmumoftwo · 03/04/2014 21:49

My dd1 just turned two and loves her sister to bits, sometimes a bit too enthusiastically! She also now loves playing with dolls and feeding/ changing their nappies. Sometimes she does get jealous that i cant cuddle her if I'm holding or feeding the baby, but i wouldn't say shes missing out on toddlerhood. If i hadn't had her sister i would be working full time and she would be at nursery, as it is she gets more time at home with mummy, even if she does have to share!

ViviDeBeauvoir · 03/04/2014 21:56

22.5 months between each of my 3 and even though they're all still small (eldest is 5) it's fab!

One small piece of advice - don't tell anyone when you're TTC as you'll get lots of comments/unsolicited advice!
Good luck Wink

Tinpin · 03/04/2014 22:36

Mine are now 23,21 and 19. They have always been great friends . I love their interaction.

toobreathless · 03/04/2014 23:14

I have 23 months between mine and am now letting nature decide for us if we have a third and when. DD2 is 12 months this week.

It works for us. DD1 does not remember life without her younger sister and they are so, so close. We have not had any problems with jealously either.

MrsDarylDixon · 03/04/2014 23:43

Do it! 20 months between mine and it's grand
They bicker now and then but mostly they are very close. Watching them in the park the other day as a proper little duo made me tear up.

I think bigger age gaps are harder. Both at different developmental stages, how will they ever have anything in common?

pillowaddict · 03/04/2014 23:58

Omg baileys! My aunt had her second within 14 months and says she remembers nothing of early days, but my cousins are v close, as are me and dsis with 2 years between us. I'd love to have another soon (dd 18 mnths) just not been lucky yet, she was a lucky surprise anyway! Grin

dontevenblink · 04/04/2014 00:10

I have 24 months between my first two dc and 23 months between dc2 and 3 and it has worked brilliantly for us. We can take them out to the same places, they like a lot of the same programmes, films, books etc, and they all play fantastically together, sometimes in twos, other times all of them. I always think big age gaps are a bit like having only children, I'm guessing its a lot harder to amuse them as no ready made playmates :) Mine have always shared rooms from the age of 1 (when they moved out of our room), at the moment the older two share, but the younger two did until we moved house.

There will be 2 years 5 months between dc3 and 4 which seems like a huge gap to us compared to the others Grin

toobreathless · 04/04/2014 00:15

Ooh don'tevenblink four DC how fabulous! We would like 4 Grin

Strandy · 04/04/2014 04:52

Been thinking about the same thing myself but don't really care what my family/friends think. My DS is 10 months so we are thinking of TTC again...but it's the big step out of the career path I worry about, but then, I also think it's good to get it all out of hte way and then when the children are at school, really focus on work again.

Original poster
Odaat · 04/04/2014 06:46

Yes Strandy, I feel the same.

I didn't think of it like she is getting more time with (albeit) shared if I have another. That is true.

Glad to hear sharing rooms is fine too. I will wait then until th next dc I have is 1 perhaps (to do the room share ) If I am lucky enough to hav another that is :)

The ttc starts tonight as dh been away, let's hope this works out!

OP posts:
3DcAndMe · 04/04/2014 06:49

Go for it

I have three dc

16 months between first two and then a third 4 years later

Both gaps have their advantages and disadvantages

Older two are very close but can fight like cat and dog

Because they are 4 and 5 years older than the little one they are fairly independent and I get plenty of time with baby however I worry she will feel left out when she's older

There's never a perfect time

If you both want to ttc then go for it

MiaowTheCat · 04/04/2014 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Droflove · 04/04/2014 09:10

I'm 5mts pregnant and DS is 14mts. Glad to get baby stuff out of the way in one go. Nobody thinks its a strangely short gap between the 2.

bedraggledmumoftwo · 04/04/2014 09:30

miaow i apologise, i didn't mean to offend. I had genuinely never heard of Irish twins or thought that such a thing was even possible. I guess it must be extremely rare as it would pretty much have to be a september first child or a premature second one. I personally cant imagine wanting to have sex that soon post partum, but i tore quite badly, so perhaps my view is skewed, or perhaps with a c section it would be less painful?

anyway, my comment on the effect for the younger child was in terms of schooling and the younger child having to keep up with a whole year older sibling academically. I am sure they are brilliant friends, and mine are twenty months apart so i am all in favour of close siblings, i was simply referring to the academic year issue being a potential problem later on. Obviously, there are always going to be august and september babies in the same classes, but the comparison/need to compare/compete/keep up would be much more obvious with siblings.

i do apologise for my heavy handed comment though

anyway,

bedraggledmumoftwo · 04/04/2014 09:44

Have just googled it and it looks like Irish twins refers to siblings within a calendar year. I was obviously talking specifically about two within an academic year...

Chunderella · 04/04/2014 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/04/2014 11:17

I have 22 month gap and love it. The kids are 4 and 5 (nearly 6) and get on so well :)

thebody · 04/04/2014 11:24

you know what op. the closeness in sibling age has nothing to do with the age gap. it's the bringing them up to love and cherish/respect each other that's the key.

I do see some families whose parents actually seem to expect the kids to be really very vicious to each other and mean. I find that as shocking as expecting your kids to treat their parents like shit. and see that too

ours are 24,23,15,14 and they all get on great because we have brought them up to and always expected them to.