To think that if children were told that actually, sometimes it's ok to hit back, we might not have such a huge bullying issue in this country?

[wannaBe]

So bullying is on the increase, and it seems that in truth, very little can or is being done about it.

We bring up our children to know that violence – all violence - is wrong. So if a child is bullying another child by hitting, kicking, etc etc we tell our children to walk away. and because no-one likes a grass, it is almost seen as unacceptable to tell someone you’re being bullied. So bullied child fears the reaction of the playground if they tell on the bully, and if the bullied child dares to hit back then it is him/her who gets the punishment when actually, hitting back is nothing more than self defence.

Bullies are generally cowards. So if someone stands up to them by hitting them back they will often back off.

So perhaps it’s time we stopped being so very correct about all this and accepted that actually, it’s perfectly ok, a good idea even, if sometimes a child stands up for themselves and hits back. And that if a bully has been habitually violent to others, it’s no more than they deserve if they get back what they’ve been giving out.

School bullying policies are clearly ineffectual. Young teen still commit suicide because they’re being bullied. Children are under more pressure than ever to fit in, and part of that is not speaking out because that makes you a grass in the eyes of your peers.

There is something very wrong with a world which often advocates giving children certain clothing labels/gadgets/material goods in order to prevent bullying, yet comes down hard on the bullied who fights back.

If anti bullying policies were working then bullying would be on the decrease. We wouldn't be reading about people changing schools because of bullying, or young teens committing suicide because of it, because they felt they had no-one to talk to.

Bullying hasn't reduced; all that's happened is that children are told they can talk about it,
it doesn't change things though. In the same way dv is talked about more openly yet it hasn't changed the fact that two women a week are still killed by their partners.

I was always told to stand up for myself and be prepared to fight if I was being picked on, even fighting and losing means that potential bullies will think twice about picking on you. I will tell my daughter the same thing when she is older.

And I will encourage my daughter to take MMA classes, I think Ronda Rousey should be a role model for all young girls. She was bullied at school and now she is a world champion and former Olympic medalist.

'because no-one likes a grass...'

this needs to change, even in the playground. Bullies, thieves, murderers, whatever, need to be reported and dealt with.

otherwise we all live in fear.

The first time a boy hit me at school my dad showed me how to hit him back.I did.
I was never bullied.
When bigger kids bullied my little sister I sorted it.

The thing is that standing up for myself ime worked.

I haven't had to face it yet with my kids.

Definitely not.

When will that end? The bully hits back harder? The victim does as well? The violence spirals out of control and someone is killed?

Also bullying isn't always physical. A child can't just hit back if its emotional bullying.

I am not sure bullying is on the increase at all actually.

As for what should be done? None of mine has ever been bullied. Not sure why. We are a very strong stoic family. Nothing hurts us. We are rarely sick. We don't break. We are internally robust. We tend all to be happy and perhaps are able to fit in where necessary. Or perhaps just been lucky.

If you're going to tell your kids it's ok to hit back, you also need to warn them that as soon as they do, it often means they're now 'in a fight'.

Don't let them get a romantic notion that they're just going to have to hit once and the bully will run away in tears.

It happens in story books and on TV, but rarely in real life.

one of my most vivid memories is walking along a crowded school corridor aged 14, with several giggling girls walking behind me and repeatedly jabbing a compass point into me. If I hesitated or glanced back, immediately "what are YOU looking at?" Only one spot in years of bullying but I wish, I wish, I WISH I'd swung around and thumped them. My response should have been what the hell are you doing, not silently being a well behaved abusee.

I was raised to be a good girl, to ignore, not to lower myself to their level - yeah they loved that. What would have helped me was being raised to NOT be a co operative victim. I didn't need to be taught to hit, I needed to be taught from an early age that everyone has the right to feel safe all the time, and to react with outrage and resist loudly to someone behaving abusively. I wish I'd been taught boundaries.

That also would have protected me from school staff who were very happy for quiet and well behaved kids to be abused right under their noses, but would not under any circumstances risk upsetting the bullies as they managed their classrooms by appeasement and staying in with them.

If someone hurts you it has to be ok to defend yourself or fight back.

As an adult I wilI if I can.

I want my kids to instinctively protect themselves if the real need arises, not agonise over 'what would mum say'.

I remember a conversation where a friend told his son to fight back to bullies.

He warned him he would probably get a bit of a hiding-and he did.

But he also said the bullies would find out picking on him hurt them too, and they wouldn't bother him again.They didn't.

Ds2 was attacked this week under the guise of pinch punch first of month, he is still bruised. Although he does martial arts he chose not to hit back.
His friends went to the teacher who came down on the child hard.
Ds2 will be ok. I am proud of him for the inner strength he is showing and tell him this. He has been told not to appease people if they hurt or threaten him and he is remaining an absolute delight.
We told him to keep an eye out for other children who were/are in that position and be kind to them. They are much less of a target when they are together and they have a lot of fun, he has a great group of friends.
He is not a victim despite the best efforts of this boy.

children dont hit back because they are either scared of the bully or scared the will get in trouble at school yes i have told my dds that if they touch you hit them back but you know it is deeper than that, I was bullied at school I did hit back didnt do me any good they all just laughed at me

If bullying was on the increase, could it be because there are just more children?

Where is the line drawn with hitting back.

Do you want your 15 year old to do it?

Or 20 year old?

That's the law though isn't it 126 for the 20 year old?

Obviously within reason,an adult is allowed in law to defend themselves.

I don't know -is a child legally allowed to also? Surely they must be?

If someone hits you in the pub, you are allowed to hit back?

Not at all sure about that.

We've always told our ds not to hit first but if he gets walloped and wants to hit back we'd back him up. Him hitting one little thug ended a year of utter misery. Doesn't always work though but did in ds's case.

If I was hit by a bloke in a park, surely I could whack him back to give me a chance to run away?

I suppose I was more thinking of man on man rather than man on woman.

But that's not really as comparable to a bullying situation as man on woman iyswim.

I don't want my 15 or 20 year old standing like a good girl while she is assaulted. I'll ignore verbal abuse (at least if it's aimed at me, I've been known to wade in when strangers are attacked) but if someone puts their hands on me then even at 40 it's my first instinct to punch them flat on the ground. I've never started a fight, I'm not even slightly aggressive but I've defended myself more than once. Why should it be open season on my body because I am too well behaved to hit back?
You are allowed to use force to prevent a crime being committed, including when that crime is an assault on you.

I dont think I understand your last post.